Chapter 19 - I Have No Idea”

Chapter 19: “I Have No Idea”

Translator: Doris

Well, thanks for your compliments, you guys made me blush.

Then, I thought you were right. This post was no longer just a place for me to whisper. It was also a place for a new coser to share his story and feelings, which I didn’t see it coming.

There were also some friends worried that my life in reality would be affected due to this post.

In fact, it didn’t matter. I didn’t make a living with my image on the internet or relying on this fandom world. So no matter how my Weibo or my name in this circle was discussed, it happened and stayed just online. So my life itself would not have anything to do with it, unless this post was found by my dad.

That would be horrible for me.

In addition, it was unnecessary for us to meet in person.

If you were gonna attend that Anime Expo, you were welcomed to take pictures of me. But don’t tell me that you had read my post, please.

These days, I always stayed with Ms. XXXX, so I learned a lot about my dad’s childhood, including how he joined the circle as a crossdresser.

I should begin from my grandpa.

My dad was sent abroad as soon as he was born. On the one hand, my grandpa was still superstitious. While, on the other hand, he loved his son. Now that he couldn’t live together with his son, he spread his business abroad. With it, he could often go abroad to meet his son.

He often came into contact with new things abroad. And he became open and embraced the new interests and aesthetic. Having been to that kind of makeup party twice, the costume party of the upper class, my grandpa also began to wear such costumes.

My dad was probably the first audience watching his wearing such clothes.

He should also be good at coaxing children. It was said that my dad was amused to giggle by him when my dad was a child.

In this way, my dad was imbued with this hobby.

Ms. XXXX said it was my dad who took her into this circle.

I was surprised.

If my dad was standing in front of me now, I sure would give him a big thumb up.

Then, I took the opportunity to beat around the bush in order to find out about my dad’s feelings.

I asked: “So wasn’t my dad often seen as a girl when he was young?”

Ms. XXXX said, “Yes. There were a lot of boys having a crush on him. I remembered that there was a crazy boy, coming to school with roses every day. Also, he bought many charming dresses, bows and ribbons, he said he even would build a palace for your dad. Hahaha!”

I: “Why didn’t this man pursue a girl?”

Ms. XXXX: “He liked your dad, not girls.”

I: “What about my dad?”

Ms. XXXX: “Your dad didn’t like that man.”

I hesitated for a moment, then asked, “So does my father like other men?”

When Ms. XXXX heard this, she suddenly became vigilant and stared at me. Then she said, “Why do you ask?”

Maybe I couldn’t stand hiding my feelings for my dad, or I thought I knew her very well. In addition, I was open to sex orientation. So I told her part of my thoughts.

I said I was curious that my dad had not been married or in love yet, and I told her about the matter with BL cartoon books when I was a kid. Of course I didn’t speak of the complex feelings between me and my dad.

“Anyway, I wonder if he likes women.” I said.

However, Ms. XXXX was so smart. She blinked at and came straight to the point: “You wonder whether he likes you or not, don’t you?”

I was speechless.

The intuition told me that what she knew was more than what I could imagine.

So I nodded at a risk.

“Hmm~” she said, looking at me with a teasing expression, “The balls you have! You are brave to like your dad, huh.”

She had my secret, so I couldn’t refute, just smiling at her.

It seemed that she was moved by me. Then she told me several affairs between my dad and other men.

As for my dad’s attitude towards romance, he was scum.

In conclusion, his attitude towards others was the same as towards me.

Was he kind to them? Yes.

Was there feelings between them? Yes.

But it was impossible that my dad displayed his affections clearly.

Ms. XXXX said: “Anyway, he never said he liked men or women. When I joked on him, he never denied it. However, there’s no one who was introduced as his lover.”

Oh. He was really a desperately scum man.

I sighed deeply to express the pain of my one-sided and unrequited love.

Ms. XXXX added: “In fact, not only you, but also I and K are curious about it. But he has said nothing about it. So I am not sure.”

K was my dad’s childhood friend.

I said, “That means he has… I mean maybe, some feelings for me. So it’s not my illusion, is it?”

Ms. XXXX said: “Yes.”

I said, “What should I do now?”

Ms. XXXX said, “I have no idea.”

She also reminded me not to emotionally invest too much in my dad until I was sure to change our relationship, or it would be embarrassing. “Your dad is not a person who will be led by feelings,” she said.

I really didn’t think about it carefully before.

I thought at least I was his adopted son, which would protect our relations.

But I had never dared to think of it deeply.

If I didn’t get what I wanted at last, would I lose everything?

That made me scared.