Chapter 138 - Improv Orders

Although Miss Calculated is amused by Lucas’s fuming, she decides to take the initiative to clear things up. Well, to some extent, at least.

“Well, regardless of what titles you’d like to use, yes, I suppose it is fair to say we’re all more than mere acquaintances at this point. And, to further answer your questions, Ji Soo; thanks to you, we found out that the newly released model didn’t include my latest algorithm for call tracing for a more accurate caller ID.

“That was the final data point I needed to determine that the numerous ways with which they cut corners all added together crossed the threshold of acceptable thriftiness. I will operate under the assumption that you heard what I said, and as I wasn’t given a prototype, I had to rely on disassembling Jonathan’s recent purchase to discover some of the multiple ways they didn’t quite live up to my specifications.

“I imagine it was just going to be a matter of time before I made these discoveries, but, even still, thank you for bringing it to my attention all the sooner. The longer these… Substandard excuses of supposedly my recently updated design… Hmph, regardless, as long as they stayed on the market while being advertised as having my approval… Ugh. At least we caught it soon enough that I can make it perfectly clear that this isn’t MY product, and any faults do not lie with ME.” While Miss Calculated manages to vent further, as well as explain the recent situation, Lucas subconsciously angles the phone so it is facing her.

By the end of her sister's little tirade, Miss Chievous suddenly has an expression of enlightenment, then she steps over to start rummaging around in the bag that Miss Masher is currently carrying.

“O-oh. W-well, I’m honored to have been of assistance, Miss Calculated. I, uh, I must admit, I really admire yo-your latest treatise on alternate power sources. E-even without updating the Six Precepts of Cybernetics as you suggested, certainly the existing fifth would compel any service bot with a self-sustaining nuclear core to seek repairs, or power itself down before any hazards began. They’d be more reliable than any existing power plants!” While Ji Soo sounds decidedly timid at first when responding, he picks up steam and gains an enthusiastic tone once he’s geeking out. About halfway through him speaking, Miss Calculated’s eyes widen a bit, and she snaps her attention back over to 23.

Just after Ji Soo finished being a nerd, for the moment, at least, Miss Chievous pulls out a large insulated metal water bottle from the black messenger bag. She shifts it over to carry it in her left hand, and then unceremoniously reaches into one of Miss Masher’s cargo pockets, rummaging around once again, now with a grin.

“Hey. Hey, Mash. Is that a boomerang in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” Miss Chievous is practically grinning from ear to ear as she says this, getting a snort of laughter in response from her younger sister almost immediately.

Pulling her hand back out of the knee-height pocket, her pinky and ring finger are curled around a small object. She uses her remaining three fingers to trace along the edge of one of the boomerangs jammed into the pocket, pointedly making it as vulgar of a gesture as she possibly can.

With how hard Lucas is now currently laughing, it seems she reached peak comedy. Not that Miss Masher is all that far behind him, in terms of hysterics.

“Good God, that’d be one hell of a monster to hang that low. Ha, betcha got enough testosterone for it, though.” Lucas can’t resist adding on to the joke, completely disinterested in the nerdetry that is coming out of his phone.

“Hey! I’m all natural! I earned every last ounce of these babies!” As Miss Masher immediately denies any implications of hormonal supplements, she can’t resist flexing, shifting between multiple poses as she does so.

‘Yo, it’s physically possible to get that swole without ‘roids?’

[...Yes. Not everyone is as lazy as you are.]

‘Hey! That was totally unnecessary!’

[Heh.]

Miss Chievous cackles along with her own share of laughter as she steps back over to Miss Calculated, holding out both the water bottle and a cherry throat lozenge.

“Oh, thank you.” Miss Calculated quietly accepts her twin’s offerings, leaving poor Ji Soo hanging as she takes a few sips of water and unwraps the lozenge.

Considering how smoothly this exchange occurred, it would seem that Miss Calculated’s rants are hardly a rare occurrence.

After Miss Calculated takes a moment to enjoy the wild cherry flavored pectin lozenge, she pushes it with her tongue into one of her cheeks to resume speaking, pointedly ignoring the tomfoolery that just occurred.

“Mmm, of course. Actually, thank you again for that reminder. I may be able to put a prototype to use soon. Ah, assuming you’re interested, Lucas? If you’re up for funding the creation of a mini reactor to power 23? He wouldn’t need to stop what he’s doing to go charge anymore, and there’d be no battery concerns if you need him to go out on a series of errands that end up taking longer than expected. Of course, there would need to be occasional maintenance. But, frankly, I’d be working on him often enough that it wouldn’t really be adding any additional work anyway, in a sense.” Initially, Miss Calculated deigns to acknowledge Ji Soo again, but before long, her attention turns over to Lucas.

When the discussion of a portable power source shifted from theoretical to something that may actually be applied to it, 23 rotates its head to look at Miss Calculated as she’s speaking, then rotating further to look at Lucas when she finishes her question.

Ji Soo gasps once again, but this time the sound is more like he’s holding his breath, rather than being surprised.

“I mean, I guess I should make a point of saying ‘as long as it’s not too expensive’, but yeah, sounds sweet. Oh, wait, what do you think though, 23? I mean, yer the one that’d be the most affected by it, yeah?” When Lucas answers, all four people in attendance, as well as a certain canine, all turn their attention over towards their friendly neighborhood service bot.

Before it has a chance to begin giving its answer, Miss Calculated holds a hand up in a ‘stop’ gesture.

“Wait, wait. Don’t bother answering yet, 23. Lucas, you’ll have to give it a precept one order to answer honestly first. Otherwise, it will be limited by what it estimates would make you happy, rather than its own actual desires.” When Miss Calculated says this, Lucas gets a confused expression, whereas there’s now a startled gasp through the phone.

“Wait, WHAT!?” While Ji Soo is on the precipice of discovering the glory of 23’s sapience, Miss Calculated shuts him up completely with a soft ‘shh’.

“Sheesh, just askin’ it directly isn’t enough? Uhh, yer gonna have to tell me about these rules sometime, I seriously don’t know anything about ‘em. Er, not right this second, obviously. Hmm… I uh, order? You? 23? To no longer worry about sayin’ what you think other people want you to say? Instead, say what you really want, or mean? Is that good enough? Oh, oh, as long as it is not an intentional lie. None of those. Ixnay on purposely lying, regardless of people’s feelings. Oh, unless I tell you to? Shit, this stuff is hard.” While Lucas meanders his way through creating an instruction set for 23, there are the sounds of rapid clicking through the phone. If one is familiar with the sound, it is the easily identified click-clack of a mechanical keyboard, with someone typing at what must be well over 100 WPM.

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Lucas total kills: 7

Lucas total deaths: 11

Lucas total assists: 1

Lucas current GDV: 14.81 (Recalculating)

Lucas's fame level: 4.50* (Beyond just local, viral meme tier. Local levels are extremely high.)

Lucas's hero suspicion level: 2.25* (More than just passing suspicion for some paranoid individuals, even more people are realizing he's an impulsive idiot.)

Jonathan total kills: 7 (+1)

Jonathan total deaths: 2

Jonathan current GDV: 5.56 (-.05 +.01 +.01 = -.03 net change)

Jonathan's fame level: 2.75* (Mostly just local.)

Jonathan's hero suspicion level: 3.0* (More than just overly-paranoid people are suspicious at this point.)

Willy's fame level: 1.5* (Anonymous meme fame, local fame primarily as 'Xenoclast's dog', but some strangers know him as William/Willy now.)

Supervillain social circle size: 14

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Little character theater:

Jonathan, kicking a bleeding corpse over onto a slowly bleeding out person in a mini temper tantrum: Are you freaking kidding me!?

Willy, standing up and hopping once as he excitedly agrees with Lucas’s improv orders: Bark!

Lucas, scrunching up his face in an exaggerated thinking expression: Do I like, gotta get really specific and shit? Is that enough? Fuck, I didn’t know there’d be a test!

427, quietly chuckling to himself before answering: [That should be sufficient for now.]

Author, unwrapping a cherry lozenge for themself: What? I love these things!

Mr. Quacks, balanced on top of one of Ji Soo’s four monitors and watching him animately typing up a blog post: Quack!