Chapter 1862 - Grief (2)

Sarah opened her eyes and immediately recognized the master bedroom in the main villa of the Lebedev family.

She hoped that what happened in the last few days (or maybe weeks) was a bad dream, but her stinging eyes reminded her that she was crying and that they escaped the main base of the Voronin family and that Vasily is gone. He is gone. Vasily stayed behind so that they can escape. Who is she supposed to hate now?

Sarah pushed herself up on the bed to sit and two seconds later, Aiden entered her field of vision. She wondered if he was there from the beginning, but she didn't notice.

"How are you doing?", he asked with concern obvious in his voice.

They went through a lot and with everything going on, Aiden feared that Sarah will shut down mentally again.

When Sarah passed out from crying, panic consumed Aiden, and no matter how many times JoAnna told him that Sarah will be fine he was unable to calm down. For him, Sarah is not fine unless she is awake and smiling and this was the opposite of smiling.

Aiden knew that Sarah is conflicted and that she is blaming herself. After all, this whole mission that ended up in them being captured (and rescued) was her idea, but Aiden hopes that she knows how everyone involved acted out of their own free will. Vasily included.

He could feel her pain and he wished to take it away, but he didn't know how. He felt helpless and useless.

Sarah responded to Aiden's question with a shrug. How is she doing? She feels horrible, but if she says that, it will only make him feel worse.

She decided to switch the topic. "How much did I sleep?"

Aiden pressed his lips into a line. "About three hours."

Sarah didn't like that she lost three hours. She had so many things to do. "Where is Ivan?"

"In the basement."

Aiden saw that Sarah's mood is not good. She is angry and determined to deliver some punishments, but he had to try… "Love, you should freshen up and eat something."

"I will shower after I'm done with Ivan.", Sarah said and flexed her fingers before balling them into fists.

Aiden realized that if he lets Sarah out of the bedroom, who knows when the next time they will have privacy. Everyone wants to talk to Sarah, to hear how she is doing. JoAnna wants to do a checkup, Hong wants to discuss plans for the Voronins, Sarah wants to torture Ivan… it will take a while.

"Wait…" Aiden stopped her from getting off the bed.

"What?", Sarah asked impatiently. She was angry and she wanted to vent on Ivan, and Aiden delaying her was not helping.

"Vasily knew what he is doing. Don't blame yourself.", Aiden said with difficulty, knowing that this will affect her, but he needed her distracted so that she slows down whatever ride she was about to start.

Sarah looked at Aiden incredulously and listened without breathing.

"Vasily was aware that if he didn't stay back, Voronins would find explosives and remove them, or go after us right away because the trap door was exposed. In either case, we would be in trouble because we were running out of ammunition and there were too many of them. Vasily decided to buy us time by concealing the trapdoor and providing a distraction. He did it for all of us, don't take the weight of everything on your own. He would not want it this way. He wanted you to be happy and he hoped for your forgiveness."

"How do you know that?", Sarah asked with a shaky voice.

"Vasily told me. I stayed to close the door, remember? Vasily's last words were for you. He wanted you to know that he is sorry."

Sarah's chin trembled and she pressed her eyes shut firmly to stop the tears, but it didn't help.

"Why did he act like an Uncle at the end?", Sarah asked through her sobs. "Since I arrived here he is hovering around me, being patient, nice, and helpful… acting like we are close… and he didn't mind when I lashed at him. He even made me a birthday cake, and it was delicious. Why wasn't he mean and spiteful so that I can hate him until the end and not be bothered that he is gone? Why did he die so that I can live?"

Aiden wiped the tears from her cheeks with his palms before pulling her into his embrace.

Aiden held Sarah as she sobbed and he occasionally kissed her forehead, letting her cry it out, unsure if she will ever run out of tears. He was glad that she is releasing her emotions and not bottling them up as she did before. And his heart warmed at the fact that she didn't push him away because he wanted to share her everything, grief included.

Aiden's heart ached with her every sob, but he chanted internally that she needs it and his role in this is to let her know that she has his support, he is her rock.

It's better to cry than to blow into a rage that will make her self-destruct.

After an unknown measure of time, Sarah's sobs turned quiet.

"He also gave me something…", Aiden said, unsure if this is the right time to bring it up but then… when is the right time?

Sarah looked up at Aiden. "What?"

"A USB memory stick."

"What's on it?"

"I don't know. I was waiting for us to check it together... If you allow me to see it with you."

Sarah felt her heart skip a beat. What could be on it? What if it's the information about her losing the baby three years ago? That is the only thing she wanted to keep from Aiden because it will make him angry and they can't do anything about it, anyway. She realized that at this point, it does not matter. Vasily is dead and they have a baby on the way. In the worst case, Aiden will be angry at her for not telling him, but she is already so miserable that she will not notice if more anger is directed her way.

Sarah was anxious and curious about the contents of that memory stick, and somehow it lifted part of the heaviness that Vasily's death left behind.

"Get the laptop.", Sarah urged Aiden.

Aiden thought of trying his luck. "How about we eat while we check the contents? Lunchtime passed and I didn't eat. I was waiting for you."

"Can you bring the food here?"

Aiden's face lit up. "It can be here in ten minutes. You can freshen up until then."

Sarah realized that Aiden is manipulating her into eating and showering that he originally suggested, but she will fall for it. Ivan can wait, and Vasily… he won't mind if there is a delay. 

Sarah exhaled helplessly and looked at the eyes of her husband that are gazing at her with anticipation. He is the only person she does not want to worry, yet he is always worried about her.

She could use a hot shower. The one without cameras and microphones around. It will be just her. Literally.

"OK. I will shower. Please bring something tasty for me and our child.", Sarah said and returned Aiden's smile.

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