Chapter 204 - Chapter 102 (2) - Why Do You Keep Confusing Me?

“… Why do you keep confusing me?” Patrizia asked quietly. She was wearing Lucio’s cloak as she looked up at him while being held in his arms.

He could detect his scent on her due to the cloak she was wearing. The hatred he had for himself had somehow transformed into something worth asking forgiveness for when he was able to come together with her. He opened his mouth with great difficulty, holding the hem of the cloak she wore in his grasp. “I…”

“I do not know. I thought I held some discretion, but I guess I am not as sensible as I thought I was.” Her voice appeared to be calm, but seemed to be slightly shaky in a peculiar way. It almost seemed like she was crying or something.

“Do not act like this in front of me, please.”

“…”

“The blockhead that I am will become confused by the feelings of love and sympathy that I have for Your Majesty.”

When he heard her words, he was foolishly delighted. “You to… me…”

“…I will ask you one question, Your Majesty,” she continued, asking in a sad voice, “Why is it so difficult for you to deal with it?”

“…”

“Why do you so endlessly… why are you punishing yourself, is what my words mean.”

“Because I am someone who should be doing that.”

“But it was not something that happened of Your Majesty’s own volition.” As she said that, tears welled up in Patrizia’s eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

He stared at her without being able to think of wiping away the tears.

Patrizia sobbed a little as she said, “It was the acts of the dethroned Empress. I am not sure if Your Majesty is completely blameless and free of any fault, but nevertheless…”

Patrizia shed another tear as she said, “It is not a sin or crime for Your Majesty to have had no choice but to be subjected to abuse.”

“…Ungh.” He moaned as he scratched the floor with his nails.

In her eyes, he seemed to be trying to stop himself from crying. A pitiful person. She cried as she continued with her words, “Your Majesty is on the side of someone who should be comforted. Not on the side of someone who should be blamed and held responsible.”

“… Haaa.”

“No one can blame a young child for committing an act like that to survive.” That was her true thought on the matter.

At her words, he looked at her with extremely bloodshot eyes, the veins seemed about ready to burst. He looked like someone who wanted to cry, but could not.

Without knowing what she was doing, she stretched out her hand towards his face. Her hand caught hold of his dry cheek. Again, she released a single teardrop. “You are extremely thin. Were… you always like this?”

“I think that I am not someone who deserves your concern to this level.”

“I know that as well,” Patrizia muttered as she began to stroke around his cheek. “You are not deserving of this level of concern from me.”

“So that is why I do not know what to do.”

“It is not difficult. Your Majesty just needs to… You just need to take in and enjoy all that is undeserved.” Suddenly, Patrizia stopped stroking his cheek and stared at Lucio as she told him, “This is all the result of a foolish woman not being able to distinguish between sympathy and love properly.”

“You are not a foolish woman.”

“I am foolish, Your Majesty.” -I vowed that I would never love you,- Patrizia laughed to herself bitterly. -If the promises of the past are scattered away so easily like this, I am definitely foolish.-

“At least to me, there is no one who is as smart and intelligent as you are.”

“…”

-At least for you, there is no one as foolish and cloddish like me,- Patrizia thought to herself. “… Are you a bit better now, Your Majesty?”

“Indeed. I am quite… unseemly.”

“…”

Patrizia felt her irritation building up inside. She hated his constant self-deprecation. At that moment, she finally noticed the traces of his self-inflicted wounds. She raised his injured arm without realizing what she was doing. She could sense that he was taken aback by her actions.

“Pa…” He was terrified and tried to call out to her to stop, but as Patrizia calmly caressed the scars on his arm, his surprise began to subside slowly.

“It must have hurt,” Patrizia muttered.

-It hurt. A lot.- Lucio swallowed the truth as he chose to deliver a lie instead. “It is fine.”

“…I can tell it is not fine at all,” Patrizia countered, not taking her eyes off the scars on his arm. “Why do you lie about this?”

“I just…” He released a small gasp and spoke as if he was in pain, “…I am sorry.”

“What are you sorry about?”

“All of it.” He apologized with sad eyes. “I feel so sorry for all the mistakes I have made that have affected you; all the wounds I have inflicted on you, even saying that I am sorry, makes me feel more sorry.”

“…” At those words, Patrizia quietly rose from his embrace.

As she moved away, he could feel his heart sink with a heavy thud. He wished that she would remain in his arms forever. He wanted to be able to hold her for all of eternity. He held those hopeless desires in his thoughts as he stared deeply into her eyes, and she also stared deeply back into his.

After a while, she briefly said to him, “Kiss.”

“…”

“Can I do it?”

“What…”

When he opened his mouth with flustered eyes, Patrizia pressed her lips over his without any hesitation. Holding his shoulders tightly in an embrace, she closed her eyes and continued to kiss him. The first kiss should have been sweet, but the first taste was sadly a bit salty.

“Ah…”

Lucio had been taken by surprise and released a sound of bewilderment, but after witnessing Patrizia matching her lips to his, he finally closed his eyes. He readily responded to her kiss with a face both sad and moved. He bit her upper lip lightly, sucking and swallowing her lips entirely as if he was consuming an apple, and gently swept her beautifully balanced teeth with his tongue… weeping quietly as he did so.

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Translated by Haeli

Edited by RED