Chapter 72 - . I REGRET HAVING RETURNED

“Emperor Majesty.”

“You do not have to say your greetings. It is a long distance.”

Patrizia said it like that, but Petronilla chose to bow her head as she didn’t want her sister to be negatively affected in any way. Patrizia did not like her sister’s behavior, but she did not stop it either. Instead, she chose to just stare at the Emperor with an aloof face.

It was Petronilla who’s heart was hurt in the process. She hesitated, looking at her sister for some kind of notice, and Patrizia soon set off without a word. Petronilla felt disturbed when she saw the Emperor staring at her sister with eyes that were hard to discern.

“Why look with such eyes?”

“Huh?”

“The Emperor.”

Petronilla muttered with a voice saying she didn’t like it.

“He is the one that did something wrong too.”

“… This is true. A shameless and incongruent person he is.”

Patrizia did not try to deny it and continued to walk onward. She now had no feelings whatsoever for Lucio. Rather, she was more calm now than when she first entered the palace.

This was because she had already been hurt so much, that she no longer felt the need to pour her feelings into it anymore. Honestly speaking, Petronilla felt the results were unfortunate, but this was something she dared not to interfere with. Petronilla just walked behind her sister’s strides.

However, her leisure did not last long. As always, the Empress’ position dictated an overflowing of work. Patrizia purely frowned, after a long absence of not having done so.

“A birthday celebration you say.”

“… I am sorry.”

“No. It is not something that you need to apologize for.”

Patrizia sighed. It was the Emperor’s birthday. So, of course, his birthday party had to be prepared by Empress Patrizia. However, Patrizia honestly really didn’t want to. She even felt the desire to give Rosemond this job. But that would be truly ridiculous, and Patrizia eventually had to nod her head in agreement.

“Take care of this issue as much as possible on your end. I am only going to be making the payment, so just send over the final draft to me.”

“But Your Majesty, this…”

“I need some rest, Mirya. Not only that…”

Patrizia smiled and said to her.

“If I cannot even have trust in you, who would I have that I can believe in this wide Empress Palace?”

“…”

“Patrizia, you have me.”

At the words of Rafaella’s thoughtless interruption, Patrizia finally burst into laughter.

“Ahaha, yes, indeed. I am sorry, Ella. Are you upset?”

“It is a joke, of course. Well, there is one thing you have to do completely on your own.”

“What is it?”

“It is nothing special. The flowers.”

“What do you mean, the flowers?”

“The flowers for the birthday celebration. It is quite meaningful, so it would be hard to dictate that work to others.”

“Birthday flowers. Ah, right.”

Patrizia murmured as if she had forgotten. In the Marvinus Empire, it was known that on a person’s birthday, the parent presented flowers to that person in the case of being unmarried, and if that person was married, the significant other bestowed the flowers that represented the giver’s heart. So, in the case of those that were not married, it was common to receive flowers that were related to the love from parents, and for those that were married, flowers that promised eternal love were presented as standard.

Patrizia wanted to present flowers that were filled with curses from her heart, but unfortunately, the flowers were too nice and pure, unlike her, that she did not want to embrace such evil with those flowers. Patrizia contemplated it.

“Tion…”

“Huh?”

“Carnation. I will go with that.”

“Hmm, well that is surprising?”

“Why?”

“Is that not a flower that many people usually present between parents and their children?”

“… Right.”

Patrizia thought for a moment, and then slowly opened her mouth.

“Red, pink, and purple ones…”

These carnation flowers symbolized meanings that were all amazing and beautiful. ‘I love you.’ ‘Wish for your health.’ ‘I love you passionately.’

But Lucio, her Emperor. The flower she wanted to present to him was with the color of the last flower.

“And prepare it by mixing in yellow ones.”

‘I despise you.’ How could she not despise him when he turned the little hope and compassion that remained in her heart into hate?

“That is my heart.”

‘With my contempt for you, I will present to you the yellow carnation. You are not a stupid person, so you should know. How I am thinking of you. How much I am despising you. Do not feel reproachful towards this bad woman who curses you even on your most blessed birthday, Lucio.”

“His Majesty should know as well.”

It was him that made her this way.

“That women cannot even have children.”

Someone wagged their finger at Patrizia.

“To be an Empress when she is infertile!”

“The Imperial line of the Marvinus Empire will be cut off!”

“She is a woman who will swallow the seed of the Empire!”

Someone with a black face constantly mocked her. Patrizia shook her head with a distorted look while she was surrounded by the people.

“No… That is not my fault…”

But immediately the rebuttal returned to her.

“What do you mean! Even if your sister, and not you, had become the Empress, the succession of the throne could continue without interruption!”

“Are you insane, breaking the line of Marvinus with your own hands?”

“No… No!”

“It’s no use to deny anything. Impudent thing, how dare you try to see the successor in the body of a concubine!”

Anyways, their claim was absurd because the current Emperor was not a direct heir himself. If they blamed that part, they would also have to do so with Empress Alyssa, who had already been dethroned and died. Regrettably, however, Patrizia was not in a calm state to think about it now.

“No!”

“Your Majesty!”

It was then that someone shook her to wake her up. In the deep night, Mirya’s face was obscured by the darkness, and looked bluish. Patrizia shed tears without her knowledge.

“Ah ugh…”

“Your Majesty, did you have a nightmare again?”

“No, no…”

Patrizia barely managed to shake her head. She wiped away her tears and stood up from her bed. Then she suddenly started to run outside of the Empress Palace. Surprised, Mirya tried to call out to Patrizia and stop her, but it was to no avail. She started to run.

‘Darn, darn, darn!’ Patrizia constantly muttered to herself, started to run, and continued to run. She felt like crap.

‘Feel like shit, like shit, like shit! In the first place, the Imperial lineage had been cut off from the previous Emperor. To blame someone, Alyssa should be blamed, and not myself. She was also infertile after all!’

“Ouch!”

Then she screamed as she fell. Her foot had gotten caught on a protruding stone, and she fell. She felt a warm sensation around the area of her food, and sharp pain penetrated the lower part of her body. She sobbed with her hand pushing away from the floor.

“Ahhh…”

It was miserable. It was terrible. Could she be so miserable? Patrizia felt the tears that had just stopped earlier, flowing again. Her tears wet her cheeks and flowed down her chin. She kept crying without even thinking about the fact that she had to stand up again.

“… Patrizia?”

At that time, someone called out her name. It was a lovely and generous name, but Patrizia never felt more contempt for her name than in that very moment.

“Are you alright? Are you hurt somewhere?”

Lucio bent down on his knees, and looked over her condition. It was clearly not good with just a glance, as he could see blood flowing from the feet. He scolded her in an angry voice.

“What are you doing barefoot like this during the night?”

“I…”

Patrizia gave a different voice instead of the answer.

“Do you know how much I despise you?”

“…”

“I hate you, Lucio. The little bit of sympathy and sincerity that I had for you that you had undermined… I cannot forgive you.”

“…”

‘I regret having returned. Instead, I would rather just end it here. I should have ended my bad luck with you, and then just died. Patrizia murmured these words internally, and then everything turned black, as she completely lost her consciousness.

Lucio screamed in a shocked voice, hugging her fainted body.

“Empress? Empress!”

“…”

“Damn.”

It was already late. It seemed she had already lost her consciousness. He called out to someone in the open air. Soon, three or four knights in silver armor appeared in front of him. He spoke to them in an urgent voice.

“Call the court physician and take the Empress to the Empress Palace.”

However, Lucio immediately changed his orders.

“No, I will take her directly to the Central Palace.”

Actually, she had never regretted returning to relive this life. This life had been a gift for her. It was a life that had been given once again, along with the opportunity to reverse the tragedy she had faced previous. Opportunities to receive these kinds of gifts were rare.

“…”

With this life given again, she was once again able to be with her beloved family, and her sister would no longer have her head cut off by a guillotine, and if she was careful, her family would continue to thrive for a long time. Although her personal happiness had to be given up, she had considered this as a not so bad outcome.

Then, she encountered the man who was her brother-in-law in her former life, and her husband in this present life. She had learned about the man’s trauma, how the man’s mistress had a hand in killing her sister, and how she had even gained the man’s heart. She had sympathized with the man, and even the mistress, she had felt some compassion for. At the time, she didn’t know it was such a foolish thing to do.

It wasn’t until she realized that the two of them had played with her before she had even entered the Empress Palace, that the bit of sympathy and sincerity she possessed was broken. She showed her genuine self to the man, but it was only deception and betrayal that returned for her being genuine. She had received deep wounds full of hurt. She had no choice but to receive it. There was no one that would not be deeply shocked, if the heart that had been carefully revealed was broken in such a way.

So in actuality, they had played with her in the first place. If they had not deceived her in that kind of way, the Empress would have been another woman. If so, Patrizia herself could have been happy with other men, and even if she couldn’t get married because of her being infertile, she could have spent a happy life with her family.

But as she became the Empress, there was nothing that was left for her. She was to forever live being mocked and despised just because she couldn’t give birth to a child. Perhaps she was even going to follow the footsteps of that terrible dethroned Alyssa.

It was not a leap to think in such a manner. Alyssa had been a naive and good woman at the beginning. The palace was a place that had the excellent ability to turn even the goodness in such a person into that of evil. She vowed to kill herself off if that ever happened.

And now, her mind was desolate. Similar to the time when she had witnessed her sister’s death. Just like how her heart had felt right before she had died.

So in essence, basically nothing had actually changed. Only groaning within repeated pain along with recurrent sadness.

That was why she would rather have just died together with her family back then. She should have just put a finish to it completely, and not restarted it all. She resented God who had brought her back like this. This was a punishment, not a gift. She thought about all of this in desolate sadness.