Chapter 6

I took a deep breath and slowly opened my eyes, and her worried face was facing me.

“What’s wrong, Hazel? Do you have any idea?”

“No, it’s not. It’s just… I felt like crying when I saw Teacher again after a long time.”

I sighed as I pretended to wipe away tears.

“What the hell did your husband do until it got to that point?”

It had only been over a year since my Coming-of-Age ceremony, but Teacher, who was furious about what kind of marriage I had, looked down on Leopold as well as Mrs. Lawrence, who took the lead in fully supporting me in the academy. Therefore, it was natural to bet on my husband first.

“Leopold tried his best to cure my illness.”

She asked, raising one eyebrow suspiciously.

“Really? Then the possibility that he turned back time–“

“No, Teacher. He’s a family member of the Lawrence family, and he’s a very responsible man. He’s never the kind of person who’s going to give up his life.”

With a firm answer, I lowered my eyes again.

Fortunately, the teacher didn’t ask any more questions about him. Apart from being responsible, she must have read that our marriage was not smooth based on my hardened expression.

In fact, it has been my long-standing habit to defend him in this way to somehow justify my husband’s words and actions.

He’s too tired to go out to dinner with me, and he’s too tired to go out with me. I’m not of noble birth to sleep with him. I’m too young for him to…….

I have defended him as well as others in this way every time. If I didn’t do that, I would have felt sorry for my feelings for myself.

“It doesn’t matter who turned back time. Maybe God has just shown mercy.”

“…… That’s right. We can’t explain everything in the world logically.”

I nodded slowly and agreed, as I was fiddling with my chin.

I came to see my teacher because I was curious about the reason why this happened, but as time went by, I thought it was a good thing.

The only thing that I think of now is that I don’t want to miss this life, the opportunity I got again, and I don’t want to miss it in vain.

“I’m leaving the duke’s house.”

A long silence filled the space with my calm declaration.

After all, my Teacher would have nothing to say if her student who just had her wedding ceremony yesterday suddenly comes to her in the morning and says something strange that she died and then came back to life, and talks about leaving her newlywed house.

I sat back and waited for her response.

“Where are you going?”

There was still no question. I’m sure she has a lot of questions.…. Has she already discovered the truth buried deep in my heart, with her dazzling golden eyes that seems to reveal anything?

“I haven’t decided yet. But I’m going to go wherever my help is needed.”

“You will be welcome anywhere. I hope His Majesty will let you go.”

(t/n: they’re talking about the Emperor here)

“He will allow it because he’s a saint. He’s wanted to send me to the border since a long time ago.”

“A saint? Even a dog passing by must be laughing. He’s a jerk, too. Tsk.”

I smiled softly at the gossip I heard after a long time. I couldn’t count the days when I was stamping my feet because I thought I would be taken for profanity, no matter how long I was friends with His Majesty.

As I tried to face what had only remained as a memory again in front of my eyes, the emotions I had kept pressing down seemed to burst out. I tried to calm down my wild mind and pretended to be okay and said the request.

“Teacher, please keep it a secret from my husband. He doesn’t know I died and came back alive. I made a little slip of the tongue right after I woke up, but he probably didn’t notice it. It’s usually hard to imagine things like this.”

“Don’t worry about that. But send me a letter sometimes. Don’t forget that the academy is always open to you.”

“Yes, I will.”

As soon as I answered, I hurried up from my seat. The heat was already rising around my eyes.

“Hazel, I hope you don’t regret your second life. Please be healthy.”

Instead of answering with a friendly concern and a bright smile, I quickly left the dean’s office. I thought I’d cry my eyes out if I stayed longer.

I returned to the mansion and made plans for the future step by step.

First of all, I married Leopold, I promised Mrs. Lawrence to find a way to heal her leg, then I will meet His Majesty and obtain a status card and some property, and finally find a house far from the capital.

Writing down the list, it didn’t seem too difficult. However, the only thing that bothered me was Leopold’s condition.

‘If I lived now and came back to the past with him, there is a high possibility that he will die soon.’

I kept thinking about him even though I knew it wasn’t him. His heartbeat that feels artificial without any intensity is never a good signal.

In the end, I decided to take a look at it for a while after eating, and I brainwashed myself hard that I’m doing it not because I still have remaining affection for my husband but for the sake of my duty as a healer.

“Dinner is ready, ma’am. I’m here to pick you up.”

It was the voice of Emily who served me.

“Yes, I’ll be out.”

I am now familiar with it, but at first, Leopold was harsh because I couldn’t even act properly.

‘What the hell do you think you are? Act according to your position. Don’t tarnish the name of Lawrence.’

Since then, I quickly changed my habit of speaking, but his harsh admonition has not been forgotten for a while. However, considering what I have been thinking so far, I have not forgotten it for a while.

Pretending not to know the sudden sadness, I opened the door. Emily bowed politely. She was also a welcoming person, but I only gave a light greeting because it was time for me to distance myself from others.

As I walked down the hall with Emily in front of me, painful memories attacked me. How long has it been since I had dinner with Leopold? The last meal they had was a long time ago.

‘It’s definitely impossible to have such a full dinner together.’

The insensitive voice that sounded like thunder even though it was a small murmur.

The things he should not have said to me that made me shed tears as I made my way back to my room.

Ah, my heart is twisted and crushed again. Even in the distant past, it’s still not okay…….

I stood in front of the dining room when I arrived. I couldn’t move my feet over the open door.

Soon, Leopold, who found me, jumped up from his seat and came running.

“You look pale. If you’re not feeling well, you don’t have to overdo it. Let’s go to the bedroom.”

His eyebrows were wrinkled, his eyes filled with anxiety, his voice trembling slightly.

Why do you care about me? Is this also a prank of a god wearing the mask of mercy?

“No, I have something to say……. It’s all right, sit down.”

Leopold held out his hand without taking his eyes off me. That big, cold hand, which I wanted to hold so much but was unable to hold properly. Was it really unfair that my feelings were not returned? As my husband showed a friendly attitude, the more my remaining emotions gradually cooled down.

“You don’t have to escort me. It’s just around the corner.”

I sat at the table, holding the hem of my dress, not his hand.

While Butler Peter was pouring wine before the main course, I tried not to meet my husband’s eyes and raised my glass.

It may be just my own self-assessment, but I thought I’d be a little upset if I showed a hurt look on my face about this kind of thing.

On the other side, the chair was dragged and there was a small sound of friction. Only then did I raise my head slightly and looked forward, and saw Leopold smiling softly.

He should’ve smiled like that at least once. It’s not difficult, and fake smiles are okay, so once in a while is okay.

I turned to the tableware again because I thought I would show resentment in my eyes.

Even if it was a bad feeling, I didn’t want to share any more feelings with him. I just wanted to get away from him like I didn’t know him at all.

But Leopold seemed a little different from me. As far as I remember, he didn’t open his mouth during the meal, so he said cautiously.

“I heard you went to the academy.”

“Yes.”

“What happened in the morning?”

“I had something to discuss with the teacher.”

In the first place, we only talked once before we got married, and we didn’t even have time to get to know each other deeply. So my stiff attitude may seem rather natural.

“So, did it work out?”

“Yes.”

I didn’t mean to pick a fight, but my voice sounded a little cold and uncomfortable. After being in such pain, I felt pathetic for myself, who still wanted to be a good person in front of my husband. Leopold opened his mouth again as if he had waited when I started eating, shaking his head inside.

“What did you do when you came back to the mansion?”

Why does he keep asking about my daily life? His interests are only territorial management and imperial territorial expansion.

I managed to swallow the mashed potato and answered slowly with a puzzled eye.

“Just this and that.”

Leopold did not lose his light smile and began to tell trivial stories like he used to.

“I attended the meeting of the nobility in the morning. The agenda was about strengthening border security.”

“I see….”

“By the way, I was told that you like to eat your favorite eclair for afternoon tea, so I wonder if you ate it well.”

I barely endured a dry cough and rolled my head. How does he know I like eclair, and how was he able to make that unrealistic comment when I packed my dessert myself?