CH 82

The two stood embracing each other for a long time. Cersinia dug more deeply into his large and warm arms. Her heart felt like it was beating faster at the sound of Ben’s heart heard from her ears.

Everything was good. It would be nice if the time could stop just like this. A few minutes passed, as she turned to let him go, Ben tightened his arms as if he had no intention of letting her go.

“It’s not enough.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not enough. So please let me hold you a little longer.”

As if to pay for the time he had been away from, he wrapped his arms around her waist and didn’t let her go. Cersinia smiled and nodded her head.

The moonlight shone in the darkroom was beautiful. It was brighter than any other day, whether the moon was even going to bless the two.

“Ben, I can burn it if you want.”

When only the sound of each other’s breath could be heard, Cersinia opened her mouth first.

“What are you talking about?”

“The basement.”

Ben was startled by the word ‘basement’ and then smiled softly. The way Cersinia said that was too straightforward, but it was just her style. Ben liked everything she said.

“I can do it any time you want.”

Cersinia meant it. She wanted to burn down the space that left Ben with terrible memories right away.

“It’s okay. As long as you’re by my side, everything is fine.”

He smiled low and closed his eyes full of affection. Her skin touched the tip of his nose, and the scent of her perfume and her body wafted out. When he smelled that scent, his heart pounded faster and his mind in peace. How much effort did Ben make to have this woman and keep her by his side?

His savior.

Cersinia was an irreplaceable light in his life.

“Are you really okay? Living with that name as it is.” She asked, gently stroking his broad back.

Cersinia felt sorry for him, who couldn’t be called by his own name and lived the names of others, so she wanted to take care of him.

“Ben is my only name. It doesn’t matter if no one else knows about it. I’m satisfied even if Cersinia is the only person called Ben.”

Cersinia’s face heated up at the low-pitch sound that resonated in her heart. Rather than saying he likes her, somehow, her heart raced at those words.

“I’m always your Ben.”

In an instant, a warm and soft feeling touched her neck and fell off. At the same time, his arms holding her tight were released. When she raised her head, she could see him with a soft smile.

“Then tell me whenever there comes a time when you want to live with your real name. I will be with you even then.”

Cersinia smiled gently at him. She vowed that she would be by his side from the moment she had made up her mind.

“Cersinia.”

Ben reached out to her with a smile. His finger caressed her cheek, which had tears marks.

“I want to be with you today.”

It was a dangerous sentence. To the point her thinking circuit stopped working.

Cersinia swallowed her dry saliva. She couldn’t move because of his burning dark purple eyes gazing at her body. His long finger passed her cheek slowly, and put her flowing hair behind her ears. She felt dizzy because she felt butterflies in her stomach every time Ben’s fingertips passed. 

Cersinia stood blankly, holding him with her wavering eyes. Ben’s hand went down across her cheek and gently stroked the knuckle of her finger. It felt like her whole body’s nerve cells were rushing over to her fingertips. Her sensitive fingers trembled every time he touched her hand.

“Can’t I?”

He gently grabbed her hand. His eyes stared intently into her eyes. Cersinia slowly lowered her head and saw her hand held by him. He held it tightly, but the tightly clenched hand represented his heart. The desire to continue to be with her. Cersinia raised her blushing face and smiled at him.

“Of course.”

Because they always wanted to be together. Tonight, there was so much she wanted to hear from him.

Cersinia clasped their hands together. The body temperature of the two, who were warmer than usual, was shared between their hands.

* * *

“Aaah…”

Cersinia groaned briefly.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

Ben looked at Cersinia with a worried expression on his face.

“No, it’s okay.”

“Why didn’t you tell me in advance? It’s swollen.”

Cersinia changed into comfortable clothes to sleep in and returned to his room. However, she forgot that her pajama dress was in length that revealed her ankles. Her sprained ankle on the stairs was swollen and had a dark bruise, and Ben eventually saw it.

“Did you feel sick in any other places? Or is there another place that hurts more than this?”

Ben was kneeling on one knee in front of her as she sat on the sofa. Her swollen ankle rested on his thigh.

“No. It will be all right after taking a steam bath.”

“I’m going to call the doctor right away.”

“At this hour? No!”

Cersinia stopped him right away as he was about to go. It’s already late at night with the pitch-black darkness.

“You need to get treatment soon.”

His face sank with disappointment.

“It will be fine when I take a steam bath. It’s never too late to check the condition in the morning.”

She grabbed his hand, worried that he was still worried about it.

“Ben. Right now, I just want to be alone with you.”

Ben hardened at her words. At the same time, their faces heated up as if red paint had spread.

“Ahem, so just stay here.”

Even though she had said it herself, her eyes wandered in the air, not knowing what to do with her embarrassment.

“…Cersinia.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t test my limits.”

He gave a sweet look, touching Cersinia’s hand. It was a dangerous situation even now. The stimulus was intense just by being together. Ben barely held it in, but Cersinia’s words ignited a fire in his heart. But he didn’t want to burden the injured person, so he suppressed the rising desire. But if Cersinia lights the fire again, he doesn’t know what will happen.

“Ah, sorry…”

Cersinia apologized. She didn’t know why she apologized, but she just thought she should do that.  Because Ben’s quivering eyelashes were being patient with something.

“I’ll bring some ice.”

Ben hurriedly left the room. Cersinia waited for him while touching her burning cheeks. Her heart was beating faster nonstop.

“Did you hear about what happened in the basement from Verdik?”

The two were lying in bed together. Cersinia was lying upright looking at the ceiling, treating her ankle with ice Ben had brought, and Ben lying toward her.

“Yes. I couldn’t believe his words, so I went to see Archen. Archen told me in case I misunderstood.”

“I see. Was there anything you were curious about?”

Cersinia quietly turned her head and stared at him. The questions she wanted to ask rose to the tip of her neck, but she didn’t readily open her mouth. She feared that her question would touch his wounds.

In Archen’s story, when the knights came to drag Grand Duke Kantrid, he said that the Grand Duke had already died, and Ben was standing next to him. Given the circumstances, anyone would think Ben killed his father. Even the novel said that he took his father’s life.

“It’s fine if you want to ask about what happened to the previous Grand Duke.”

Ben brought the topic first. He knew what hesitant Cersinia wanted to ask.

“No matter what happens, you are always the same to me.”

It was just simple curiosity, whether Ben killed his father or not. Whatever the truth, Ben is always the same to Cersinia.

“It looked like I killed him.”

He smiled after answering, then slowly hardened his expression and continued the story as if confessing.

“When the Grand Duke found out that I was the one who had uncovered the treason, he was shocked and collapsed. But I didn’t call a doctor, nor did I catch him falling.”

There was a frown on his forehead. Looking distressed, Cersinia pulled her hand out of the blanket and held his hand. Ben grabbed her hand as it wrapped around his.

“It was intentional. He may have wished he would rather die like this. But, really…”

A voice that said he didn’t know that the Grand Duke would die fell into the darkness. Cersinia turned towards him.

“If I were you, I can’t forgive him. I might have killed him with my own hands.”

What happened for three years, ignoring the dignity of a human being, was terrible and cruel even to talk about. When she heard everything from Archen, Cersinia wanted to burn Verdik right away.

“Ben, do you regret it?”

He was deeply troubled by her question. But the answer was set. If the Grand Duke was alive, he would have somehow tried to threaten Ben with Cersinia’s life. Even now, there are still forces supporting the previous Grand Duke, so threats to Cersinia would have occurred frequently.  

“I don’t regret it.”

Cersinia nodded at his answer without hesitation.

“Yes, that’s it. Don’t feel any guilt. You just did what you had to do.”

No one can gauge the depth of the pain he suffered. It’s a pain that only the person concerned knows. Cersinia wanted to understand him for whatever reason. She wanted to be by his side completely.

Ben took her hand and put it on his cheek. His heart is getting emotional.  Even if everyone called him the unscrupulous man who killed his father, as long as Cersinia knows the truth, that’s enough.

He carefully placed his forehead on her forehead. The distance between the two was close enough to feel each other’s breath. Cersinia raised her hand and swept over his bangs. After looking at him for a long time without saying a word, she brought out the words she had kept in her mind.

“Ben. Sometimes I feel like I’m not myself.”