Chapter 126 - Who is your friend?

"That night, it hurt so much to move that I crawled. I washed my body, even though the wounds sting each time I felt the cold water on my skin. I cried, still hoping that you would come back to see me. You would have the heart to come back. Maybe you would feel something despite the fact that you didn't remember. If you had come back once..." She looks away when the tears fill her eyes.

Kang Si An lowers his head. If he had listened to his heart once instead of losing to hate, this outcome could have been prevented. The loss of the child made him crazy that day. Still, he shouldn't have done that to her. When he came back, she was already gone. It was too late.

"I came to see you because I thought that we could be finally together in this lifetime." She leans against the glass, gazing at nothing. "I was wrong too. I should have left when I saw you with Ki Mi Ran. I didn't want to. I left you once to Wu Qiuyue. I left you in each of your reincarnations. This time, I wanted to be with you. After such a long time, I wanted to spend each moment together."

It hurts to remember how she was. Her voice becomes softer, laced with pain that she's been trying to bury deep. She has been telling herself that she is over it. Young Hwa has broken her illusion brutally. Again, she can't blame anyone but herself. "Did you ever think about how I feel?"

Does anyone? Even the gods do not pity her.

"I am sorry," Kang Si An mumbles weakly.

"It was painful to see you die each time." She recalls the moment when Li Jun died. "I thought that you were punishing me because I died once. It was difficult to see you suffer because of me. I hated myself for being a traveler. I hate how I was replaced by someone else. I get it though. I married Li Jun and became your fiancee. After the time-turn, someone else replaced me because I was a special anomaly. It must be that reason. The gods showed me how meaningless our love was."

She was born because someone else made mistakes. She was destined to die at the hands of the man she loved. When she defied gods, they destroyed it.

"It wasn't meaningless," Kang Si An glances at her with red eyes. "I have loved you only. I will love you only. I know it. After remembering, I know what love is."

Kyuri can't believe those words. Love seems like a luxury that she can't afford to have anymore.

"I have forgiven you for everything that happened so far." She needs to forgive herself too. "I hope that you can forgive me for my mistakes."

She needs to apologize to one more person.

"You have never done anything wrong." Kang Si An tells her with a desperate voice, "Kyuri, don't think like this. You are never replaceable. Our love has never been meaningless. Why don't you believe me once?"

So much have happened. They fought against the impossible. She's alive at this moment. Why does she think that it was meaningless?

"Does it matter what I think now?" She glances at him with a smile. "It's broken anyway."

Kang Si An gazes at her. Rather than physical pain, she's suffering because of the wounds on her heart. She intends to suffer alone. Young Hwa couldn't take it away. What happened to her today has hurt her tremendously. Before she came back, he could only wait, hoping that she's doing well somewhere. After she came back, he realized that he couldn't be there beside her. She chose Young Hwa, but she is still in pain.

He pulls her in his embrace. She doesn't move. Her vision is misty. He is warm, but this feels so cold to her. He wraps his arms firmly around her as if he is trying to keep her from disintegrating. While stroking her back, he tells her quietly, "Nothing is broken. I am here. I will always be."

This hurts. Kyuri sniffles. It hurts more than anything that she has faced so far in life.

"Even if we can't be what we were once," Kang Si An puts his palm on the back of her head. "We are not enemies. We can start as friends. You are not alone, Kyuri. I will always be with you."

Feeling like she's home after a long time, she realizes how close they are. This embrace is so familiar that she fell into naturally. She blinks herself out of the daze.

"Who is your friend?" She pushes him away. Her voice is stern. "Since we are here anyway, I will get a check-up."

Without a second glance, she gets out of the car and walks toward the hospital. Kang Si An sighs and rushes after her. He puts his jacket around her body. She throws an irritated look at him. His jacket smells like him.

"Just a friendly action." He puts his palms up and smiles at her. "No deeper meaning."

She rolls her eyes. "We are not friends."

"Since you have forgiven me, we are not enemies." He places his hands on her shoulders and pushes her toward the hospital. "We are not strangers either. We know each other too well to be only acquaintances. Therefore, we are already friends."

"..."

She lets him push her with a grumpy face. This familiarity is surreal after everything that happened. She didn't ask for any of this. For tonight, she will let this go.