Chapter 157

* * *

Even though Aunt Marie had mentioned ‘somewhere else,’ Tom didn’t really have anywhere else to go. Apart from his deceased parents, Tom had no family.

Aunt Marie also didn’t have a specific place to send Tom. She had relatives, but most of them lived in the same village or nearby villages.

Given Tom’s distinctive red eyes, unless he went somewhere far from the village, he would be quickly found.

After contemplating throughout the night, Aunt Marie took Tom early the next day and got on a carriage. The carriage ran, and ran, and ran. Tom just blankly stared outside the window, holding his bag of belongings.

Familiar landscapes faded away, and unfamiliar sights began to appear. Just as he was starting to get used to these unfamiliar scenes, the carriage stopped.

The orphanage Aunt Marie had brought Tom to was sponsored by the temple. She had decided on this place thinking that being under the protection of the temple, even the nobles wouldn’t dare to act recklessly.

“Are you all right?”

“…Yes.”

“Those people will lose interest soon, so when things quiet down, I’ll come and get you right away.”

Aunt Marie said that, but Tom was honestly a bit skeptical. It didn’t seem like those people would give up soon and even if they did, he wasn’t sure if Aunt Marie would be able to come all the way here.

Just like everyone in their neighborhood, Aunt Marie’s life was just getting by. With the crops from the small field that she worked on for a year, she was barely managing to survive for the next year.

Living off the harvest, and again living off the crops of the next year that has been grown for a year. It means they are not in a position to ride a chartered carriage all the way here.

He didn’t feel it, but the cost of the carriage today must have been quite fatal for her. Despite knowing that fact, Tom smiled lightly and nodded his head.

“Yes, I’ll wait.”

“Yes, take care.”

Tom ruffled his own hair and waved his hands towards the back of Aunt Marie, who was turning around. Aunt Marie looked back at Tom with every step she took, as if she was still worried about him.

Tom tried to smile as broadly as possible. But the moment the carriage that carried Aunt Marie left, why was he shedding tears again… Was it because after losing his parents, Aunt Marie and Uncle Ron, who had been by his side, disappeared and he became completely alone?

Still, he must not cry.

Tom bit his cheek hard to hold back his tears. It was because he thought that the children would look down on him if he cried in a place he was visiting for the first time.

“Welcome.”

The priest and the director of the orphanage, fortunately, treated him without prejudice. At first, he seemed to flinch at the sight of his red eyes, but he soon greeted him with a gentle smile.

The director, who had roughly heard about Tom’s circumstances, moistened his eyelids.

“You must have had a hard time losing your parents like that.”

“No, not really…”

Honestly, there wasn’t a day when he felt at ease. But he didn’t want to show that to someone he was meeting for the first time today.

Even if the person is kind-hearted, Tom couldn’t easily open his heart to the director.

“Well, if you say so.”

The director hugged Tom tightly, who was biting his lips. Tom’s body stiffened in surprise. 

“Don’t worry about anything else here and make yourself at home.” 

After that, he never mentioned anything about Tom’s parents or his red eyes. Tom preferred that to his clumsy comfort.

‘He seems like a good person.’

You shouldn’t judge a person by their first impression, but somehow he had a good feeling.

He thought that the children in the orphanage run by such a person would welcome him warmly. However, the children were different. Especially those who were new to the place, they blatantly avoided him when they saw his red eyes.

“Ah, hello?”

Even to his courageous greeting, they pretended not to hear and turned their heads to do their own thing.

Only the poor director was left awkwardly struggling. Tom nodded to him, who was trying to gather the children again.

“I’m fine.”

Actually, he wasn’t fine. The excited mood he had just a while ago had long since crashed to the ground. But Tom hid his hurt feelings and smiled at the director, then walked to a corner without children and sat down.

“I prefer to be alone anyway.”

Tom mumbled to himself, as if making a promise.

“I prefer to be alone.”

* * *

Seasons passed, and autumn, when he came to the orphanage with Aunt Marie, came again. There was still no special news from Aunt Marie.

Maybe she has forgotten him, or maybe something happened to Aunt Marie.

Tom looked at the children playing outside while he was aimlessly flipping through a book he couldn’t even read.

It’s been a year since he came here, but the children haven’t fully opened their hearts to Tom. Some still whispered that his eyes were strange, and some didn’t pay attention to him at all. Probably because Tom didn’t actively make friends with the children.

Tom turned the book pages aimlessly. The scenery of his longing hometown flickered over the paper full of pictures.

‘She will come.’

Last year, she had already paid for the carriage with the harvested crops, so she might not have been able to come this year because she didn’t have any money. Once this year’s harvest is over and she has some spare money, Aunt Marie will come to pick him up.

So he just has to hold on a little longer. Just a little longer…

Tom looked at his clumsy fingers turning the book pages and eventually closed his eyes.

* * *

This winter was particularly cold. Every day, snow poured down, and winds blew from all directions.

The children in the orphanage, who couldn’t even wear proper padded clothes, huddled together in one place, relying on each other’s body heat and shivering.

Even the children who used to growl at the sight of each other every day, in front of the instinct of survival, shared warmth with each other in an unspoken truce. =

But even within that, Tom shivered alone, curled up slightly away from the group.

‘It’s cold.’

The severe cold that turned yesterday’s enemies into today’s comrades, but his red eyes were still a source of fear for the children. Even as they cast fleeting glances at Tom, whose lips were blue, they didn’t dare to approach him first.

Unable to watch any longer, the director tried to take Tom’s hand and approach the children, but each time, the children backed off as if they had made a pact.

After that, Tom gave up on even a glimmer of hope. His life, after all, had been colder than the wind gnawing at his bones in the midst of people’s scorn.

‘But…’

It was something he had gone through over and over again, but his heart was bitterly cold.

The wind that had been howling even during the day became more harsh as night fell. The creepy sound of what seemed like a ghost howling kept coming from outside, and the windows were shaking as if they were about to be torn off at any moment.

But what was even more unbearable was the cold that gnawed to the bone.

‘It’s cold.’

Tom, trembling and wrapping himself tighter in the blanket, kept his eyes wide open to stay awake.

Even though he was so sleepy that his eyelids were heavy, he couldn’t sleep. He had a bad feeling.

‘If I fall asleep like this, I might not be able to wake up.’

He remembered hearing about a traveler who fell asleep in a cold winter and couldn’t wake up even when morning came. His father, hearing that story, had yelled, ‘What a fool! You must never sleep when it’s cold. If you doze off for even a moment, it could be disastrous!’ His father’s voice, uttered with contempt at the time, rang in his ears.

Tom slapped his cheeks that were already reddened from the cold until they became even redder.

‘I must not sleep.’

Then, suddenly, he felt a sense of doubt.

‘Does it matter if I stay like this?’

Thinking about it, he realized he didn’t have such an attachment to life that he would stay up all night resisting the overwhelming sleep.

Even if he survived today like this, tomorrow he would be shaking in the cold again, hoping desperately for winter to end, and even when the long-awaited spring came, his life wouldn’t get any better.

As it has always been, he would probably be biting into hard bread until his jaws hurt to fill his hungry stomach while receiving the scorn of the other orphans.

The relentless yet monotonous repetition of his daily life, over and over again.

He wondered if a warm light would ever shine on his life. Maybe the life that lies ahead of him could be more horrific than just falling asleep here forever.

Thinking this way, his heart seemed to lighten somewhat. Tom closed his eyes, letting go of everything. His eyelids, which he had been holding up until just a moment ago, fell smoothly.

‘It’s unfair though.’

Why was he born different from others? All he wanted was to play with his friends. If he had a warm and kind family like everyone else, it would have been great.

Why can’t he have what everyone else takes for granted?

Struggling to lift his heavy eyelids, Tom stared blankly out the window that was shaking violently in the wind.

God, if you really exist, please don’t forget me.

If I were to be born again, please give me warm love…

“I want to be loved, too.”

I want to meet someone who can look at me without fear in my eyes and smile at me.

At the moment when he made his most earnest wish, just before the flame of life went out, Tom’s red eyes sparkled golden.

If I am born again in my next life, I will surely…

* * *

“…Rey?”

A voice that always comforted his heart could be heard.

Instinctively, Reynard reached out his hand, felt Yurina’s waist, and pulled her closer. He buried his face in her warm embrace and took a deep breath.

The scent of flowers wafted as if to tell him that the woman in front of him now wasn’t a dream but reality. It felt like all the remnants of the nightmare he had a while ago were disappearing.

“Rey, what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well?”

Reynard buried his face in her chest and just shook his head. Yurina looked at him with a worried face, as if he was being a baby.

“Why are you groaning in your sleep if you’re not feeling bad? Are you sure you’re not sick?”

She gently stroked his hair once again as he shook his head. Reynard’s heart wavered at her gentle, loving touch, as if she were caring for a newborn baby.

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“…Perhaps.”

He tried to answer calmly, but his voice cracked. Yurina stepped back slightly and examined his expression.

Reynard’s face was terribly distorted, but she didn’t know what kind of terrible dream he had had. He was usually quite frank about his emotions with Yurina, but he didn’t express negative emotions much, as if he was worried about making her worry.

Seeing him unable to control his emotions and in pain made her heart ache.

“Did you cry?”

“No.”

“Then it must be because you’re tired and yawning. Right?”

Her soft hand gently touched his wet eyelashes. Both of them knew that the tears weren’t from yawning, but Yurina didn’t say anything.

Reynard was thankful for her consideration. He closed his eyes and silently accepted her touch.

“What dream did you have?”

“When I was at the orphanage.”

Yurina’s hand, which had been wiping his wet eyelashes, paused momentarily. As if urging her to continue, Reynard rubbed his own eyes with her hand.

Yurina hesitated for a moment before finally asking.

“Was being at the orphanage so terrible that you would have nightmares?”

Regret and sorrow filled her voice for not having found him sooner.

Reynard thought it was fortunate that she had found him at all, but she always felt sorry that she hadn’t found him, who wasn’t the person she was originally looking for, and that she had found him too late.

There was no need for that at all. Reynard quickly shook his head.

“It’s not like that. I’d be lying if I said I enjoyed life at the orphanage, but it wasn’t terrible.”

“Then?”

He couldn’t answer immediately.

Because you weren’t there. A world without you is more terrifying to me than a nightmare.

The words rose to the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to say them. Negative