Chapter 432 – Fan Mail

Ai Mi who was still dizzy from hitting the wall, stared blankly at me and Xiao Qin. But she didn’t forget to keep the chips close to her.

On the other side, the class leader stood up with the cardboard over her head and revealed a pair of white legs.

The reason why the class leader was under the box was because she was the one who set off the trap, not the cat.

After the cat jumped on the squid and was to gorge on it, the cat didn’t realize it had become bait. When the class leader saw the cat had stopped, she plunged herself with joy at the cat and held it in her embrace. Thus she accidentally set off the trap and was the second prey caught by Xiao Qin.

Xiao Qin whispered to me: “Everyone turns stupid in front of things they like. I only seem dumb because I like Ye Lin classmate.”

Her words did seem reasonable. I felt Xiao Qin was much more bright than usual when I saw her walking with Qing Zi Academy’s principal (also her uncle).

The class leader, who didn’t want to let go of the cat, couldn’t remove the box by herself.

Thus she could only turn to face me based on the direction of our voices. Of course, I could tell which way she was facing based on her feet.

The class leader’s voice was a bit smothered by the cardboard box.

“I have to put the kitty back in the bushes behind the school. It’s not safe at school.”

“When will China pass a law to prohibit animal abuse…”

I wanted to laugh when the class leader brought up a serious topic while she was covered by a cardboard box.

Hurry and take off the box! You’re losing your dignity as the class leader!

Xiao Qin had a look of regret as I helped the class leader remove the box, because she couldn’t make a joke out of her anymore.

“If only someone could adopt it…” The class leader gently caressed the little tabby cat’s back. Then, she saw Ai Mi who was eating chips 5 feet away from her.

“Huh, isn’t that Ye Lin’s cousin, why’s she at our school?”

When the class leader saw Ai Mi’s full head of blonde hair, she suddenly had a look of anticipation like she wanted to feel it, but she was also worried the kitten in his arms will take advantage of the opportunity to escape, so she hesitated.

Ai Mi had already calmed down at this point. She fixed her position and slightly took a step back away from the class leader.

“Hmph, that cat should have been caught by me, but I didn’t expect to have to chase it all the way to this inferior school. So it turns out everyone, including the manservant, are students at this inferior school.”

She put on an act and made it seem like she was better, but her words revealed she got lost chasing the cat and came to our school. Besides, someone who fell for a trap because of a bag of chips has no right to call our school inferior.

“I’ll bring my manservant to America in the future, so he can continue to serve me. You guys can stay behind in this barbaric and undeveloped country, maybe you might even get eaten at some point…. what a terrible country…”

“Eaten?” I raised one of my eyebrows, “Where did you hear that fake news? We haven’t eaten anybody in a long time.”

“It’s not from the news, I witnessed it personally.”

“You personally witnessed someone being eaten?”

“I… personally witnessed the menu.” Ai Mi said with a lack of confidence, “But it’s the same thing. I saw dishes like ‘Bao Zai Guo (Broiled Kid Pot)’, ‘Fu Qi Fei Pian (Husband and Wife Lung Slices)’, and ‘Lao Po Bin (Wife Cakes)’. Doesn’t the Zai in Bao Zai Guo mean kid? Chinese people are so barbaric, how can they eat someone else’s child?”

Don’t interpret the words literally! There’s even a Chinese dish called ‘Xi Shi Ru (Xi Shi’s Milk)’, but the ingredients have nothing to do with Xi Shi, it uses blowfish Yu Bai. Any person with some intellect would understand it’s only a figure of speech. Otherwise, how many breasts did Xi Shi have in order for people to eat her dish for thousands of years?

And blowfish Yu Bai refers to the testicles of a male blowfish. I don’t want to eat something that a female blowfish doesn’t even eat.

The class leader was originally happy to chat with Ai Mi and then try and touch her golden hair, but as the bell was about to ring, her main goal was to put the tabby cat back to the bushes. She reluctantly said farewell to Ai Mi and headed towards the hole in the chain link fence.

“Class leader, I’ll go with you.” Xiao Qin followed along, then she turned around and winked at me, which meant: “I’m giving you some time alone with your sister, I’m pretty understanding, right?”

“Why are you here?”

I asked as I brought Ai Mi to an area with heavy shade.

Ai Mi pushed up her sunglasses that kept slipping off and asked in response: “I was only passing by. Do you think I came here just to visit you?”

“You don’t need to film today?”

Ai Mi joyfully made an exaggerated gesture, “Since it’s so dry and hot, the prop fireworks exploded. I’m so lucky, I can actually take a rest day.”

Based on Ai Mi’s expression it seems Ai Mi wanted to burn down the entire city kind of like how students want to burn down their school.

“I heard you threw a lot of letters into the teacher’s complaint box. Who were you complaining against?”

“Oh those.” Ai Mi responded while eating chips, “Those weren’t complaints, it was fan mail I received from American fans. I didn’t have anywhere to put them, so I randomly tossed them into the mailbox in front of your school. I didn’t even notice it was a complaint box.”

Since it’s from America, then it must be all written in English. Would the vice-principal be shocked when he receives those English letters? The teacher in charge of class 2-3, Teacher Yu, teaches in English, so he can be useful and translate all those letters for the vice-principal.

“Ai Mi, if your fans sent letters across the Pacific, shouldn’t you at least read it…”

Ai Mi glared at me as if to say ‘you don’t understand anything’.

“Do you think there’s anything good in there? The most normal ones I’ve received are love letters saying they would marry me once I turn 16. I’ve even received a letter from a polygamist Mormon asking me to be his seventh wife… I just want to bomb the entire world when I read those letters.”

“Wait, you said the most normal ones are loves letters, then what about the abnormal ones?”

“There was one person who recommended himself to be my private doctor and he bragged about his medical skills. It turns out he added anthrax powder in the letter to try and make me sick right away.”

Shit, wouldn’t that be considered terrorism. Did he get punished by the law?

“Calling the police would be going easy on him. I talked about the incident on Facebook and included pictures of the letter with the anthrax powder. Then I ‘accidentally’ revealed his return address in that picture to my other fans…”

“That same night, he got surrounded by twenty something fat otakus with baseball bats as he left Kmart. He got a good beating and had to go see a doctor. Those fat otakus later said that was the biggest workout they did for that entire year.”

Ai Mi laughed as she spoke. She’s only this happy when she uses her fans to attack other fans.

“There’s also a lot of fan mail that have strange or disgusting things inside. For example a pile of yellow fingernails like it’s some sort of witchcraft to make me fall in love with him; there was also a Thai chef who sent me a bunch of letters where the paper was all sticky and smelled disgusting. It was clearly the stuff he rubbed out.”

Those fans are super disgusting, I can’t stand it anymore. Can anyone sponsor me with an ak-47 so I can just spray them to death! My sister isn’t even an adult yet, but you guys exposed her to harmful elements, what if that affects her growth negatively?

But is it fine to stuff the letters that may contain anthrax or semen into the teachers complaint box?

“Oh right, if you already came to school, why didn’t you go buy some chips? There are students with bottled water everywhere, so you could have asked them for directions.”

“I lost my wallet when I got away from 004 and 005. Besides, I just found out that you guys eat people. I don’t want to be caught by the students and eaten, so I hid in the shadows and waited for you to meet me, but you came so late.”

I don’t have any classmates who would eat people! Why do you try to sound impressive when you got lost and was waiting for someone to help you?