Chapter Sixty-Eight

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“Abigail,” you ask as you’re walking over to the Academy. You’re almost by the main gate already, and you can see a bunch of students all over, some of them walking in really silly ways, others laughing as they drink from big mugs. The party made it all the way here.

“Hrm?” Abigail says.

That’s one of those not-quite-a-words that means ‘yeah, go on,’ in mortal. “Is there a word for when a bunch of mortals all start doing things to help one person?”

Abigail frowns a bit and seems to think about it. “That depends, how are they helping?”

“By doing things like sacrificing stuff, and they do that thing where they worship that person because they’re the best, and they listen really hard to what they say?”

“I... Dreamer, I think you’re describing a cult,” Abigail says.

It’s your turn to frown. “What are cults?”

“They’re when a lot of people start to follow one person, really fanatically. They usually have their own beliefs and such, and can be a little crazy.” She’s eyeing you now. “Why are you asking?”

“Just needed to know the name of something,” you say.

So... you’re going to start a cult. It’s good to know what it’s called, that way the future members won’t be confused.

“Dreamer,” Abigail says and you snap your head back to look at her. “What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about all sorts of stuff, but mostly I think I’m going to stay with the familiars today. I’m still sleepy.”

“Ah, okay,” she says with a nod and a relieved sigh. You don’t know what she’s relieved about, but she does give you a head pat so it’s okay either way.

There’s a bit of hustle and bustle by the school entrance, with some teacher telling the students that they can’t come in if they’re inebriated, but they’re overruled by someone that looks like they took a bath in your fountain.

And then it’s off to class!

You’re not sure which class Abigail has this morning, but it sounds like one of the boring ones.

It doesn’t matter!

You stand in the familiar babysitting room, hands on your hips and eyes roving across a sea... or well, about twenty, familiars. There are cats and mice and something that looks like a small dragon, and they’re all looking at you.

“Okay,” you begin. “So, we’re gonna start a cult. It’s gonna be really great. All you need to do is be nice to Abigail, and put some of your food on her shrine. Even if it’s animal food.”

The familiars eye each other, and you can tell that some of them aren’t convinced. It makes sense, after all, you would have a hard time just parting with your food unless it was for a good cause... or a great cause. You need to convince them even more!

“You get stuff for being in the cult,” you say. “The person who leads the cult gets... uh, headpats. And the others will get the satisfaction of knowing that Abigail is happy, which is really nice and makes your tummy feel warm. Also, people don’t think you’re important, because you’re all just familiars, but that’s not true. You can be important, by bringing food to the Abigail shrines for m-- her to eat later.”

They still don’t look convinced.

You hum like Abigail does and tap your chin as you ponder how to convince all the familiars to join your cult. How did those hokey religions do it?

There was this thing about making all the people that aren’t a member look bad, and then... group activities? Singing? Who knew starting a cult was so much work.

“Okay, so, you like your masters, right?” you ask.

The familiars all seem to agree that their masters are pretty swell.

“Well, your masters are all gonna die from being mortal, right?”

There’s a lot of unease at the idea, and you can sympathize, Abigail was totally able to die before you came around. Now she’s not allowed. If one of those conceptual death gods tries something you’re going to have words.

“Right, so if you give stuff to the Abigail shrines, then, if you give enough, I’ll maybe make it so that your masters don’t die. And I can give them other things, like tentacle bits to make them better.” Charlotte seemed to love her tentacle whip, so maybe others would too?

The animals now seem a whole lot keener on the idea of joining.

Now you need to find a common enemy. That one’s easy.

“Now, since you've joined the Abigail is Cool Cult, you’re basically enemies of the Inquisition. They’re really mean, and they don’t like you. And if they find out that you’re in the cult they’ll be extra mean to you and your summoners. So we all have to silently agree that we don’t like them.”

There, that ought to work.

With a satisfied nod, you use some tentacles on the surface of the planet’s moon to carve out a nice big shrine to Abigail, then you teleport it over to the corner of the room. “Please put some of your yummy, yummy food on there, please,” you say.

As the familiars shuffle about, you consider just how awesome you are and whether having a big throne for yourself would be over the top or not.

Either way, Abigail is going to be so proud!

But you can’t tell her right away. The familiars still need to practice chanting her name in low humming tones at night. That’s an important part of the aesthetic.