Chapter 49 - A Solitude Feeling

There was one thing Fabian certainly learned during a short time. That was the fact that he knew little about Evelyn. It took a divorce and losing Evelyn’s figure, and time to realize all that.

“Leave Serus alone. I have issued an order for him to escort the Duchess back to her own residence tomorrow.”

“Yes.”

Fabian was accompanied by one of the Black Hawk Knights who had temporarily replaced Serus. He was never left alone in the imperial palace. Even though he seemed alone, he was, in truth, still followed by people who were hidden in the shadows. And Fabian was used to such an environment from an early age. So sometimes, all that was taken for granted.

“Your Majesty, where are you going? This is a different direction from ours.” It was obvious that this substitute knight knew him less than Serus.

“I’m going to the Empress Palace. Guard the door, and don’t let anyone in.”

“Yes.”

Empress Hall was a beautiful building made of white marble. The golden roof shone beautifully every time the sun rose as if blessing the Empress. And the garden was full of nice scents, and clear water gushed out nonstop of the fountain.

“I see you, Your Majesty.”

The court officials who were maintaining the Empress’s palace bent their knees on the floor at once when he appeared. And no one dared to resist when Fabian ordered them to get everyone out.

“The owner has only been staying here for two years, so this place must be lonely.”

Fabian’s unkind words to himself rang out the Empress’ hall, where no one was present. It was a new building, designed by Fabian using the finest materials after his marriage to Evelyn had been decided.

But shortly after, the owner left this place. And everything Fabian could do at that time was to keep the appearance of this palace unchanged since that day.

“Everything is still the same ……, but it’s like a completely different space.”

The only thing that had changed was that one of the owners of this place had disappeared. The rest of them remained untouched, even all the servants were the same, even though their faces were gloomy.

Then, Fabian walked around the corridor and stepped into the Empress’s quarters. It was his first time since the day he found the ring.

“Did you hate this, too?”

There were many precious and beautiful treasures in the Empress’ quarters. On the day Evelyn left, she laid the thickest carpet on the floor and put down all the gifts she had received from Fabian. The last thing was her wedding ring.

“It seemed like you wanted to nullify the fact that you were married.”

Fabian wasn’t stupid. There was no way Evelyn didn’t know the meaning behind her actions.

“At that time, I didn’t want to accept it.”

Fabian didn’t want to believe that the sacred oath of marriage had broken in such a vain. After accepting it, he couldn’t easily admit that the short marriage between the two would vanish like ashes.

“Am I wrong?” It was the only word he could spit it out when he was alone.

“At that time, did I have to refuse? asked why, and persuade you?”

But he couldn’t do that, because Fabian saw a strong determination in Evelyn’s eyes that day as if he had seen himself. Her eyes tried to fulfill her dream without thinking about her life. So he didn’t have a choice but to let her go. But then he was sure that, even if Evelyn had left, she would return to him. And maybe she would also regret her departure.

“All the world’s words are wrong.” Fabian’s voice was so tired. Although he never complained about his work, the fatigue he felt at this time had weakened his body more than any political or demon war.

“Evelyn.”

His low voice sounded when he said that name. There was no longer a woman who looked back and answered him with a lovely face. Fabian was frustrated and injured himself, even though he knew very well.

Then he lay down on a long chair where Evelyn usually took a nap. There was a time when he took a deep sigh while looking at the veils layered on top of it.

“Eve…..”

Fabian reached out his hand into the air. All he wanted was a hand he could never lose. The smell of Evelyn’s body odor and perfume, which had remained faint at first, was now unrecognizable no matter how much he focused on it. And only the gentle scented candle that Evelyn always lit had the same fragrance as before.

“Is it only two years?”

The Imperial precepts were also strict even in weddings. It took more than a year for him to propose to Evelyn, hold an engagement ceremony, and get Evelyn to take the etiquette and bridal classes. And It took almost a season for the grand wedding ceremony to be held, and when they finally became a married couple, the two of them were very tired.

“You gave up all this in only two years and left, was I really the worst husband?”

Not all the moments were bad, however. Fabian still remembered her blushed face the day he spent his first night with Evelyn. Her sweet voice, long blonde hair that shone and flew in the wind, and her warm body temperature touching his shoulder with her small white hands were still vividly remembered.

“······You’re funny.” Fabian laughed, “You’ve been happy since you left me, and I’ve been unhappy since you left, and only me who doesn’t know why.”

Actually, he regretted it. He regretted deeply even though he knew how poisonous the feeling of regret was to the Emperor.

That day, an angry Fabian accepted Evelyn’s divorce declaration, and the next day, he immediately issued a decree for her to leave the imperial family. Just because of his pride as Emperor, instead of holding her back and asking why, he pushed her back with an edict instead.

“No matter how much I think and think about it, the more I think about it, the more I don’t know how miserable and painful it is as if a thread is twisted inside my head.”

A solitude feeling quickly devoured Fabian. He had just returned after he encountered Evelyn, and it was as if his entire world had changed. Once he fell in love, Fabian couldn’t go back to his old life that felt nothing. And every time night fell upon the sky, countless insomnia and loneliness came to eat him.

‘Your Majesty, I’m back.’

Sometimes, he used to dream like that.

‘I will never leave your side again.’

Lovely Evelyn said so, then embraced his neck. Fabian was trapped in his dreams, and he couldn’t say anything, just hugging Evelyn tightly. Never again, he wouldn’t let her go anywhere.

“If I had said that…..would you have forgiven me and come back?”

Probably not. Evelyn, whom he saw in the Felice Kingdom, looked very happy. Her bright smile, which Fabian had never seen before, was so beautifully shining.

“What is the reason for that?”

However, he tried, it would always flow to the same place in the end. Fabian was still attached to the reasons that Evelyn didn’t tell him. So, without being able to move forward, he could only paint traces of the past at the Empress’s residence, where time had stopped.

“If I get to know you more, can I know why?”

The Duchess’s advice came to his mind. Not long ago, Evelyn herself made a sarcastic comment that Fabian did not know anything about her. That made him really ashamed because it was true.

But, after he made up his mind to find out about Evelyn, he threw the paper into the fireplace again in a fit of anger.

“Is marriage this difficult?”

Fabian wasn’t afraid of war or politics. Even people’s thoughts couldn’t bother him. But it was Evelyn who had messed up with Fabian now.

“Evelyn Felice.”

Fabian, lying down in the place where she lay down and took a peaceful nap, looked sad. Even the sight of her, looking at her eyes here, seemed like a lie.

“Shining blond hair, blue eyes, small white hands,……. a sweet voice like singing, cheeks with a pink blush like those lips.”

He was trying to remember it one by one.

“The day when you cried secretly because you missed your hometown, I felt sorry for your eyes that were burning hot.”

She didn’t have to hide her tears.

“I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to sleep well, so I stayed by your side all night watching you….. I couldn’t wake up because I was sleepy, so I couldn’t see you in the morning.”

Fabian was fine even though his sleep time was interrupted for about one night. If Evelyn had told him she was scared because of a nightmare, he would have embraced her. That was the bond made by the vow of sacred marriage.

Fabian knew nothing about Evelyn. But it wasn’t a lie that Evelyn was definitely in his heart.

“Yeah, I may have known nothing about you. But at least you weren’t a cold-blooded person like me. You weren’t a ruthless, love-knowing, and…..cold enough to leave me.”

He was deeper in sorrow, and he didn’t know the reasoning for that. Evelyn’s departure was a nightmare he never imagined. Even then, Fabian thought it was a dream. The nightmare was not shaken, though, and it became a reality.

“I know you’re not such a woman.”

Fabian suddenly recalled the same words clearly, as if something had come to his mind.

“My wife isn’t that kind of woman.” Slowly but sure, Fabian turned his body.

“There must be some reason, though, for what made her do that.”

He thought there was no reason. Because she said it herself, it was painful to think twice, so Fabian just stopped thinking.

“There was a reason.” Fabian jumped up from the chair.

“I have to find out why…” Fabian found the most important piece, even though it was too late.

“Why Evelyn made it so easy to leave me. Somewhere, there’s definitely a reason.”

Fabian’s dark eyes were filled with strong wills again, “I must know why.”

The vows of marriage were shared between the two partners. So if there was a reason why Evelyn had left him, Fabian had to know. Only with that, he could escape from this misery. Even if Evelyn didn’t come back, it wouldn’t have been as painful as it was now if he could understand why.

Fabian was completely unaware, but now he just realized what he had to do as a husband. But he still didn’t know that everything was already late. Above all, Fabian still didn’t know the most important thing.

Fabian’s loneliness after her departure was nothing compared to what had been given to Evelyn’s previous life. Her past life, he didn’t know about.

Evelyn already had a prolonged nightmare of life with Fabian, and she managed to return to reality. That’s why Fabian was still so lonely. Just as Evelyn lived before her return.