Chapter 8.5

It looked as though the man had just barely fallen asleep after having all of the blood wiped from his body. The two doctors greeted me, standing up straight.

“Continue.”

I had just entered, trying to be as quiet as possible so that they wouldn’t get distracted. I had to leave my palace tonight, so I didn’t have much time. Yet I had no choice but to come. I sat down next to him on the bed.

I reached for his pale, damp cheek before switching directions and placing my hand on his forehead. It was hot.

You worked so hard for my sake, but how will you feel when you open your eyes and I’m not here?

I stayed by his side for a long time after that. The doctors were busy, the man next to me was quiet, and I was filled with thoughts of him.

How did this happen? Had Robia known?

I had been so certain that there would be no trust between us. I didn’t love him, and I was sure that wouldn’t change. But when I thought that Robia was going to die in front of me, I felt the floor disappear from under my feet.

Standing in front of someone who was ready to die for me – for honor – my legs shook. My hands shook.

Was it alright to embrace him? Was it okay to like someone who was so miserable, with numerous scars and a painful past?

One person at a time, one partner for one lifetime. In this world where that wasn’t the natural order, could I be changing too?

But there was only so much room in a person’s heart. And the amount of time and effort that a person could invest into a relationship wasn’t infinite. I would just become infinitely sorry.

Honestly, I was afraid of hurting them.

Where did Robia’s faith come from, and how could he risk his life?

“Your Highness.”

At that moment, the door opened and a maid approached me.

“His Majesty has made his way to the tower and is waiting for Your Highness.”

“For me?”

It seemed that it was finally time to go. I had wanted to be here when he opened his eyes, but not everything could happen the way I wanted.

“Alright, I should get up.”

I started peeling myself away from the bed when I felt a tug on my sleeve. It was so unexpected that I looked down in surprise. Robia was gazing at me with unfocused eyes.

His brows furrowed like they did whenever he was focusing. His hand, still feverishly hot, twitched as it moved to my wrist. Only then did his expression relax.

I clasped Robia’s hand and sat back down next to him.

“Are you okay?”

“…What happened?”

“Everything was resolved, thanks to you.”

“…”

He tried to gauge whether I was telling the truth. But he seemed to be having trouble because his eyelids kept drooping from exhaustion.

“Sleep some more.”

I traced the line of his cheek with my eyes. His face had gotten thinner overnight.

“How were things resolved?”

“You don’t believe it when I’m right next to you?”

The doctors began examining his body. Robia grimaced now and then like he was finally feeling pain.

“Will I be okay?”

“You sure are asking that early.”

Incredulously, I gave him a sidelong glare. Then, Robia laughed with one corner of his mouth lifted.

“I must be okay since you are getting angry.”

I ended up letting out a chuckle at his words.

“You’re not in immediate danger. You’ll be fine as long as you get plenty of rest.”

His sweat-drenched hair was poking his eyes, so I tucked it behind his ear for him. That revealed the cold sweat on his brow, which I began wiping away with the back of my hand. Robia blinked his eyes in confusion. Then, he asked in a suspicious voice,

“…Why are you being like this?”

“Robia.”

His face darkened when he heard his name. Perhaps it was because he had only ever heard bad things whenever I called his name.

“I am sick. If you do not say anything then-.”

“You didn’t have to go that far.”

“I wanted to, it is as simple as that. For Your Highness’s sake.”

“So you’re saying you’re prepared to do it again?”

“Yes.”

I let out a sigh. He challenged me with his eyes. Even though his voice had no strength behind it.

“You’re a stubborn one, you know that? But you still can’t. I need you to promise me that you won’t worry me like that next time.”

“You… were worried about me?”

“So, do you promise?”

“Did you worry about me?”

If we went on like this, we would never get to the point. And it couldn’t be a good idea to make Robia talk for long since he had just barely regained consciousness.

I cleared my throat.

“Are you saying that you’ll continue to be reckless even though you don’t belong to yourself anymore?”

“Pardon?”

“…”

Now that I thought about it, I had been too shy to say it out loud. Robia stared at me with questioning eyes.

“…You asked me to have you.”

His jaw dropped. Embarrassed, I focused my eyes on the edge of his pillow. My palms were sweaty.

“You said that you aren’t afraid of me.”

“…”

“So… Huh, why…why are you crying?”

Robia closed his mouth tightly as tears wetted his pillow. He didn’t make a sound.

“I’m sorry, so stop crying.”

I did my best to wipe away his tears with my fingertips. When that didn’t work, I got over my slight sense of embarrassment and accepted a tissue that one of the doctors quietly offered to me. I used the tissue to wipe Robia’s eyes.

“Will there be any complications if he cries too much?”

Standing at a distance, the doctors nodded their heads.

I sighed and put my arms around Robia’s nape. I patted his shoulders soothingly. Right away, Robia sat up to return my hug. For a second, it was chaos.

Robia ended up being laid back onto the bed by the doctors. There were tear stains on his cheeks, and the dissatisfied look on his face was a sight to see.

His expression only became content once the doctors brought him something to prop his back against so he could look me in the eye.

He wasn’t even trying to hide the excitement in his eyes.

I sat on the edge of the bed and carefully hugged him. I rested my chin on his shoulder and was sad to smell the metallic scent of blood instead of the usual ink and paper.

There was a bitter taste on my tongue as I said,

“You might already know this, but I can’t have you alone.”

“Yes, I know.”

Out of all the answers I had heard today, it was the fastest and easiest.

“But you can only have me. Are you okay with that?”

“Yes!”

He hugged me tightly. He leaned his cheek against my ear and nodded his head again and again.

“…You might be okay with it now, but you could change your mind later.”

“Do you think I am stupid? I already thought of that a long time ago. And this is the conclusion I reached.”

“I won’t ask twice.”

“You don’t need to.”

We let go and looked at each other. Robia smiled at me with an obviously sickly complexion. Then, he sneakily lowered his head and brought his nose close to mine. I promptly pushed his head back down onto the bed.

The man who had been on the verge of death only moments before was making an expression of utmost disappointment. And it was all because he couldn’t get a kiss.

“…Why?”

I pointed at the doctors and said gravely,

“The patient needs rest.”

“I leave it to you.”

“Understood.”

The doctor gave me a deep bow of the head. If only it were possible, I wanted to be the one bowing. I clasped the doctor’s hands.

“You absolutely cannot allow him to know before he is completely healed. I do not know what he will do. And there is no one who is in a position to stop him.”

“I will warn all of the servants who frequent the room. Please do not worry.”

“I leave it to you.”

“Please return safely.”

It wasn’t until I saw the doctor’s wrinkled face that I laughed a little. This is what it meant to be the princess. It meant that people I barely knew would follow me and worry about me, as dependable as the rising sun.

That wouldn’t change, even if it wasn’t me but that damned princess instead. So while I was glad and thankful for the unexpected concern, I couldn’t help the bitter taste in my mouth.

***

“What are you doing here, Your Majesty?”

A servant was holding out a lantern, and the emperor was standing in the dark tower.

“…Ria.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“What was your reason for asking me to give you a punishment?”

“And what is your reason for asking a question you already know the answer to?”

I had done it in order to wash myself of the princess’s sins. And it couldn’t have been hard to infer that, at the same time, I wanted to make sure no one would be able to find fault with me when I returned.

That’s why he was worried. About the future.

“…Leave Yuriel alone.”

It was a shame that nothing had changed.

“Did you come all the way here to tell me that?”

“Of course I came to see you! But-“

“I was wondering why you didn’t run to her first. Was this the reason?”

“How dare you speak to me like that?”

Seeing the shock spread across his face, I said,

“Did you not fall for her knowing that she was your half-sister? I was curious as to why you did not take her as your concubine. It is not as if you were lacking in interest.”

“Princess!”

“Do not yell. Did you think I would shut my mouth because of that?”

“…Back away, all of you.”

The servants took several steps back from us.

“Decide, brother. Is she your lover or your flesh-and-blood?”

“There is no need to make such a decision.”

When he didn’t deny that they were lovers, I felt a throbbing in my head. But the emperor’s face showed he was in turmoil.

“Do you still believe you can have both? She will not stop. And she will not be satisfied. Do you still not know? Do you really believe that she approached me, approached Your Majesty, innocently?”

“… I already turned my back on her several times during these long years. Now that it has come to this, I will make certain that she is able to enjoy life to the fullest without wanting for anything.”

“Do whatever you want. I will do the same.”

I passed the emperor and walked to the tower. The emperor shouted from behind me,

“I will reason with her!”

With whom? Yuriel?

“She is that way because she is still young and ignorant! She has grown up without all of the pleasures she should have had, so it only makes sense that she feels resentful. But I can make her see reason!”

“…”

“I do not want either of you to be hurt.”

“Are you crazy?”

I yelled with my back still to him. There was silence, after which the emperor spoke unguardedly, his voice shaky.

“We will not be able to see one another for a while… Do you truly want to part on bad terms like this?”

A thought crossed my mind. It might not have been a complete lie when he said he had come to see me, his little sister.

I turned around slowly. The emperor checked my face before cracking something like a smile. I let out a sigh and stared up at the ceiling.

When I lowered my gaze again, I must have been smiling at least a little.

“Just make sure not to die while I am gone, Your Majesty.”

“That is a nice way to speak to your brother.”

The emperor waved, then folded his hands behind his back. I followed the servants’ lead as they carried my luggage into the tower. I felt the emperor silently staring after me up until the moment I disappeared into the shadows.

However, he would be faced with a choice sooner or later.

I strode forward into the darkness.

It was an old building, but it was still part of the palace so there was little chance of being neglected. Antique arches and a spotless staircase spiraled upward along the wall.

I stepped onto the staircase with the luggage-carrying servants ahead of me. With each step, the lantern swayed. We forged through the darkness.

Seeing that, it began to feel real, little by little. I was really going to be confined here.

The moon was partially obscured by the window frame and illuminated the ground at my feet now and then.

“You can enter through here.”

Three soldiers whose faces were covered by their helmets were guarding the entrance.

While the servants were organizing my luggage, I relied on the lamplight to cut through the middle of the room. When I opened the center door, I was faced with the dark and quiet bedroom. The thick, patterned carpet felt good under my feet.

I sat on the bed. The servants bade me farewell, then withdrew. The door shut, and I was suddenly enveloped by quiet.

Now I was really all alone.

Surprisingly, the thought didn’t bother me. At least I would be able to sleep in tomorrow, and I wouldn’t have a headache from caring about what others thought of me.

It had been an unusually difficult day. I reached out and patted the empty spot on the bed next to me. Then before I knew it, my vision went dark.