Chapter 38 - Stay with me

Kang Si An still finds it hard to believe that she is standing in front of him, alive and healthy. When the receptionist told him that the visitor's name was Kwon Kyuri, he thought that it was a dream. He ran all the way to see her.

"Everything?" She asks him, annoyed. "What did you say to me in the car?"

He takes her hands. After ten years, his dead heart feels alive again. He has been waiting and living every day while hoping to see her one more time. When her family told him the truth, he made the connection why Kyuri seemed like a different person at different times. Why didn't she tell him once? They fought so many times because she would suddenly disappear. He knows where she went she disappeared.

"I asked you to date me, but you rejected me."

"Your memory is good for useless things." She scolds him, "You should forget. It's been a decade."

This Kyuri isn't in love with him yet.

"Let me decide what I should remember or not." He can't resist touching her hair. "It's already late. I guess that you don't have any place to live in the city. You can stay with me until you go back."

"I can stay here." She tries to free her hands from him. "Don't mind me. You should go back to the hotel."

"Asking me to leave you in a dark alley," He looks at her gravely. "Kwon Kyuri, you don't think highly of me as your fiance, do you?"

She seems angrier when she hears his words. "Listen, I am not your fiance yet. We aren't even in a relationship."

He stares at her. It's been such a long time. She's alive. He feels alive after seeing her. He doesn't want to lose this chance to keep her with him. He hugs her. The calm and solemn exterior crumbles with the hot tears that fall on her cheek. His arms tighten around her as his body loses the strength to stand. He doesn't want to lose her again.

"Stay with me," He whispers to her in a trembling voice. He can't lose her again.

***

I feel his tears rolling down on my cheeks. I realize that he has been acting. There's a shell around him that's broken easily. I only had to refuse him once and he showed his vulnerable side to me. How long has he been like this? The pain in his voice is unmistakable.

How long does it take someone to grow feelings for someone else? One day? One year? One moment? It takes only a moment to fall in love. It takes another moment to realize that we love someone. We can't choose who we love, but we can choose our actions.

The 20 years old Kang Si An. The 27 years old Li Jun. The 30 years old Kang Si An. Their bodies might change with time. They have one thing in common. They make my heart flutter. Perhaps, it is because I know that I will fall for him in the future. I might be a fool. These feelings... I don't know where they come from

This Kang Si An doesn't even know that it was he who killed me that night.

"I will come with you," I tell him. Can I blame him though? Kang Si An doesn't have control over it either. In a way, he's like me. Because I know my end is not here yet, I strangely feel safe with him.

***

"Are you hungry?" Kang Si An asks her with a smile. She opens her mouth, but it is her stomach that growls loudly and answers him. She blushes and looks away.

Kang Si An chuckles. Kyuri is the same. He doesn't ask her anything anymore and orders her favorite meals. She eyes him curiously. Even if he is a decade older than her, her gaze makes him nervous.

"Kang Si An, why are you here?" She asks him after he is done ordering. "Are you here for a shoot?"

Kang Si An freezes. What should he tell her? After a moment of thoughts, he decides to not hide.

"I am here because I found a clue about the timekeepers." Kang Si An reveals it to her. "Your family told me that your aunt disappeared because of timekeepers. I wanted to find them."

"Are you doing this for a decade?" She gives him a sad smile. "What would have happened if you found them? Get revenge?"

"Can I live in a world where your murderer might be living freely?" He can't hide the anger in his tone. "You already knew that you were going to... Why didn't you tell me once? Why did you hide about your ability from me? Did you love me once?"

She doesn't answer him words. Her silence is the answer to his questions. He forgot that this Kyuri is not in love with him yet. He hasn't proposed to her yet. She didn't spend those days with him.

"Why would you not tell me?" She is still the same person who will make decisions to not tell him.

"I wouldn't want you to know because I wouldn't want you to seek revenge on my behalf." Her voice is unwavering. "I would want you to move on with your life after my death. I wouldn't tell you because I know that you can't save me. You and I are just chess pieces of something a lot bigger than this world with no control over our fates. The timekeepers are doing their jobs. They don't kill people just because they choose to. My murderer might not even know that he killed me."

Kang Si An walks back and forth in the room. Her words make him furious. "If you knew that you were going to die, why did you agree to marry me? Why did you make me fall in love with you? If you think that I was not even worthy to know, why did you come close to me?"