Chapter 74

Cersinia threw the doorknob in her hand on the random table. May, who was following her, was startled by the dull sound and looked at the table. Fortunately, the table was hard and didn’t break.

“Why did you break the doorknob?”

As expected, May didn’t miss the question and asked it. Cersinia plopped and buried her body on the sofa. She couldn’t control the anger that rose to the end of her throat. Her anger was to the point that she couldn’t control her strength that she broke the doorknob.

“Are you angry that the Grand Duke smiled at her?”

“What do you mean? Why am I angry with that?”

Cersinia glanced over May, who kept scratching her stomach with a smile on what was so funny.

“No? Then why are you angry?”

“That’s…”

She couldn’t answer properly and shut her mouth. She was upset when she saw Ben smiling at Aronia. Her anger congealed, and her hands trembled. She probably wouldn’t only break the doorknob if she stayed there.

Looking back, it was her first time seeing Ben with another woman. Because he has never been with another woman except herself. So was with his smile. He didn’t show it to anyone other than her. It was regardless of gender.

‘Didn’t he act so cold even to the Crown Prince?’

‘Is that why I was angry?’

Cersinia was looking for the reason.

“You’re angry, aren’t you?”

May winked as if she knew it would happen.

“He never made a face like that before, except for me. It felt unfamiliar.”

He showed the expression he had only shown to herself. So, is it possible she acted like that just because she felt unfamiliar? As Cersinia spoke, she felt strange about herself.

“Hmm. You must be jealous.”

“What?”

Cersinia was so enraged at her words. May shrugged and said with an expression of surprise.

“You were jealous because the Grand Duke was smiling at another woman.”

“Jealous? Don’t say nonsense.”

“You like him.”

At May’s words, Cersinia’s expression hardened for a moment.

“You like the Grand Duke.”

She doesn’t know what kind of expression she showed at May, speaking with confidence.

“No. Something like that…”

Cersinia denied it, ignoring the almost agitated emotions. But she couldn’t stand still, wiggle her fingers, anxious about her feelings that remained like remnants.

“No way. Why would you be jealous if you don’t like him?”

May has been talking loud next to her, but her words didn’t reach Cersinia’s ears. Cersinia was confused even by herself, so she stared blankly in the air for a while.

“May, I want to be alone.”

Eventually, she sent May back. Because she didn’t want to hear more words that only confused herself. Sitting on the sofa alone, numerous questions aroused in her mind.

‘Why couldn’t I deny May’s words at once?’

‘Why couldn’t I easily define my relationship with him?’

‘Why did I keep delaying my rejection until the Harvest festival?’

‘Why did I hate it when he smiles at other women, and why did I only want him to smile at me?’

Whenever Ben called her name, her heart fluttered. Her face heats up as if on fire when she makes eye contact with him, and her heart is broken by seeing his crumpled expression when she has no choice but to reject his heart.

“I…”

Her low, hoarse voice subsided in silence. Her tangled mind became more and more unorganized. Her head was aching terribly.

Cersinia looked out of the window, frowning from her headache. The carriage she never saw passed through the Grand Duchy just in time. Perhaps it was the carriage that Aronia rode. Once again, she remembered how Ben smiled at Aronia, and she shook her head hard. She didn’t even want to remember it. Because she will only get annoyed by the things, she doesn’t know.

“Jealous.”

‘Is this the jealous May was talking about?’

She hugged both legs, reflecting on feelings that could not be clearly defined.

“Do I like him?”

Words that were awkward to say were flowing out of her mouth.

“No, I don’t think so…”

The first thing that comes to her mind is fear of unknown reasons. And it was a strong denial.

“I already rejected him, and now…”

So this feeling will be just a passing wind. Cersinia just wanted to believe it like that. Afterward, she sat in the quiet room where only her breath was heard, without moving her body. How many hours have passed? She raised her head, buried in her lap. The sun had set, and night had come.

“It’s already this late.”

It was well past midnight for her. The whole room was completely in darkness. Cersinia got up from her seat, glancing at the parlor doorknob that she had placed on the table.

She stopped thinking. The more she spent time, the more she wanted to deny it. She just needed time to catch up with her shaking heart. Stretching her body helplessly, she headed to the bed.

First of all, she had to sleep for tomorrow. She hadn’t yet solved the secret that Limapheus told her, so she had to look for it tomorrow as well as today. The moonlight was covered by the clouds that made her couldn’t see well, so she walked while fumbling her arms.

Cersinia turned on the stand on the table. It was to drink the water due to her burning thirst before going to bed. She picked up the glass of water that appeared under the light. It was the glass of water that Verne had brought. When she turned the glass of water upside down to drink, only two drops of water flowed out.

“When did I finish the water?”

The glass was empty. She thought to sleep right away for a while, but she wanted to prevent the probability of waking up from being thirsty. She quickly used her power and planted a flame on the candle. The mansion’s hallway was dark at night, even with the lights on. She left the room with a candle and walked down the hallway.

Cersinia didn’t want to wake Verne up for these trivial things. Now that the mansion is somewhat familiar, she went to the kitchen by herself and wet her throat to the fullest. She didn’t forget to fill up the glass just in case she needed to drink again overnight.

In the chilly energy penetrating through the thin pajamas, she shook and returned to the path she had come. The hallway was so quiet that only the sound of her breath and footsteps could be heard throughout the way. After walking for a while and turning to the last corner, she found a figure standing in front of the door, so she quickly hid her body. She could even recognize that person in a glance, even from the dim light.

‘Ben…’

Perhaps because she had been thinking about him all day, her heart was pounding. She shrugged, fearing that the sound of her beating heart would leak out into the hallway. She didn’t want to be discovered. Somehow, she didn’t dare to face him.

‘Why, here…?’

Why is he standing in front of her door at this hour when everyone is asleep?

Cersinia only held out her head over the wall. She could see Ben was fidgeting around in front of her door. Looking closely, he got there without slippers, his hair was disheveled, and his outfit was disorganized.

“Cersinia.”

He called her name and leaned his forehead against the closed door. His voice sounded very sad and painful.

“I like you.”

Soon his confession filled the quiet long hallway. After the Harvest festival, Ben had been hiding his appearance. He never mentioned his confession again. Cersinia knew the reason. He was afraid that she would feel uncomfortable and leave with a burden.

“…I like you.”

It was an echo that never returned. A bitter confession without no one listening. He muttered that he liked her, saying how much he wanted to convey it. Standing alone in the empty hallway, Ben stayed for a long time, leaning on the door that wouldn’t open.

“…”

Cersinia turned her head away. Her legs lost strength. She didn’t even have the strength to stand, so she sat on the floor. She couldn’t see it anymore. Because his appearance overlaps with her appearance, which was left alone three years ago.

She remembered herself sitting in front of the door, waiting for the door that didn’t open. She waited for him as if he would come back today or tomorrow with a smile. There was only one reason why she looked at the unopened door every day.

‘I already knew.’

She couldn’t help but know. Cersinia has realized it for a long time. She closed and opened her trembling eyelids.

‘I…’

From the moment she rejected his confession because of an uneasy future, she didn’t want to feel a sense of debt or regret it. So she constantly denied it. She self-rationalized that it was right and a good thing. Only then can she feel less guilty. She wanted to believe that it was for everyone, that her choice was not wrong. But there was nothing she could do about it now. It was a feeling that could no longer be hidden.

‘I like him…’

At that moment, the dam that had been blocking her heart until now collapsed. It was after the feeling that couldn’t subside again appeared on the surface.