Chapter 946: Fear, doubt and uncertainty (1)

Inside the chamber Azief golden eyes then changed as it is now glowing with blue colors and the burst of his energies suppresses the illusion power of Hikigaya.

It captures every parts of the illusion particles that is about to exploded out. It chained them and brought it back toward Azief.

Each of those illusion particles form into a floating orb shining with rainbows colors.

It floated all over the chamber and then it was absorbed into Azief body and then he crouched down to look at Hikigaya

They are now at eye level.

Hikigaya is still holding his head and he is screaming in pain as more and more illusion fills his mind and it is hard for him to maintain his sanity.

If not for Azief restraining the illusion, who knows what would happen to Japan right now? They too might also be affected by the illusion and does something they regret.

Balfor attack did a lot of thing to Hikigaya. Azief did not came just because Hikigaya had some use to him. 

He also came because Hikigaya help him. And he came because he could feel a trace of Balfor in Hikigaya.

Maybe, Hikigaya himself did not notice it. But as Azief had fought with Balfor before, he is quite sure that there is a trace of Balfor in Hikigaya.

Once bitten, twice shy. 

Azief would deal with any trace that Balfor left. If he could even transform himself from a drop of blood, who knows what Balfor could do if he left his trace inside Hikigaya?

Maybe, he has even more plans. So, even if Hikigaya did not promise him anything, he would still try to solve Hikigaya problem. That is why he said to Hikigaya that he owes him one.

And there is something else that piqued Azief interest. The Heart Demon of Hikigaya.

Who knows whether the desire that is in his heart right now is his desire or Balfor desire? 

Who knows if the fears in his heart is his fears of the fears that Balfor had planted inside of Hikigaya? 

The backlash of a mental attack is never something that is pretty.

Azief sighed and then he lifted his hand. 

The moment he lifted his hand, an illusory small wheel appears in front of his palm. The Wheel is like the mini wheel that represent the Wheel of Reincarnation and Rebirth.

'I am strong enough to use it like this' he thought to himself with a smile of confidence. After all, this is a small problem. Big problem is like if Balfor comes out with his true body.

How could Azief summon the full Wheel of Reincarnation and Rebirth just to solve one Heart Demon.

That is like trying to kill a mosquito with a cannon

The Wheel of Reincarnation and Rebirth is one of the artifact most potent in dealing with mental attack.

It is a place where Azief could seal his enemies and tortures them with the Six Path. But it could also be used to know oneself, to understand oneself and to remove doubt and fear.

It could be used against mental backlash like this. 

Azief then smack Hikigaya forehead. 

The smack is very gentle. 

But, to Hikigaya it was like Azief had smacked his head with a hammer

The Wheel enters Hikigaya mind. And the moment he did that, Hikigaya was sent back into his mind, this time forcing him to face the things in his mind

Hikigaya look his fears and once again he had to see the things he did not want to see the most. But unlike before, in the darkness of his fears, he could see that there is a golden figure.

This golden figure sat upon a golden lotus and when the fear got so bad that it threatens to overwhelm him, this golden figure would appear and guide him to defeat his fears.

At times, this golden figures would even fight and kill the object of his fears. 

It felt like a thousand years had passed as he keeps fighting against his fears. With each fears that he defeated, he become even braver and more valiant. 

He faces everything heads on and no longer cower. Even if it is something he fear, he no longer runs away. 

And then the golden figure could no longer be seen until finally Hikigaya realizes that he is now the golden figure and wherever he steps, golden lotuses formed.

He had free himself from his fear. But then he was once gain transported into another place

The space spirals and when he blinks, he is at another place that he could not quite figure out

Before he could determine where he is, uncertainty plagues his heart. 

This mental torture is different from facing his fears. 

For his fears, he could cut it apart. He could choose to move forward regardless of the darkness in front, accepting the consequences of his action.

The uncertainty however forces him to not even move. 

He had the courage but the uncertainty makes him hesitates, make him delayed and soon enough, he did not even move. 

What good is golden lotuses if he did not move and did not know where to move? 

His golden light that comes from him slowly dimmed. Hikigaya with each passing seconds doubt every single decision he had made. But then golden lotuses bloom at Hikigaya most depressive state. 

These golden lotuses fill the entire darkness that it seems trillions of lotuses blooms at the same time. On top of each of these lotuses is a golden figure.

This golden figures all have the same face. 

Hikigaya felt familiar looking at the face of that golden figure. He had the feeling that he once had saw such face before but he just couldn't remember it

The trillions of golden figures look at him, the gaze is gentle and comforting. Then, these golden figures speak.

It speaks like they were one and the same, and their words echoes all over

A sutra-like chants fills the darkness. It drives the darkness and brings clarity.

Every single uncertainty that he had was answered. It was then Hikigaya saw a change on the golden figures. 

The faces of the golden figures changes. And it changes to him. He then understood who is answering his question. It is not that golden figures who answer his question.

It is his heart answering his doubt and uncertainty.

The sutra-like chants were actually the answers to his uncertainty. 

So, Hikigaya close his eyes and listen. Like a song that cleanses the heart and rejuvenate the souls, slowly, Hikigaya could rid out of the uncertainty and doubt in his heart. 

He got up and then he opens his eyes.

There are no longer trillions of golden figures filling up the entire space. Instead there is no one but him.

Hikigaya then understood. Those trillions of golden figures are himself.

It is in his heart. He is now able to move. Uncertainty and doubt had been purged from his heart. 

He took a step and then like lightning he could move wherever he wants. His heart is free and as such his body is also free. 

Then the area spirals again and Hikigaya is now inside a room. This room is full of his desires. The carnal ones and the not so carnal ones. 

When one desires had been fulfilled, another would come down.

The room changes all the times, all of it seems brief and ethereal, like he is inside a boudoir of pleasure.

All of his desire were fulfilled in this room that had no border. The room could stretch to infinity and everything he could want would appear the moment he thinks of it. 

He felt that this should be his reward. He had been fighting his fears, he had endured the uncertainty and doubt and this is his reward.

Everything he could ever desires is now his for the taking. It is his paradise. 

He did not know how many years he had spent inside the room but it felt like tens of thousands of years had passed.

Slowly, he forgets his fears. He forgets his uncertainty. And then he started forgetting who he is and what he is doing.

He was drowned with pleasures and happiness that never ceased. The banquet last forever, and there is no sadness, not obstacles, no hardship.

The life is full of happiness and at some point he did not even know what he is happy about. 

Slowly, it felt like he is melding with the pleasure like he couldn't differentiate which is him and what is pleasure, like he is turning into an intangible concept.

But then, a creaking sound fills the room. The creaking sound at first was a subtle sound. It sounds like the winds that passed by.

But slowly that sound grew louder. And then like thunder and lightning it shakes the room. The desires he had was extinguished one by one. 

Amidst the dancing women, the entrancing sound of music, there is a man, standing amidst the dirty desires.

On top of his head is a halo that covers him. Golden light emanated out from him and his eyes is golden bright. Wherever he gazes, the object of his desires dissipated like it was dust.

Then slowly he remembers his name. his name is Hikigaya.