Chapter 119 - 119- A King's Truth

He was sure that Theseus would be looking for him, all around the palace he would want to find him and tell him something, anything that would make him feel better. Allias did not want that though. As he ran away like a coward he realized how stupid he had been. Every time he opened his mouth his thoughts and the truth would mix together and the darkness would make him say things he didn't want to. 

At the moment he only wished to hide and stop his crying. He sprinted towards the kitchen, where the scent of freshly made bread and warm soup could almost become suffocating. He looked around at the cooks and staff who were staring at him dumbfounded as he screamed at the to get out. All of them began running away, not even daring to look behind and he felt even more pitiful. 

The kitchen had an island in the middle. Made from sturdy wood that had been covered by a very thick layer of shiny ice. That too was frozen. Allias pulled a stool and sat down contemplating if he should smack his head on the surface now or act a bit more like a baby. He bit his bottom lip and tapped his fingertips thinking. He was an idiot. A big one. 

"I thought I told everyone to get out." He said when he heard footsteps entering the kitchen. 

"Even me your majesty?" A woman asked. For a second he frowned, unable to recognize the owner of the voice. He turned around on his chair to face her, curious who would say something like that. When he observed her face his jaw dropped and suddenly tears came to his eyes again.

In front of him stood a very old elf. A woman he had known all his life. A Disee immigrant that his mother had employed on their palace even before he was born. She was tall with grey hair in a very strict pony tail. Her eyes were as black as the starless night.  In the years he hadn't seen her the wrinkles around her eyes and on her forehead had deepened making her look even wiser. She now had a cane, a colored wooden support as she slowly walked towards him. 

"Clelia, what are you doing here?" He asked her unable to take in her sudden appearance. 

"I heard that someone is going through a rough time." She said and sat next to him. 

"I thought that everyone I knew was…dead" Allias said hurting even by phrasing that sentence. 

Clelia smiled and took his hand in hers. She caressed the top of his palm with her thumb and asked him.

"What if everyone was dead…what would you do then?" 

"I... don't know. I feel like everything has changed and that it was my fault. I couldn't protect my people. Now I am back but everything is so different. I don't know if I can do it. I want to make the people happy but everyone that I had next to me is gone. My mother, she is gone too. I have missed so much, many of the people here don't even know me." Allias shared his troubles with her. She had been something like a nanny to him, ever since he was young and knew him very well. In her face she could see the only remnants of home. It was a very bittersweet sensation. 

"This place looks dead doesn't it? Covered in heavy snow, always cold. It's depressing. Much different from the home you were used to. I understand that. You woke up and all you could see were unfamiliar faces. You don't know if they trust you or if they truly want you. Everyone is so stern and strict. There is no music and no sun and it scares you, doesn't it? You are so far away from home, a home you can't return to and that hurts. The war hurt you so much so you only feel like there are just responsibilities and nothing else. There is nothing here" She asked him and the king nodded. "I have to say your grace I am quite disappointed in you. I had expected you to be much more than a cry baby."

"What?" Allias asked surprised. 

"Well you keep drowning yourself with all the negatives but let me ask you my foolish king…what is truly here?" She asked him with a motherly smile. "Can you tell me; after all the times you woke up what made you feel happy here?" Allias looked at the island scared to meet her eyes. He felt embarrassed as she pointed out his childish behavior. "Isn't Ea here? Ares? Your best friend Mark? Isn't Theseus here? The lover you chose to sacrifice your life for. And let me ask you. So many people died at the war, so many loved ones were lost but you came back. You were blessed enough to see at least some of the people you love. Isn't that a reason to be happy itself?"

"I know…it's just that…"

"It's not that you're unhappy. You are simply scared. Everything seemed to flow normally so does anyone really need you? Does Theseus need you? He seemed to be doing your job just fine" 

Allias stayed quiet. What could he answer to that woman who could so easily explain his fears better than him. He felt like there wouldn't be a place for him here anymore. He knew it sounded so selfish but all his life he had known that people depended on him, they admired him and feared his power. Now he was just a lost teenager, with not even one third of his power, afraid and sensitive. Lost in his own kingdom hurting the people he loved.

"Allias you need to relax. You will return to your own self soon. There is no need to hurry and your fear of not being needed, oh, my king you are so wrong. These people had been waiting for you for so long. They had grieved your death like they had lost a family member and prayed that you will come back to them safe and sound. You were loved by your people and still are. It's just that they are shocked. Everything happened so suddenly." 

"I am a fool Clelia. I know" Allias said and fell on the island. His face feeling the numbness of the cold furniture. He hit slightly his fist and sighed, his back going up and down. The old woman patted his head with a smile. He was still a child after all, he had never truly enjoyed his youth. 

"So if you want my advice my king I think it's time for the man we love to return. I can still see it in you."

"I treated Theseus really badly. He will hate me"

"Will he? I mean he waited for you. He took over all of your responsibilities and he found himself being hated and criticized because of his background. Then he tried to keep everything the same for you so when you returned you would feel at peace. He didn't smile for so long. So you should be ashamed for mistreating him. Yes, you can be immature but think a bit of how much he sacrificed for you. You need to apologize"

"But I want to search for my people. I need to do it."

"Then do it. If you really want to. Theseus is just scared that you will get hurt again. 

"I need to apologize but I don't know how to explain my feelings. You said everything perfectly while all I did was spit nonsense and hurt him. I am still a child."

"And that's okay." She said and caressed his cheek with her warm palm. "You will get to find your own self again, slowly and I am sure Theseus will always be by your side. Now if you need a little push, I may have a bottle of very good wine on that cupboard. Not that I approve of methods like this but a glass once in a while might help." She said and stood up. Before she left she pointed at the cupboard with her nicely fined nail. "Take your time. He waited for seventy years he can wait a few more hours." 

"Clelia. I am glad I got to see you again. Thank you for always being a great guide." Allias thanked her and she smiled at him wholeheartedly.

"It has been my pleasure to serve you."

After that,  Allias blinked a few times trying to process her words while he was alone. Would loosening up a bit help? Maybe. He wished to unwind his tongue that seemed to have more poison than a snake from time to time. He stared at the cupboard for a while, like he wanted to burn a hole through it and then he stood up, lazily heading there and searching its contents. Behind a jar of chocolate cookies and a sack of sugar he found it. A shiny bottle, in a tear like shape filled almost to the brim with a radiant crimson liquid. 

He held it in his hands and weighted it. Just one glass would help. It would warm him up and help him say the right things. He just needed to not think that much. He told himself and found a glass before sitting back down. His seat had already gotten cold and he shivered. In the empty room the sound of the liquid landing on the glass was loud and he enjoyed the calmness of everything.

He took a sip and he savored the rich flavor on his tongue. Closing his eyes, he repeated his apology again and again on his mind but this time it seemed a lot harder for him to do. He didn't want to swallow his pride and confessed that he wanted to be needed by his people, by his servants, by Theseus. He would sound even more childish if someone thought that he wanted that but at the same time he was scared of the responsibility. 

Just like that a whole hour passed and without realizing it he had drank all the wine. 

...

omg drunk allias. How will this go? Thanks for reading.