Chapter Twenty-one

Elia

Even from behind, I can still recognise her perfectly without a single trouble. As my lips curve up into a small smile, I quickly make my way towards her and wrap my arms around her waist from behind—earning myself a chuckle from her.

Her laugh lightens up my day.

I lean in closer to kiss onto the side of her cheek, making her smile wider. My heart flutters at her sight and it starts to beat at a fast pace just by her smile—leaving me breathless. Every single time. Every single moment of us together.

''Miss me?'' I ask, smiling

''Miss me?'' I ask, smiling.

Danielle rests her forehead on mine, the smile never fading from her face. I notice everything about her—a slight change even, it would be stupid of me not to notice. From when we first met, I've always wanted to make her mine and make me hers. I wanted to be her perfect pair.

''You know, that's actually not true.'' I mutter.

''How come?'' She caresses the side of my face, letting me feel the warmness of her hand—somehow, making me miss her entire warmth with mine.

''I will always miss, care and love you more. No matter what, it will always be more. Never less. You're my first priority and my responsibility, you're very important to me—you're everything. Remember that,'' I look straight into her eyes as I say every word sincerely without a single regret passing through. I want her to know that I'm deadly serious when it comes to her.

''I love you,'' She whispers.

It pains me to lie. Every time I look at her, it reminds me of the sickening truth. We met and fell in love with each other but I've never been honest with her—I've given her the perfect illusion of our love instead of making her realise how broken we actually are.

If only she knew, she would've hated me. She would've despised me. My heart breaks at the sight of her smile and at the sound of her voice when she says that she loves me because it feels like I'm not appreciating her when I do; more than anything else.

She's the only one I have.

Yet, people like me are far from fairytales. We hardly have a happy ending even if I try to have one. I wasn't supposed to meet someone and fall head over heels for her because at the end, I'll be breaking her instead of loving her. I've come to accept the fact that I'll never have a normal life.

There's no growing old with someone I love. There's no till death do us apart. There's definitely no future. Every single day of my life with Danielle, I am constantly reminded by that. I manage to hide away the pain from her but it's killing me deeply, inside.

''I love you too,'' I kiss onto the forehead, long and full of meanings.

We laugh, we fight and we love. It comes in a perfect package that I never want to dismiss any. All of the tears wasted for the sake of our love and all of the time we spent, it's memorable. Yes, we're young and reckless. We tend to make mistakes every single time. I know. We both know.

That's just who we are.

''I love you so much. You're everything to me,'' I whisper near her ear as I pull her close; wanting her to know how much she means to me.

Call me selfish but I can't seem to push away my happiness for the sake of her safety. I'd rather do everything and anything I can for her safety than pushing her away. I can't seem to imagine seeing her with someone else—it's highly impossible for me.

I remember when it was her birthday, it wasn't anything fancy but she has always loved dancing. She explains her emotions through it because for her, words are easily said. The way she moves when she dances, the way her face shows everything that she has been hiding, it's one of the reason why I love her. She's perfect in every glance.

Flaws and everything, I accept her.

As she leans back, I pull her up close to my body—face to face and eye to eye

As she leans back, I pull her up close to my body—face to face and eye to eye. Her lips curve up into a smile, showing how she's utterly happy. It goes the same with me. Then, she turns around, my hands are still wrapping around her waist from behind as she sways her hips.

I manage to place a kiss on her collarbone for a few seconds.

Danielle; she's the first and only woman that I've ever come to love, endlessly. Maybe it's the way she talks or walks but it doesn't matter because everything about her makes me fall in love again. For someone like me, I'm more than lucky to have such an amazing woman in my life.

Years of us together, it surprises me how we end up falling apart. Our love, our sacrifices are all wasted into nothing just because of one single lie. I broke her trust and we end up breaking each other unintentionally. From love, it changes into something that I can't say. It saddens me.

We stand facing each other, even though we're actually close to one another but it feels like we're a hundred years apart. My heart beats at a slow pace, somehow realising that I'll never be able to heal from this heartbreak at the sight of her tears. She drops onto the ground, letting herself fall.

I stand still, realising that a tear has fallen down.

''You lied to me, why did you lie to me?!'' She shouts, her voice breaking. Just by the sound of her voice, you can sense every single pain. All of the happiness, it has disappeared. Just like that. ''Why risk ourselves, Elia? Why risk us?''

''You can't even say it to my face,'' She adds.

My jaw clenching before I look down at her, seeing her slowly rising up by holding tightly onto the kitchen counter. The way she looks at me, I can no longer see the love she proved, ''Ti odio, lasciare, ottenere l'inferno della mia vita.'' She says as she wipes away the tears, ''Leave!'' She shouts once more, louder and filled with frustration.

''You know why we always fail when we try? You know why we never get to have a baby of our own?'' She looks straight into my eyes, making me clench my hands into fists, ''It's because I don't trust you. I've never trusted you. I felt like I didn't even know my own husband. Somehow, I know that he's lying behind my back.'' She takes a few steps closer towards me as she says it directly.

''Now I know why,'' She breathes.

I blink away the tears before slowly cupping onto her face, ''We can fix this. Fidati di me.'' I mutter under my breath as I try to make her look into my eyes but she keeps on looking away, fighting. ''I wanted to protect you,'' I add, wiping away her tears with my thumb—I hate seeing her like this, I hate knowing that I'm the cause of this.

''Please.'' I beg, my heart hurting as I continue to speak, ''Don't do this,''

She pushes me, slightly making me step back, ''How can I trust a killer? Leave.'' She says before making her way towards the back, leaving me standing here all by myself with all of pain mixing into one. My heart, my soul, it feels like everything has ended; like I'm no longer required to breathe.

How can someone cause so much chaos and damage in my life?

Sometimes I even wonder if she's even worth the pain I feel?

As I grip harder onto the kitchen counter, I start to push away the glasses onto the floor, causing them to break into pieces. I see that my hands are starting to bleed but I can't help but keep on causing every single mess in here. I want to release the pain, I want to reduce it; yet, it's hopeless.

I look down onto the ground, seeing my blood dripping and glasses shattered. Without me realising, I am already slowly falling onto the ground before I lean my head against the kitchen counter, letting myself cry the amount of sadness. Even though we're in different rooms, somehow, I can still hear her cries.

From then, I leave everything behind.

No more heartbreaks. No more pain. It's all on me.

Killing people seemed like an excitement for me afterwards. I barely even think about their feelings or their life because no one seemed to care about mine—so why bother? I get my job done, I cause trouble, I fix issues and I live.

When I look into their eyes, I see nothing. Their families, children or their loved ones, never crossed my mind. Not even once. They didn't matter because we will end up losing someone anyway. I've caused a lot of people's death but I've never felt guilty.

Until I found her.

I didn't know why she reminded me so much of my past

I didn't know why she reminded me so much of my past. The way her blue eyes met mine and the way her face showed confusion, I couldn't deny a single thing. Then and there, I wanted to have her. I wanted to have her by my side at all times—it seemed stupid, I barely even knew her.

For some reason, I saw pain in her. Behind her beauty, there was broken pieces that I also have. We're two broken people—I wouldn't have to pretend and lie when it comes to her because she understands everything. She understands me.

That was what I thought.

Even though I paid one million dollars for her, she's worth more than that. Yes, she's broken in every way that she can be—in every side possible but I still see her as someone who's perfect. When it comes to her, I manage to act like my true self. I manage to show things that I haven't able to.

Why?

I wonder that too.

For a short amount of time, we shared a lot of memories together. Some are filled with meanings and aren't just filled with lusts—I was hardly faking when it comes to her. She makes me feel real. Finally. How can I fall for someone that I barely know?

Is it possible?

If so, will it last?

Sometimes, we have to let go of the person we love. Being away from her for a year has caused me more than pain because I had to watch her be happy with someone she thought that she would have the chance with. Emmet was paid, to care, like and love her.

The only reason I did that because I wanted Rose to live the life she never had.

When she's with me, she would always be trapped from happiness. She would always be exposed to reality and cruelties instead of a very happy ending. I'm like a barrier in between. I've set her free but being the selfish me, I can never seem to let her go.

She doesn't have the heart to leave either.

Rose is something or more like someone that I can't keep or leave

Rose is something or more like someone that I can't keep or leave. I'm out of choices when I'm with her. When I look at her, I want to leave everything behind and just start fresh. I want to live a life with her where we're far from dangerous threats or harm. If only we've met in a different way, if only I didn't choose this path, if only I've let go of my father's avenge.

If only our lives was better.

We would be able to love, in a way we should.

I've come to realise my feelings for her; love, may be a strong word. It may be too strong for people like us but we're probably getting there, if we ever have the chance to finally fix our mistakes and our broken pieces.

We're two fucked up people who are alone as fuck.

Damaged.

We need each other for the sake of our sanity, we need to keep on holding so that we would still have hope for a better future. I wish I can stop all of these insanity, all of these pain and all of these trouble. Just so that I can be with her, without a single obstacle getting in between.

It confuses me slightly, why wasn't I reacting this way when I was with Danielle? Was she not worth this much of sacrifice? I said that I loved her, I cared and needed her but I never persuaded her. I've completely let her go because I wasn't the only one who broke her, she broke me too.

Trust.

It was something that I couldn't have with Danielle yet it comes easily with Rose. There's only one word to finish my trouble and slide away my fears, there's only one solution to everything. I won't let Rose go, I will keep holding onto her and I will keep on making her realise that I won't try to push her away.

My eyes can't seem to look away as she is being pulled by Elis, her face shows confusion in every way possible but I stand still, watching her leave. Watching her go. She needs to be safe. Safe from me.

''I love you, Rose.''

I mutter before completely feeling the explosion.