Chapter Thirty-nine

Rose

We step out of the car to see Elia walking straight towards the door without a second glance behind; making me sigh before glancing at Elis. He is busy eyeing him from behind—somehow thinking.

''I know that you're worried about him but he'll be alright. Just—don't try to hide it away,'' He says. My eyebrows furrow in confusion at his sudden words, leaving me trying to understand what he said.

''What do you mean?'' I ask.

Elis looks down at me, his brown eyes meeting my blue ones before answering, ''The look on your face. It shows how much you're worried about him. I don't blame you, I would be worried too—he used or may still be your love. What I'm trying to say is that, don't try to hide away your feelings for him,'' The way he said those words; he was forcing himself. I know it.

I take a few steps closer towards him, slightly closing the distance between us because I want to make sure and make things clear that I'm not living in the past; waiting for the unknown. As far as I know, my heart no longer belongs to Elia. I've took my heart back because I can't cooperate or deal with him. He gave me a temporary happiness for a permanent pain.

''I'm not hiding anything. Yes, I'm worried about him and he used to be a part of my life but not anymore.'' I mutter under my breath, not really showing any determination but I can confirm my feelings for Elia is no longer romantic or lover related. It may break my heart or even my soul for us to meet each other but maybe because the attachment that we used to have was too strong. We were too strong. Too loving.

We stay quiet for a few seconds.

''Do you love him?'' He asks, almost causing my legs to weaken and fall down onto the ground; because the question is pretty much invalid. Deep down inside, I know that I will always have a spot for Elia—even though I'm trying hard to get rid of that spot.

I quickly lean in, cupping onto his face as my lips meet his in an everlasting kiss. This time our kiss isn't passionate or slow but slightly rough and filled with anger; towards ourselves. He kisses me back just the same—letting me pull his body closer. From this kiss, it shows how my feelings for him are more clear. We are no longer pushing our feelings away or trying to hide them back, this time it's more genuine.

I break the kiss, ''That proves I don't.''

He clenches his jaw as he continues to eye down at my lips; one of the things that I find attractive about Elis, he would try to force himself back and try to deny it.

To my surprise, he starts to pull me closer but his eyes are meeting mine in an instant, ''I love you. I love you so please don't leave me. I don't know what I would do without you. You're a part of my life,'' He mutters.

His desperation seems to sink deeply into my soul.

''I won't leave you. I'm here for you but just promise me that you'll do the same. You won't break my heart and that you'll always be there for me,'' I reply. Our eyes won't look away from each other and it shows how we are serious. The way his brown eyes stare straight into my soul; it's overwhelming. Firing.

''I will never leave you,'' He says.

I smile at him before closing my eyes once I feel him kissing onto my forehead, long and softly. My whole body trembles at his warm lips—loving how they are and somehow will always be mine. Deep down, I've come to realise that the love I once had was a lie. I was in love with the thought of being in love. The way Elia was treating me made me fell but was I truly in love and was I truly accepting him? I don't know.

''I might seem selfish and I don't want you to think that I'm trying to control your life but stay if that's what you want with me. I'll try to give you everything you want as long as you're with me,'' He continues. The way he speaks, it seems like he's scared. Scared of being left behind or being forgotten—yet, it scares me even more because of our situation.

I'm stuck in between Elia and Elis.

''But, what's so special about me? I used to be a prostitute, I'm worthless, nothing. Why?'' I question, wanting to know his answer. Yes, it's true. My past will stay in the past but who would want a woman who used to be a prostitute in their life? What makes me so special that two of the Morellos want me?

''No. Your past does not determine who you are. You were forced, it was not your desire. I understand what you have gone through and I want you to know and remember that I will love you no matter what,'' He replies, caressing the side of my face softly. His touch calms me down in a way that I've once felt, ''I will also try to remind you how beautiful you are every single day and how I've come to fall for a woman that I never once thought of loving. You're different. The kind of different that I want to try and be fond of,'' He adds.

I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him close towards my body; loving how he embraces me back just with the same amount of passion. We're in each other's arms—wanting to show how we can never try to deny this. We want each other. Need.

We step inside, seeing a lot of Marc's men in the hall so Elis and I walk towards the elevator; going straight towards the third floor—having a little space of our own. There's no one up here so we can try and calm each other's mind with the peaceful environment.

I walk towards the balcony, loving how the wind blows onto my skin and my hair as soon as I step outside. Both of my hands are on the railing and within seconds, I feel Elis wrapping his arms around my waist from behind—making me smile.

He rests his chin on my shoulder.

We don't have to utter anything. We just have to be in each other's arms for once, adapting towards the silence because we have been communicating for quite some time so the silence is needed.

''You should tell me what happened,'' He mutters.

''Does it matter?''

All of a sudden, he starts to walk towards the other side of the balcony—making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion as I watch him sigh again. He stands still before turning to look at me, ''Do you want to tell me what happened? What happened, Rose? Why were you with him and how did you end up there? I was worried sick when I got home and you were nowhere to be found,'' He asks, looking straight at me as I sigh.

''Someone kidnapped me. He took me to the warehouse and half an hour later, Elia was there.'' I reply, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. Then, I turn to look up at him; eye to eye.

Within seconds, he starts to pull me closer towards him; wrapping my arms around my waist. I quickly place the side of my face on his chest as I listen to his heartbeat—soothingly calming me down somehow. I feel his other hand at the back of my head before whispering soothing words into my ear which causes me to smile and nod my head, pulling him closer.

''I love you,'' He repeats a few times into my ear.

Then, he kisses onto my temple; long.

It takes us a few seconds to realise that Elia is standing near the sliding door, eyeing us. We both turn to look at him at once—seeing that he has a bandage wrapped on his shoulder, he seems a little bit pale and for some reason, I don't think it's from the pain on his shoulder. He clears his throat, taking a few steps closer, ''Sorry. Rose, can we talk?'' He asks.

I glance up at Elis for a few seconds after looking at Elia. Just as I was about to speak, Elis pats onto Elia's uninjured shoulder before leaving the two of us to talk. It takes us awhile to actually break the silence because things are still new.

''Do you feel any better?'' I ask, of his condition.

He glances at his shoulder before taking a few steps closer towards me, ''It doesn't hurt as much. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine.'' He replies. Then, he continues to look straight into my eyes; I know that he's busy eyeing my every features—not just my eyes and for some reason, it feels slightly uncomfortable.

He used to do this when we were together and during that time, I was okay with it. Now, I just can't tell.

Things are starting to get really comfortable. Well, he said he wanted to talk to me and maybe sort things through between us but now, we're just looking at each other—making me realise my feelings for him have not completely disappeared. Just by seeing him here with me, I start to remember the moments we used to cherish in the past. Our memories.

''You should get some rest,'' I say as I head out.

To my surprise, I find him holding me back by the wrist, making me turn to look at him; only to find our bodies are inches apart and our faces would be close enough for something intimate. My heart continues to beat fast especially now—not liking it.

''Will you ever give me another chance? I still love you, Rose and I know that maybe you still love me too. You're with my brother now, I get it but can there ever be a spot for me? Will I be able to win your heart again? I don't think I can watch you leave this time,'' He says, making me frown at his words.

''I don't want to talk about this,'' I mutter quickly.

''Then? We have to talk about this. It's something that we can't leave behind because you and I, both know how we were once together. We were happy, accepting each other's feelings but I made a fucked up mistake and I admit, it was all my fault.'' He assures.

''That was our past, Elia. We can just—forget about us and live on. Move on because maybe we can never have a life together; we are slowly adapting to a whole new beginning, you know that too. I, suffered because of you but you don't have to worry about it; I've let it all go so you have to let it go too,'' I breathe out. My whole body trembles at his touch; with him trying to pull me closer, making me almost tearing up.

Not because of his grip but because of our feelings.

''I want to fix things. I want to fix us. Please, give me a chance to show you. At least, give me a chance to try and let you see how I'll let go of my work for you. No more guns, killings or even criminals. I will let it all go but I won't ever let you go,'' He looks straight into my eyes, almost breaking my heart at the sound of his voice and at the tears in his eyes. They break me.

''You've said that before. Look what happened? You and I are broken; we can't fix each other. Can't you see Elia? I loved you but my love for you is fading. I don't want to lie to you and fake things,'' I reply.

I slowly pull my hand away from him, trying to walk inside and leave him all by himself but he continues to pull me towards him; making me sigh. Our eyes meet once more and I see him frowning—no, I don't want to see him like this. He's killing me.

''What am I supposed to do without you?''

''Live,'' I answer.

''Rose. Please, don't do this to me. I've realised my mistakes and I want to fix them, if you would just let me in again—I'll heal our broken pieces. I'll try to fix our love so that we'll be able to go through this,'' He says but I only take a few steps away from him.

''No. Leave, forgive and forget. You will find someone better than me and then you'll realise how I'm just a person you learn to love and forget. Do that, don't try to force yourself on loving me because I know that you'll keep on having mixed feelings. I want to be happy so I want you to be happy—whenever we're together, we will only cause chaos in each other's life because I'm fucked and you're fucked. We can never be one, can't you see?'' I try to hold back the tears from coming but I always fail miserably.

I'm trying my best to make him let me go. This time, I'm going on my own will with no one forcing me or stopping me; I want to make him forget about me, start a better life without me, be with someone else but me. He'll make it through—maybe there will be pain and he will suffer but he'll make it out alive.

''Let me go because I've let you go,'' I say.

Just like that, I start to turn around and I feel his hand slipping away from my wrist; making me hold back the tears from falling because he used to be my love, strength and soul. We've been holding on to each other for so long that we can't really seem to let go without slightly hurting—I see that now.

As soon as I step inside.

''No, marry me.'' He says, stopping my steps.