Chapter Forty-four

Alexander's POV

It has been a week. I thought his heart stopped beating but it did. It really did. Only for a few seconds. He could have died—everyone was terrified; mostly worried. I'm scared of admitting this but I was actually scared if his heart did stop.

I run up the stairs, holding onto the railing as I fasten my steps. My jaw drops slightly onto the ground as I stare at his lifeless body. I feel my body goes ice cold immediately—as if I didn't expect this to happen. I hear Theo's voice as he continues to bring him back; but I stand there, helplessly.

''Stay with me!'' He shouts, checking the machine. The beeping doesn't stop and I look down at my shaking hands, was it my fault? Was I the cause of this? I feel like my soul is being ripped out of my own body, as if I'm drowning with no light to guide me out.

''Please.'' I look at the her—Theo's mother as she holds onto dad's hand, entwining their fingers. Her face shows sorrow, sadness and mostly pain. The way she looks at him; encouraging herself that he's still alive is full of hope; somehow knowing that he won't leave her—leave them.

Taking a few step backwards, my back hits the wall; stopping me from moving any further. I can never run from my problems, I can never run away. I keep on muttering in my head as my heart continues to race. I shake my head in denial, no, this couldn't be it. This isn't my fault!

I anxiously run my hand on my face over and over again—trying to erase the images in front of me. This isn't real, I thought in my head. Even with my eyes closed, I can still hear the machine beeping; telling us that he's gone for good. It took me awhile to realise that tears have blocked my vision, ''T-Theo.'' I stutter.

Theo stops moving all at once as he turns around to look at me; his nose red and his eyes wet with tears. Within seconds, he's already standing in front of me and gripping my collar against the wall; holding back his anger. I let him. It was my fault after all. He loved him. He continues to grip the collar harder but slowly, he let them go.

Our eyes meet and it somehow shows disappointment but there was something else stopping him from hurting me. He wants to hurt me—it's clear. Everything seems to move fast as the medic team walks in fast and transfer him to the bed. I just watch as they rush out of the room—wanting to get him out of here immediately.

And here I am, staring at his heartbeat on the machine. He's stable; that's what the doctor said. I turn around, seeing that Athena is snuggling close to my sweater as she sleeps on the sofa. Her legs curled up beside her. I continue to stare at her face.

When she found out about this last week, the look on her face shows that she did expect something like this to happen. She wasn't shock but she was when she heard that he's in the hospital because of me. Overall, she understands me. She listened. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here near my own father. I wouldn't be here hoping that he'd wake up.

I hold onto his hand; somehow giving him strength, ''I don't know if you can hear me or not but I just feel like saying this.'' I breathe out, looking at his face, ''I'm sorry for what I said the other day, I was upset. Mostly mad because of what you've done but I realise that people make mistakes and you're no different.'' I clench my jaw, not really knowing whether I should continue or not. I turn around, seeing that Athena is still sleeping so I quickly continue, ''I've fallen for someone. She has been here with me since you've been hospitalised.'' My lips curve up into a small smile, ''She's here, though. Sleeping.''

I breathe in, ''I know you couldn't see her but she's really beautiful. It would be really twisted if I tell you how we met so I'm going to skip that part.'' I chuckle a little, remembering the first time I met her, ''I can't predict my future and I can't control of what's going to happen but I want you to know that I'm here for her and I won't repeat your mistakes. She's curses a lot but luckily, we're working on that one.'' I smile to myself as I peek at her figure. Her mouth is slightly open which somehow looks cute, to me.

''Dad.'' I call out for him, I can feel my eyes watering but I bite the insides of my cheeks—trying to hold back the tears from falling, ''I forgive you. I want you to live your life, I want you to be happy so I'm not going to bother you. It's up to you. You didn't choose my mother but I know that you used to love her. There's nothing else that I could do to undo your wrongs. I'm sure that she understands too, she has always been that kind of person.''

I look down at his fingers, ''You will always be my dad, you know that right?'' As soon as I drop my head onto the back of his hand, the machine slowly beeps; signalling that his heart has stopped beating. I quickly look up at the machine before seeing the doctor and a few nurses rushing in with Theo trailing behind. I look at him, confused.

My eyes couldn't look away from his figure. I feel someone pulling me up and I turn around to see Athena grabbing onto my arm before pulling me out of the room. As soon as we're out, my legs weaken in her arms. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and they just flow freely, trying to wash out of the pain. She stands up on her tiptoes, wrapping her arm around my neck and soothingly run her fingers on my hair.

''Everything's going to be alright.'' She whispers softly.

I nod before pulling her closer. I guess his choice is being with her.

Theo walks out of the room, pinching the bridge of his nose. I peck Athena on the forehead before breaking the hug. I look directly at Theo as he turns to look at me; shaking his head before smiling sadly. I clench my jaw, ''No?'' I mutter under my breath.

He shakes his head once more, ''No.'' Then he pats onto my shoulder, ''I'm sorry Alex but there's nothing that they could do. He was fine but—'' He stops talking, ''—I guess it's just time.'' I nod my head. True. There's nothing that we could do; there's nothing that could bring him back to life. He may wanted to go.

That was the end of his journey.

Athena's POV

I turn around to look at Alex as he continues to stare at the empty glass in his hand. I continue to scan the room and I see Theo talking to a few men and nodding at a few words they said. I slowly drop the plate I'm holding onto the kitchen island; receiving his relatives' attention, ''I'll be back.'' I say and they nod their heads.

Alex leans his head on the sofa before closing his eyes but once I'm close enough, he peeks through his droopy eyes and just continue to look at me—without uttering a single word. I sit down beside him and his eyes won't leave mine. My whole body starts to tense under his gaze, ''You alright?'' I ask, braving myself to meet his eyes.

Looking closely into his eyes, it shows how red they are. ''I'm fine.'' He mutters under his breath before turning to look the other way and closing his eyes once more. I lean in, trying to take the empty glass away from him but as soon as I make contact with the glass, he pulls his hand away, ''I said I'm fine.'' He clears his throat and move his other hand away from touching my skin.

I bite softly onto my lower lip as I sigh deeply. My eyes focuses on his hair; seeing how messy they are. I slowly reach out to run my fingers through his hair but then realise that he wouldn't want me to do so anyway. I pull my hand back, placing them on my lap, ''If you need me—''

He cuts me off by looking directly at me which stops me from talking immediately. ''I told you that I'm fine.'' His voice low and slightly deeper, like he hasn't talked for hours. ''So, just go away and leave me alone.'' I see him clenches his jaw at the end before glancing at the corner of his eye.

I nod my head slowly before standing up and running my hand on my dress. I turn around as I walk away from him but before entering the kitchen, I glance back at his direction and see that he's covering his face with his hand before sighing. So, I continue to walk into the kitchen and meet his relatives again. They have been talking about something that's related to Alex but I didn't bother to eavesdrop.

''Everything okay with you and Alex?'' One of Alex's cousin places the stack of plates on the kitchen counter. I look up at her, meeting her light grey eyes, ''Don't worry about it, he's just upset.'' Then she sits on the kitchen stool.

''Well, we used to be but after his parent's divorce, we barely even see him anymore. This is the first time in years and look at where we are, at his dad's funeral.'' She continues to look at me, ''I don't know much about him because it was a long time ago but he's really isn't the same Alex I played with when we were kids.''

I nod. She picks up the plates again, ''I'm going to put these in the cabinet, I'll be back.'' Then she starts to walk away into the other room—leaving me with others. I remain still on my seat, not really bothered to move around. Sighing, I rub the back of my neck as I close my eyes.

Alex has been keeping his distance after the burial. He would walk faster and leave me behind. When his cousins wanted to talk, he would just nod and leave to get some space. Theo covered it up for him and say that he just needed to be alone. I didn't bother to talk much or even say anything to him; afraid if he might get angry out of nowhere. He's really unexpected.

I hear someone walking behind me and I turn around to see Alex taking a glass of water. His relatives—in the kitchen—stops talking and starts to look at both of us. He continues to drink his water and refill for another one. I just stare at his broad shoulders; not bothered to call out his name. To my surprise, he takes a seat near me, pouring the water into his glass.

His eyes meet mine and he continues to look at me without doing anything else except drinking his water. I start to feel uncomfortable and he seems to notice it too but he acts like he doesn't. Most of his relatives start to walk out of the kitchen; leaving us behind—probably thinking that we're not in good terms right now.

I look away from him, rubbing the back of my hand as I focus on anything but him. I glance toward his direction and I see him standing up from his seat. He looks down at me before patting onto my shoulder and walk out of the kitchen. Is he asking me to follow him?

Being in denial, I just stay in the kitchen—not bothering to follow him; if that's the sign he's giving me. But as time passes, it continues to bug me so I quickly walk out of the kitchen and start walking up the stairs, following all the steps he took earlier.

The curtains manage to catch my attention as it continue to be blown by the wind from the outside. I take a closer look at the balcony and see someone familiar stands there with his head down. Without me realising, my legs have been taking me toward him; until it's clear that he's Alex.

I look out, surprised by the view. The clear sky with the sun shining brightly; not even showing the sign of an incoming rain. I distance myself away from him—afraid if being too close might tense him up after knowing that he's not in a good mood.

''I'm sorry.'' I hear his voice, low. My eyes focuses on his profile as he lifts his head up; not bothering to glance at my direction, ''I just wanted some space. Didn't even wanted to ignore you.'' But I was wrong, when he turns to look at me. Our eyes meet in an instant, making me blink a few times.

''It's fine. I understand what you're going through, it's a hard process.'' I reply.

Alex grabs one of my hand and I am once again loving the feeling of his warmth. He might look he's in a mess right now but he should know that I'll be here for him. I'll always be here if he needs me; as long as he wanted me here. I turn our hand around before giving him a squeeze.

He pulls me by the hand; closing the space between us. I immediately hit him by the chest but I manage to stop myself from falling by gripping onto his hand. I continue to look down as I feel him caressing the side of my cheek with the back of his hand—there's just something from his touch that would make me go all crazy inside.

''Athena, do you—'' I look up, meeting his blue eyes, ''—need me?''

Is that a trick question? No expression given from his face as we just continue to stare at one another. I don't know whether he's testing me by wanting me to confess everything that I feel about him or toward him but it's working, ''Do you?'' I ask him back and he frowns his eyebrows at my question.

''Even a blind person can see how much I need you.'' He responds, a smirk following afterwards.

''Then you know whether I need you or not.'' I shrug, not really wanting to give him a straight answer. He sighs and he leans in to kiss me on the cheek—making me close my eyes and cup his face. As he take a step back, he slowly leans in to kiss me on the lips. Our lips meet but with such slow movement, I can feel the softness of his lips; how they manage to fascinate me at first.

But it's just that before he pulls away and our face inches away from each other. ''What are we?'' I mutter under my breath and I feel his nose hitting mine as he move backwards and shoving both of his hands in his slacks' pocket.

''It depends on what you feel toward me.'' He clenches his jaw, ''Because you know how I feel toward you.''

In an instant, I pull him into a hug as I wrap my arms around his neck. He stays still for a moment before holding me around my waist, ''I'm here.'' I whisper into his ear, soothingly rubbing his back. He has always comforted me and it's weird that I'm the one comforting him now.

He snuggle deeper into my hair, probably inhaling my scent. I continue to hug him tighter as we continue to embrace each other. I pull away slowly but both of his hands are still on my waist; He just holds onto me, not wanting to let me go. His eyes immediately catch my lips as one of his hand runs up my jaw, pulling my face closer.

I look down at his lips too and without wasting any second, he leans in; meeting my lips. He kisses me softly and slowly—savouring the moment. He pulls me closer by the waist to deepen the kiss. He tilt his head to the side and have a better access on my lips.

After a few minutes, we both pull away; knowing that we can't continue any further. He run his fingers through my hair, loving how his fingers move effortlessly through them. He kisses on top of my forehead, ''I love you.'' He mutters softly, enough for me to hear. I feel my own body tenses but I didn't say a word as I continue to look at him with confusion written all over my face.

I blink, he said it. Frowning, I mentally hit my head against the wall; how can I not remember? He said it already and it took me awhile to realise. I clench both of my hands into fists, starting to feel uncomfortable being near him. Alex keeps on looking at me but not a single word escape his mouth.

''Alex.'' I call out his name. I feel my own heartbeat raising every second as we continue to look at each other. My eyes couldn't leave his and I couldn't stop myself either, ''Do you love me?'' I ask, hearing my voice almost breaking at the end.

He breathes out but did not utter a single word.