Chapter 196 - 196

Why was he apologizing? What kind of crazy situation was this? Allias wondered. His feet were rooted to the ground, his limbs heavy as he tried to think of something but every inch of his body had turned numb. His heart was racing and his eyes stung, tears gathering in their corners as Allias felt his whole core breaking. His eyes were completely round and he stared into the deep forest his lips slightly parted, small breaths escaping. Fast and uneven as his chest rose up and down. 

Soon he lost all his strength falling to his knees, his palms touching the fresh grass. His fists grabbed it, almost ripping it and he raised his head, meeting with Theseus.

"No, no, no" he mumbled as tears started to fall. "No!" he shouted and his palms covered his ears. He lay down on the ground, feeling the dew dump his clothes. He was getting a heart attack that was the only logical explanation for the pain on his chest, even if it was impossible for an elf. 

"Allias?" Theseus called out and kneeled next to him taking his hand in his. 

"I will die. I will fucking die." He cried, his free palm clutching his shirt, the spot right above his heart. "What did I do? Why? Oh gods no!" he said feeling the anguish crush him like a lifeless body on the rocks. Waves of sorrow, guilt and self-loath began attacking him, like hungry man eating shadows they surrounded him and attacked one by one, tossing his body here and there, dipping their sharp teeth on his skin, tearing him apart bit by bit. 

"Allias are you back?" Theseus asked. A hint of hope appearing in his eyes as his lover pulled his knees close to his chest, crying uncontrollably. He shouldn't be happy seeing him like this, dressed with a veil of utter despair but he just couldn't stop himself. If he was right Allias was returning and now he was being flooded with the consequences of his actions. 

The general tried to comfort him, rubbing his arm but Allias flinched, moving away from his touch as he tried to get up. 

"Don't touch me! Don't even look at me. How could I….I hurt you, my hand, I almost killed you…I cheated, I killed people. No" he cried staring at the hand that had passed right through Theseus' torso, almost ending his life. 

"Relax, Allias take deep breaths. I am here. Everything is fine I promise. Slowly we will fix this, everything. Like we've always done" Theseus said in calm, soothing voice and tried to approach him. Allias took a step back, raising his right hand, a signal for him to stop. 

"Don't just don't. I am disgusting" he cried and pulled on his hair. Letting out a pained scream, his lungs hurting. 

How could he do any of those things? What was he hiding inside of him that he let out all that anger, all that hatred? Especially towards Theseus, the one he loved the most in this world. He was despicable and he knew that this pain would never subside. This torture should never end because he deserved it, every bit of it, he needed to be punished but who would do it? Who would make him pay for his actions? Theseus, Mark or the others? He knew that no one would be able to do it. They cared about him too much and he was still their king. He would remain unpunished and as the years passed his soul would blacken more and more. 

"Allias, look at me. Focus on me. That person was not you. It was not. Believe me. I know it, the guys know it and we will fix it. This pain you feel I will help you with it. We will get through it together. I will be there for you so please come here, okay?" the general said, hoping that Allias would find shelter in his embrace, a soothing comfort as he opened his arms, revealing a place that existed only for him. 

Allias would never. He would never ask someone to share that burden with him, this needed to sink in, find its roots in his heart and torture him for as long as he lived. His despicable actions needed to be engraved in his body, his soul and mind until the end of time. That wasn't enough though, the pain was not enough. 

"Don't follow me. I am going back to the palace." He told him 

"We can go together." Theseus proposed but Allias had already disappeared. He had been expecting this, the pain and the guilt. He knew the king too well to even hope that things would easily go back to normal but now that he had brought him back he had no idea how to help him. He would end up ruining himself. 

He would end up ruining himself. Theseus repeated on his mind in shock. Yes, Allias had tried to do it again what would stop him now as he was drowning from guilt? The general began feeling immense worry, teleporting at the palace and running from room to room. He shouldn't have left him alone. Once again his thoughts were one step behind. 

"My king what have you done?" he heard Ea scream and rushed to the source. Allias had headed into their room. 

He had stolen a knife from the kitchen, a heavy one with a wide blade the cooks used to chop meat, break the bones of dead animals. Theseus noticed Ea standing at the doorframe of the bathroom, the light on and his palms over his mouth as he tried not to shout. 

Theseus rushed inside to face the horrid scene. He was too late, this time he didn't manage to save him. Allias was standing there, the heavy knife in his hand as he was surrounded by endless pools of his own blood. A clear expression of anguish on his face as he bit his lips hard so he wouldn't scream. 

The general could not believe what he was looking at. 

Allias had cut his arm off. The one he used to hurt him. He had mutilated himself.

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Hello please let me know in the comments what do you think of this chapters since we will be entering a new arc soon, even more exciting! I hope you like the little light and shadow stories, a bit more romantic. hehe. 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thanks for reading.