Chapter 152

1. In a world without you

Tom couldn’t remember his mother’s face. Rather, it would be more accurate to say he didn’t know her.

His mother, who was frail, passed away from a fever three days after giving birth to him. She didn’t even have the chance to properly breastfeed the tiny creature she had held with love for ten months.

His father, known in the village as a lover, stopped eating and drinking out of guilt.

“Oh, man, the living must live! How long will you hold onto the deceased? Can you stand still, even hearing the baby’s crying?”

Despite the neighboring women coming over to breastfeed the whimpering, hungry baby, he spent several days in front of his wife’s grave as if he’d lost his soul.

Just before he went mad, he turned his anger on the baby.

“It’s your fault. If it weren’t for you!”

The fiery red eyes of the baby he faced properly after a week might have contributed to his anger.

A child born after devouring its mother. His baby should have looked adorable no matter what, but he couldn’t see the child who resembled his beautiful wife as merely cute.

Luckily, he wasn’t cruel enough to abandon his own flesh and blood. Despite blaming the baby for his wife’s death, he named him Tom, a common name in the village, and raised him.

When the child that only used to lay still began to turn over, crawl, and babble incomprehensible words, he seemed admirable and lovely, but it also reminded him of his wife who had gone too early without seeing this adorable creature.

Regrettably, he couldn’t bestow his complete affection on his most precious son in the world. His love was dry and distorted.

After being pushed by the villagers who told him not to be tied to the past, and welcoming a second wife, he had some peace of mind.

However, every now and then, when he’d forget, he’d get drunk and shout at Tom.

“It’s your fault!”

Although he apologized the next morning when he sobered up, his words had long become a blade that deeply cut Tom’s heart.

Whenever Tom heard harsh words from his father who should love him the most, he avoided his father for a while.

On the day of the incident, Tom was hiding in the corner of the room, curled up, trying to avoid his father who had been drinking and shouting the night before.

He shivered when he heard the door open, clutching the blanket over him even tighter.

This thin blanket, light enough to fly away in the wind, was absurdly his only protection.

Being under it always gave him the feeling that nothing in the world could harm him.

“Tom.”

He felt a hand gently stroking his head over the blanket. Even as he shrunk as much as he could, he instinctively perked up his ears.

He wished that his father, who he wanted to avoid so much, would be kind to him. It was a foolish hope that remained in a corner of his heart.

“I’m sorry. I won’t say such things in the future.”

The voice was just as hoarse as when he was shouting while drunk the previous night, but this time it was full of remorse instead of resentment. He was about to tear up from the sudden sorrow.

But Tom took a deep breath through his nose and bit his lip. He wouldn’t fall for those sweet words anymore.

“You said the same thing last month.”

He had heard the same words last month, and the month before. When he heard those words for the first time, the innocent Tom believed his father’s words as they were.

But even after that, whenever his father got drunk to the point of losing control of himself, he always poured out all his anger on Tom.

Only after that behavior repeated countless times, did Tom finally become able to reject his father’s words sincerely.

He was just ten years old and didn’t know much about the world, but he realized that it was better not to have hopes or expectations. If there are no expectations, there’s no disappointment.

“This time it’s real.”

“Liar.”

“I promise.”

Despite knowing it wasn’t sincere, a contradictory feeling of wanting to believe those words sprouted in Tom’s heart.

He crawled out of the blanket and looked at his father’s face. His father wasn’t looking at him properly, but the corners of his heavily wrinkled eyes were moist.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Really, you won’t do it again?”

“Yes, I won’t even drink.”

His father’s rough hand messed up Tom’s hair. With his hair tousled like a bird’s nest, Tom looked at his father’s awkward smile and giggled.

He didn’t know what was so funny, but he just laughed. He was laughing with his mouth and shedding tears from his eyes.

“What are you doing not coming out? We were going to go downtown.”

Two men, as if they had planned something, were silently staring at each other with identical expressions, which could be either smiling or crying. Suddenly, the door opened and the stepmother peeked her head into the room.

“Tom, you should get ready too.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Didn’t your father tell you we’re going into town?”

“Into town?”

Still teary-eyed, he blinked at his father, who roughly wiped his damp cheeks with the back of his hand.

“Go wash up and put on some clothes. We’re going to eat something delicious.”

“Your father said he’ll buy you a gift. Think about what you want.”

“What nonsense!”

“What’s nonsense? Just a moment ago, you were saying you didn’t know what to buy. It’s faster and better to ask directly and buy what he wants, right?”

“A gift?”

His birthday is still several months away. Why suddenly a gift? Not understanding at all, Tom blinked as my father told me to hurry up and left the room.

“Why did you say that? I was thinking of surprising him with a gift!”

“It’s much better to buy something he wants than to buy a strange thing. Did I say something wrong? If you’re going to talk like that, go and change your clothes quickly!”

Listening to his parents’ conversation from outside the room, Tom finally understood what his mother meant. He quickly got up and picked out the cleanest clothes he had.

After hastily washing his face with cold water like a cat cleaning its face, he hurriedly followed his father out.

The hot summer sun was fiercely shining in the middle of the clear blue sky.

His father walked ahead, carrying a bunch of vegetables to sell in town, and his mother, with a hole-filled parasol, walked just ahead of Tom.

Tom made a makeshift sunshade with his hands on his brow to block the dazzling sunlight and followed them diligently.

Under the shade of trees, where green leaves were abundant, cows stretched out comfortably, swaying their tails to chase away flies, and above them, birds were chirping.

Unknowingly, Tom was humming along to the sound and swaying his shoulders. He was excited by the feeling of peace he hadn’t felt in a long time.

‘Father has really promised this time.’

The fact that he had heard his promise last month, and the month before that, had long since vanished from Tom’s mind. This time, he decided to believe in his father.

If his father doesn’t drink and doesn’t resent him, he’ll start to really love him from now on. The thought made his heart swell and he felt like he could float up into the sky.

“What are you doing not coming quickly? Are you planning to get there and back today?”

“No, well, it’s just that you walk fast.”

While grumbling, his stepmother picked up the pace. Tom clenched his fists and sprinted. He overtook his mother, ran past the fields where the cows were grazing, and even passed his father.

“Hurry up!”

Turning back, Tom waved his hand at his mother and father and ran backwards.

“Hurry, hurry!”

Although his father clicked his tongue as if incredulous, Tom wasn’t scared of him anymore. Turning back around, he ran towards town with all his strength.

Despite feeling out of breath and his heart racing, he kept moving his legs.

He ran as fast as he could, as if he believed he could fly into the sky.

* * *

When they arrived in town and his father came out of the vegetable store, he looked happy. He said the carrots were thicker and fresher than elsewhere, so he got a much higher price than usual.

Hearing this, the stepmother also smiled, feeling rewarded for working hard on the farm.

Seeing his parents happy, Tom didn’t say anything, but he promised himself he’d help more with the farming next year.

Actually, it was a bit of an exaggeration to say ‘even more’. Until now, his father had been saying, ‘You’re so skinny, you might end up costing more in medical bills if you help with the farming,’ and had not allowed him to do farm work.

‘But now I’ll be eleven after my birthday!’

Eleven years old is no longer a child. Even now, his arms and legs have become significantly longer, and although it’s nothing impressive, his muscles bulge slightly when he flexes his arm. It means he could handle field work.

In fact, children of Tom’s age in the village were already helping their parents with the field work.

‘I’m going to help my father and stepmother with the field work starting from next year!’

Tom clenched his fists and made a resolve unknown to his parents.

“Since we’ve made good money, let’s eat something expensive today.”

His father, who announced this heartily, took Tom and his stepmother to a restaurant. It wasn’t a luxury restaurant, but it was a place that had a good reputation for delicious food in the village.

“Pick anything you like.”

“Really?”

“Of course!”

Tom, observing his father and stepmother, ordered the beef stew and pudding he had always wanted to try.

He worried about being scolded for only choosing expensive items, but his father happily ordered those dishes, emphasizing once again that he had made a good amount of money that day.

His father was about to get mad at the owner when a stone was found in the whole grain bread served with the soup, but Tom just laughed it off.

“It’s delicious.”

It really was delicious. What’s a small stone doing in the bread? Even though it hurt a bit, it was still enjoyable.

His father said that if he laughs without any worries, people will look down on him, but Tom liked that scolding as well.

‘If it’s fun, I can laugh.’

The bread was a bit disappointing, but the beef stew and the pudding were much more delicious than he expected.

The beef, simmered with wine for a long time, was so tender that it fell apart at the slightest touch of a fork, and the sweet pudding left a rich vanilla scent in his mouth even after finishing it.

After a satisfying meal, his father took Tom by the hand and headed towards the shops. Not even his birthday, but is he really buying a gift? Tom followed his father, blinking his eyes.

“Are you really buying it?”

“Of course it’s real, would I fake it?”

Tom’s cheeks flushed with excitement. It was great just to eat delicious food, but a real gift!

‘What should I ask for?’

Without realizing it, Tom started humming a tune. His steps became lighter, and he hopped around like a sparrow.

A picture book? Wooden block toys? Just when he was contemplating, recalling the toys that Nora, the neighbor girl, used to play with.

“Tom!”

Just as he heard his father’s sharp scream, Tom was violently pushed and fell to the ground.