Chapter 39

Fernan kicked his seat and stood up, approaching the other side.

"What are you going to do now…!"

The Marquis, sensing the danger, stepped back.

Fernan grabbed the Marquis by the collar and threw him to the stone floor.

"Ah!”

Blood began to pool around the Marquis' head.

He couldn't even get up, and only painful grunts spread through the parlor.

Fernan looked down at the Marquis with eyes full of murderous intent.

He had to kill this man and make sure he would never talk with that dirty mouth again.

"Your Highness!”

Lloyd, who came inside after hearing a scream, shouted in shock. He hurriedly grabbed Fernan to stop him, but it was useless.

"Now, please calm down!"

Lloyd blocked Fernan with his whole body, but Fernan pulled out his sword after removing Lloyd roughly.

As such, it was the moment when he was about to cut the Marquis' head with a single strike.

Suddenly, his mind recalled the last image of Julia.

The image of her standing on the edge of the cliff, holding the knife to her thin neck, filled his eyes for a moment.

Blood flowed from her white neck, but her face was so nonchalant, as if she didn't feel the pain.

The image of her smiling faintly and throwing herself down the cliff without hesitation was so vivid that it was painful to watch.

Fernan’s lips began to tremble faintly. At this moment, he had no choice but to realize.

He realized that he too was no different from the Marquis.

He had hurt Julia, he drove her to the edge of a cliff when she tried to escape. Even though he was like that, he was disgusted to the point of losing his mind at this moment, himself trying to kill the Marquis for her.

‘I guess I'm just the same bug to Julia.’

"Ugh! Your Highness!"

Taking advantage of the opportunity when Fernan’s movements stopped, Lloyd managed to push his body away.

The Marquis, who was writhing in pain, was finally able to get out of his grasp, but his face on the floor was horribly bloody.

After crouching down trembling, he crawled on the floor and left the parlor bloodily.

He held onto the railing with his trembling hands. The waiting servants were surprised to see the Marquis, whose face had turned pale and bloody, and their mouths dropped open. The Marquis walked down the stairs in a dazed manner, as if he didn't even have the energy to feel shame. 

“Your Highness…"

Lloyd called Fernan in a distracted voice. Then he checked his expression and fell silent.

Fernan was trembling with his lips clenched.

Lloyd turned his head like a man who had never seen anything, in the weak appearance of the lord he had never seen.

Clink.

The sword in Fernan’s hand eventually fell randomly to the floor.

As such, the Marquis left as if to flee, and for a while there was a gloomy silence in the Grand Ducal Castle. It was not until some time after the Marquis had left that Fernan came out of the parlor.

Heading off somewhere with precarious steps, Fernan stopped at the end of the corridor. The place where he stopped was in front of Julia's bedroom. Creak, Fernan opened the door and stared into the cold, empty room. 

Even though the room had been empty for quite a while, it was not much different from before Julia disappeared. On the table there were some books that Julia had read and an empty vase. 

Fernan just stood there, not touching anything, not taking any action. For such a long time, he stared dimly at one wall. Only the memories wrapped around his empty head.

“Your Highness…..”

The trembling voice, the watery blue eyes that looked up at him.

It was the day that he thought Julia tried to give him an aphrodisiac.

He stared at Julia, who was frightened and saying she was innocent, while he poured the potion on her dress in a threatening manner.

He did not listen to her that day, even though he could see the reddening of her eyes as she cried.

There was no expression on his face, and a moment of vexation appeared on his face.

Whenever he tried to remember Julia in this way, he only remembered her hurt face.

He couldn't remember a single good memory during this short marriage.

He only gave her raw impression that he wanted to get rid of her and how to get away from her.

He could already see why she was trying to get away from him, Fernan was already losing his mind.

"..Was I a wife to Your Highness?"

Until the end Julia asked as if she expected nothing.

She must have asked knowing that he couldn't answer. Because he had never once treated Julia as his wife.

Every time her beautiful shining blue eyes turned to him, he pushed her away and said harsh words.

He desperately rejected her, for she kept trying to get close to him.

Despite pushing him so hard, Julia calmly entered his heart without his knowledge.

At some point he began to chase her, whom he treated so coldly.

The realization came too late. When he thought that he wanted to keep Julia by his side, it was because she did not want him any more.

There was no Julia to tell him she loved him.

He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to get her to stay with him, so he chose to keep her under surveillance and force her to stay in the castle.

‘Actually, I should have said I was sorry and asked for her forgiveness. I should have been gentle and kind to her for the pain she was in.

I shouldn’t have held on to her but let her go freely…’

Fernan buried his face in his trembling hands. He realized everything, but there was no Julia now.

No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn't even find a trace of Julia.

****

After a long time, Julia finally stepped on the soil of another country.

Normally, the process of crossing the border was tough, but thanks to the relatively loose inspection, she was able to escape the Empire without difficulty.

It was also thanks to the fact that Cedric had secured her new identity in advance.

Their final destination was the Holy Land, located in the southern part of the continent. It was also the home country of Matheus and Cedric.

It was a rather closed country with little interaction with other countries.

Julia was going to prepare to ride alone and stay at a monastery there. 

"Get some sleep, Julia.”

Cedric approached Julia, who was sitting in the lobby, absentmindedly looking out the window.

It was going to take them a long time to get to the Holy Land and they were currently staying at an inn.

Julia replied with a faint smile.

"I can't sleep. So many things on my mind…”

"There has been too much going on. I understand.” Cedric said.

Nodding, Julia murmured.

"…I can't really feel it. I don't know if I'm really free, if I'm really done with all this…"

She was more confused than thrilled or happy. She was also a little anxious.

She didn’t think there were any unresolved feelings left, but the painful memories probably wouldn’t disappear with time.

The faces of the people she didn't want to remember anymore wouldn't disappear for a while either.

Suddenly, she remembered the last time she saw Fernan. The desperate figure that tried desperately to catch her was unexpected.

Instead of feeling relieved when she thought of that figure, her heart sank.

Shaking her head to erase her thoughts, Julia stared at the window again.

Cedric, who followed her gaze, suddenly opened his mouth.

"Why don't you think about what you are going to do in the future?"

Julia averted her gaze and looked at Cedric. He continued with a light shrug.

"Isn't there something you've always wanted to do? Even a small thing would be fine."

Julia's eyes lit up as she remembered something that had been bothering her for a while.

“I want to grow a garden. I want to make this and that with flowers…."

"That's a good idea."

“I'd like to make some friends, if I can. I would like to go to private festivals. I've never enjoyed a festival before."

She thought about it and new things came to her mind incessantly. There were many things she wanted to do, even if it wasn't something grand.

Cedric smiled at Julia, who was seriously contemplating.

"If there is anything you need, just let me know. That's why I've been following you, Julia."

"No, I'm just grateful that you came with me this far." 

"No…"

She could no longer cause trouble to Cedric, who helped her only with Matheus’ request.

She felt sorry for taking up too much of his time, because he must have his own life to live.