Chapter 103

So this was a common psychotic episode.

Attaching the adjective “common” to the psychotic episode, meant that he already thought he was a mental patient. Of course, the cause of the psychosis was not due to himself. No, maybe it was because of himself.

When did these episodes first begin? If calculated roughly… Ah right. A month after that “event?” No, around two months? It was after around that much time had passed. His brain had also needed some time to take in the shock. And he would have needed some time to create a sort of defense when reliving through that cruelty.

It was only then that he realized that the saying that God gave humans only as much suffering as they could endure, was true. God gave him just enough suffering for him to endure. If there was a problem, it was the fact that the agony was just up to exactly the point of death. In any case, God was only giving him up to the amount of suffering that he could endure. How clever.

When an episode began, no one could hold him back. Ah, just one person? No, there were two people, but the problem was, both of them were already dead. So now only those two ghosts could calm him down. The problem was that both of them appeared only in his dreams, and made him go crazy.

Most of the time he would come to his senses after dawn. Psychotic episodes were similar to drugs. When in the midst of it, there was no telling what one could do, but once awoken, there was a great sense of guilt and shame. Especially in his case, those destructive feelings were even worse. In the first place, his episodes were not just caused by psychosis.

Even on that day, when he woke up from his psychotic episode, he realized that the sun was already dawning outside the window and that he had a second seizure in the Empress Palace. And what makes him even more embarrassed was the presence of the Empress sleeping next to him. He looked almost astonished. He urgently called for the maid.

“Have you called, Your Majesty.”

“Why is the Empress here?”

“…”

The maid could not answer. While the maid was hesitating, Lucio urged her on. Eventually, she could not win against him, and the maid barely managed to open her mouth, telling him all that had happened. As soon as Lucio heard the words, he felt an enormous sense of shame that he had never felt before wash over him.

Damn. He had shown her a sight that he thought he would never show her for eternity.

“She has ordered for all of the maids in the Empress Palace to be silenced, Your Majesty. Of course, as well as the guards for the Empress. So please do not worry about that part… ”

“The Empress has already seen it, so what is the point?”

His voice that was asking this was not all that cold. A tremendous sense of dismay, helplessness, and feelings of self-deprecation. Maybe even deprivation. So that was a deprivation of his last pride.

So it had ended up with him revealing this about himself. He burst out with empty laughter. Pathetic, ugly, and disgusting.

“The Empress… take her to her quarter. And prevent the people around her from bringing up what happened today.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. I will do that.”

“Haaa…”

He let out a long sigh. It wasn’t enough that he had visited the Empress Palace, but to even be caught by the Empress. What to do about the following aftermath.

Once again he let out a deep sigh and stood up unsteadily. The maid standing next to the door quickly supported him, but he moved his hand as if to show he didn’t need it.

“I will return to the Central Palace right away. Take care of everything like you always did. Like nothing happened.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Don’t worry.”

The maid who replied faithfully soon withdrew. Lucio walked all the way to the door and tried to leave the room without looking back. But in the end, he turned around and looked around the room once again. His face, once again looking forward, was extremely distorted.

“Ah…”

Patrizia, let out a weak moan, and at that moment opened her eyes. Patrizia, staring at the air with dazed eyes for a moment, but soon focused her eyes and turned her head to the side. It was a face that looked a bit exhausted.

“…”

The silence did not last long. She slowly turned her head back to face forward, and then rose from the bed. Nobody was around. It was morning, as she could see the weak sunlight that was coming into the room. Patrizia, who hadn’t said anything for a while, soon slowly opened her mouth and called out to Mirya.

“Mirya.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

She quickly entered the room. Patrizia felt strange for a moment when she saw the orderly expression that was the same as usual. It was even strange to even express that this general situation felt that way, but anyways, it was strange. Patrizia called to her once again in a slightly weird voice.

“Mirya.”

“Yes. Please speak. Perhaps there is something you need…”

“Is it not strange?”

“… yes? What do you mean…”

“Strange.”

Patrizia spoke with a monotone and lowered her head briefly before lifting it up again. For some reason, Mirya looked at her with a tense look. Patrizia was convinced by the look. Ah, she knew about yesterday’s events. It wasn’t a dream. She opened her mouth again and talked to her.

“Mirya.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“I, as well as you, are a little weird today.”

“…”

“Yesterday everything would have been weird. Right?”

“Your Majesty…”

“I fell asleep as if I had been knocked out, yesterday. It was a deep night, and I was very tired.”

Patrizia spoke quietly while she observed Mirya. She had fallen into a deep sleep, but Mirya should not have. She had told her to wait, and the faithful two would have done so. But if time has passed since then, the story was different from then on.

“What happened after I fell asleep?”

“…”