Chapter 85 - Minion Acquired

Even though her target is unmistakable, the bearer of the cursed purse hesitates and stays where she is, waiting for the group to fully enter the Department of Villainous Organizations before calling out to them.

At first, her attention is fixed on Lucas's face, but after a few moments, she belatedly realizes what he's wearing, as well as the fact that Jonathan beside him is equally suited up. Her eyes widen as she gasps, bringing a hand up to cover her smile.

'This is so awkward... Now I kinda feel guilty about the uhh, occasional look I made at Nat, how the hell is this so uncomfortable?'

[...Occasionally every chance you had.]

'Hey!'

[Don't bother trying to deny it.]

'...'

[Ha.]

Aware that he won't be able to casually escape this time, Lucas takes a deep breath and actually enters the building behind the others, despite his urge to just run away and not deal with the fan-girl.

'...Now that I got a good look at her... She's barely older than Jon, isn't she?'

[While I can't confirm conclusively as the database only bothers tracking non-powered individuals when they are someone of significant influence or sufficient GDV, based on her appearance, I agree with you.]

'...Goddammit. Now it feels even weirder.'

Seeing that he's approaching, she adjusts her hair one more time before she reaches into the purse of the damned and rummages around briefly, pulling out a small stack of neatly folded papers.

Getting an odd sidelong glance from both Jonathan and Miss Masher, she walks the short distance to stand in front of Lucas, cutting him off before he can manage to walk past her initial position.

"Xe-Xenoclast! It's so good to see you! No, wait, um. Good morning, Xenoclast! Congratulations on starting your own organization! I hope you are willing to accept non-powered employees! I-I have experience! I was with Howling Cartographer until they laid off every non-supe member, and made all their supes get day jobs so they could stay afloat!" As she does a poor job of reigning in her enthusiasm, she is borderline yelling the whole time. Unfolding the pile of papers, she holds them out in front of her with both hands, facing in such a way that Lucas can easily read them.

'Uhh... Her resume? Wait, how can she have any real working experience, isn't she too young?'

[...Do you really think supervillains care about child labor laws?]

'...I concede defeat. Uh, can you like, confirm her stuff? Or not without a database entry-thingy?'

[Well, her claims about Howling Cartographer appear to be in order. Going through their information... Ah, a non-powered 16 years old female worked there as a receptionist for two years, no demerits of any sort on her record, her name is Clarissa McManus. This all lines up, there's a good chance that's her. And taking a look, yes that matches up with the resume she's holding out, as well.]

'...Huh. Wait. Should I actually consider hiring her?'

[...The sooner you start establishing employees, the better. She could fill a core role for you.]

'...I really don't like this.'

[I don't like the fact that your HQ is going to be in MF's Fashion Boutique, yet here we are.]

'...Okay fine.'

While contemplating the fact he is terribly uncomfortable with the idea of willingly inviting her to hang around their organization, the corner of Lucas's mouth twitches a few times before he manages to bring himself to smile at her. Miss Masher's look of confusion has shifted into mild amusement, whereas Jonathan's expression went from confused into a vacant stare off to the side, followed by barely suppressed giggles.

Willy has stepped forward during the exchange, looking up at the young woman. After thinking for a few moments, he seems to have come to some decision and has barked up at her once, slightly muffled from his current state of carrying his three chew dolls.

'...I guess Willy thinks we should hire her?'

[I do believe so.]

'FINE!'

Clearing his throat, Lucas subconsciously straightens his posture a bit, entering into professional mode.

"Well, I believe we are on the market for a few employees, though are you really so sure you wish to join an organization you don't even know the name of? Don't let our looks deceive you, we aren't exactly going to be rolling in money, either." For some reason, seeing Lucas be so serious about this has pushed Jonathan over the edge, thus he has started openly laughing, earning a glare from Lucas. The laughter proves infections, and Miss Masher joins in as well.

Completely losing his temporary formal mannerisms, Lucas slumps forward a bit and sighs.

"For real though, we're seriously gonna have a dumb name. Though it's on purpose, of course. And I mean come on, one of our founding members is a DOG. ...He's a very good boi, and totally deserves it." As Lucas speaks in a far more normal tone, Clarissa is struggling to maintain her own poorly forced attempt at professionalism.

"That's fine! I mean, um, names don't matter! I can wait for my first paycheck until things are settled, I know starting out can make for weird finances! Especially with how hard it will probably be to get an HQ! AND ALL DOGS ARE GOOD!" And lo, with those five final words of Clarissa's, all of Lucas's concerns have been washed away.

'Ah good, a woman of culture.'

[...]

"Well... Actually... We may have an HQ lined up already, try not to be too surprised. I'm gonna keep where it is a secret until we're sure though." As Lucas tries to keep things mysterious, he and Jonathan exchange a knowing look, both of them smiling slightly.

Realizing that he needs to actually outwardly check out her credentials, Lucas gingerly plucks the resume from her hands and makes a show of looking it over, handing the pages off to Jonathan one at a time once he finishes them so he can also go through the motions, not really taking into account the fact that most people probably wouldn't feel the need to get the approval of a fourteen-year-old sidekick, nor their son for that matter.

Once Jonathan has finished his own set of going through the motions, he awkwardly holds the completed resume for a few more moments before just giving it back to Clarissa, having nothing else to really do with it.

She folds it back up and tucks it away in the accursed purse, still directing most of her attention on Lucas, who is now making a display of trying to seem like he's considering things.

"Well, Clarissa... Hmm... Clara, perhaps we could arrange to have some room for you." Falling into some sort of half-assed semi-professional state, Lucas's declaration still leads to Clarissa cheering and jumping with her fists in the air. While Lucas is undoubtedly amused, Miss Masher directly laughs out loud at her antics.

"Oh! Even though you're joining right away, you still don't count as a founding member though!" Feeling the need to clarify, Lucas adds this in in a rush.

"Of course, I understand!" Composing herself after finishing her celebration, Clarissa nods repeatedly while answering.

"...But really though, isn't just randomly joining a supervillain organization as a young unpowered... Really dangerous?" Asking the last question that has Lucas hung up on the whole exchange, she actually smiles brightly in response.

"But I already know that being around you is safer than anywhere else!" With her fervent declaration of faith, Lucas flinches and chokes, Jonathan bursts out laughing, and Miss Masher simply looks confused.

Being the very good boi that he is, Willy announces his supporting agreement with an enthusiastic bark.

[...Congratulations on your first die-hard fanatic employee. Truly a redeeming quality for a henchman, er, henchwoman... Henchgirl? ...Minion. Let's just stick to minion.]

'Whew, what a ride.'

[Shut up.]

-----

Lucas kills this chapter: 0

Lucas total kills: 7

Lucas deaths this chapter: 0

Lucas total deaths: 10

Lucas current GDV: 9.01 (+.01 +.01 = +.02 net change)

Lucas's fame level: 2.75* (Mostly just local)

Lucas's hero suspicion level: 1.5* (Only highly paranoid people)

Jonathan kills this chapter: 0

Jonathan total kills: 5

Jonathan deaths this chapter: 0

Jonathan total deaths: 2

Jonathan current GDV: 2.01

Jonathan's fame level: 1.75* (Just local)

Jonathan's hero suspicion level: 1* (Only highly paranoid people)

Supervillain social circle size: 10 (All jokes aside, pretty obviously going to be increasing soon. Even though she's unpowered, she's still part of supervillain networking, thanks to her last job.)

-----

Little character theater:

Jonathan, having a ball laughing his guts out: You-you weren't kidding when you called her a crazy lady! Safe my ass!

Willy, tail happily wagging as he looks up at their new employee: Bark!

Lucas, admittedly amused, but mostly concerned: How many times is this poor girl going to die while working for us?

427, similarly amused and far less concerned: [Several times, I imagine.]

Author, trying to hide their mischievous grin: I can't help but wonder what Miss Masher is thinking after that last line from Clarissa, eh?

Mr. Quacks, pleased with the increased number of his, no, the organization's, minions: Quack!