Chapter 32 - Suffocated

"Hey, Sam why do you want to win the nationals?"

"Me? Because I want to make my grandmother proud. You know she's always spending time at the hospital and she enjoys watching me do archery,"

***

She blinked and found that it's already morning. She was dreaming again. It was almost a week after she made a public apology on the school page. Mister Sung was back to his work too, and the classes went on.

A knock resounded behind her door.

"Miss Amber, your father asked you to come and eat breakfast with him." it was one of the maids from their house.

She didn't answer and waited for the maid to go away before stepping out of her bed. She sluggishly washed her face. The broken frame wasn't there anymore, and the photo she despised the most was out of her sight.

In the right corner of her wall, the bow and archery hanging on it was still there. She felt her chest throb again and left the room immediately.

In the dining room, there was a man reading an early newspaper. His curly blonde hair was slicked back, showing his expressionless face. Amber walked towards and pulled a chair. "Good morning, dad." She greeted.

Mister Pittman didn't look at her and asked. "Have you been taking your medicines?" he flipped another page. "You should finish it by the end of the month,"

Amber nodded. "Yes, I am taking it." she lowered her gaze and her eyes reflected something heavy only she could feel. Those medicines were all useless for her. Everything still ended up bringing her nightmare back. She doesn't even know if she can consider herself okay right now.

"Dad, I'm sorry…for being a burden." Her voice almost cracked. She clenched her fist under the table and hardly swallowed the lump in her throat.

The middle-aged man paused, putting the newspaper down. He took his cup and sipped from his coffee. "Amber, doing this won't give you peace of mind. You know how badly you wanted those medications back then. I guess everything wasn't enough for you.."

He rested his forehead on his palm and sighed. "Can you just be normal, Amber?" he said with disappointment.

The girl held back her breath and felt something choking her. A suffocating atmosphere only she can feel. She lowered her gaze to the food and immediately felt nauseous. Even though Amber didn't want to eat, she needed to finish her breakfast in front of her father.

She was raised to be like that. She needed to do things according to her father's order in order to survive.

***

"Hey, look. It's Amber"

"She really went to school?"

"I heard she made a public apology for accusing Mister Sung,"

"Really? How shameful"

I heard she's been bullying students too"

The gazes grew more noticeable to Amber while she's walking through the hallways. It became more pressured when she entered the classroom. The atmosphere immediately shrank as she walked all the way to her desk.

The students, who seemed to be enjoying her, backed away when Amber turned her head to them. Her eyes raged in a fiery pit. "WHAT?!" she yelled. Are they enjoying judging her now? Because she made such an embarrassment.

These people once begged her back then. She used to dominate them with her tiny hands, but now, the tables have turned. No one will look at her the same as before anymore. Just like here, they will also be eaten by their insecurity, slowly dragging Amber down.

However, none of them really wanted to do such a thing to her. One of her classmates gathered herself and stepped forward. She was once bullied by Amber. "Y-Y–Your desk…" her trembling voice let out.

Amber immediately walked towards her desk and as soon as she saw what the nerd girl meant, she shuddered and her eyes widened. There were carved letters on her desk like bitch, shameful, expulsion, kick out. It was all curved deeper. She saw one of her books from the lockers there. It was ripped to pieces.

Everything was a mess. Those words echoed in her mind as if it was making its own voice to mock her. She succumbed to darkness with those evil eyes looking at her. Amber grabbed her head. "STOP!" She yelled.

She looked around and saw those smirking lips laughing at her. That darkness didn't leave her side until she dashed outside.

Amber ran outside the classroom. She wanted to escape everything. She didn't want to see those eyes and mocking lips. Her legs felt numb from running. She didn't know where to go, either. Amber only wanted some place to hide from everything.

Her heart was pounding, squeezing her breaths. She felt like there were magnets pulling her back. It was suffocating. Is this what they felt when Amber bullied them? The fear and pain were shrinking her more.

When she finally lost all her strength, Amber stumped on the cold floor. Her knees finally give up. Her shaking hands rummaged through her bag. It should be right there. She didn't forget to put it inside, right? The medications prescribed to her were a bit high. Maybe she was just hallucinating back then.

She thought that things like this were only in movies, but experiencing it real was fearsome. Her patience ran out. She waved the bag abruptly, letting everything from inside scattered on the floor.

A small container rolled in front of her eyes, going in the opposite direction. Amber was already shaking, and she had no strength to get up, so she crawled with her hands and knees to reach for it.

At the end of the hallway, a student carrying some paper from the faculty office was stunned. She froze upon seeing Amber. Seeing the other girl in that state startled her.

"Amber!!" Julie dashed to her friend, and she picked the white container. She knew what it was. She knew this medication her friend was taking.

"Here," she gave it to Amber, who's now crying while trembling. Julie grabbed her into her embrace and patted her back.

"I'm here, Amber, calm down! Take deep breaths!" She tried to comfort her, brushing her hair.

Amber gasped and immediately took the medicine. It was just a small white pill, so it absorbed quickly into her throat. By this, her breaths became stable, and she realized that Julie was the one hugging her.

That medicine calms her down, and the side effect is to make her sleepy. That's why she's rarely taking it when at school.

Amber's jade green eyes blinked, and she found warmth from the one patting her back.