69 Communication

"I was as impulsive as you are, taking decisions in a haste and making things worse. But what I didn't understand at that time was, I was at a position where my single decision can either make or break someone's life.

One day, grandma asked me to have tea with her in the middle of night, same like we are right now...

She said, Qing Shan, whenever, there will be a decision which will be important, or which will involve any other person except yourself, or which might affect someone else, or which you are not sure about, think about it over a cup of tea below the moon.

At that time, I did not understand what difference it will make, but as I started doing that I realised my decisions have gotten better and have been the best choices that can be made."

Looking at the moon who was blessing everyone with its beautiful light, Zhi Ruo said

"Probably because, its light can give your restless heart a soothing feeling. Probably because you know it bears witness to all your decisions that you feel calm under moonlight...probably because you know that even if the whole world abandons you, it will still come back to meet you..."

"You know, why are we here?" asked Qing Shan

Zhi Ruo shook her head

"Do you know why I didn't consummate our marriage" Qing Shan asked again

She again shook her head

"Do you know, today when you took the initative why did I back out?"

She again shook her head

"Because, I know there is something bothering you. And a restless heart can never take right decisions. This is what I have learnt through my experiences.

Zhi Ruo, I admit we married under some conditions. But it will be on us to decide if we want it to just be a marriage due to conditions or if we want to make it a journey worthy of travelling."

"Qing Shan, Will you be able to accept me if I say I am not what I seem to be?" Asked Zhi Ruo in a loud and clear voice. Though her voice was determined but her eyes betrayed her, her eyes showed fear, fear of being left alone, fear of being criticized...

"It seems you have a lot to vent, don't stop...Ask me all the questions you have today...

You say, is it possible to know someone just from few meetings? But isn't journey something where you understand the other person better? People say marriage is a journey infact a long journey, then do you think both of us will remain the same forever?"

Controlling the tears that were forming in her eyes and the restless feeling that she had in her heart Zhi Ruo asked another question, "We married each other for a purpose, how can I believe that you won't abandon me after the purpose is fulfilled?"

"Who marries without a purpose? Building a family is a purpose, Marrying for love is a purpose....

Does a husband abandon's his wife, after he gets a child? Yes, we had other reasons, but are those reasons so big that there are no places for emotions? Is abandonment the only option in our marriage? Is falling in love not a choice?"

This time she cannot control her tears, crying in a muffeled voice she spoke

"I am scared, I am scared.... I cant fall weak....But I can't rely on someone either.....

What am I supposed to do?...I am so confused..."

Hugging Zhi Ruo Qing Shan patted her back and spoke to her in a low soft voice...

"You don't need to do anything, just keep your heart open. Keep your mind calm. Try to adjust with the relationship and be happy"

Trying to control her sobs, She said what she was the most confused about

"But....I cant be stagnant....I have to move forward...."

"Understanding someone who you don't know is a sign of moving forward. Moving forward will not always mean to gain achievement, but sometimes just taking baby steps towards the achievement is also moving forward."