Chapter 73 - Unforgivable

Even the photos told him the same. Often they discovered the truth invisible with the normal eye. Not because the lens saw something more, it only allowed to capture and freeze a moment elusive for the human eye. The longer you looked at the picture, the more clearly you could see all the nuances of the adopted facial expressions. The less an object was aware that it was being photographed, the more real it was in the photos.

Just like those in the zoo.

The photos were taken with a mobile phone from a distance, but looking at them Andrzej felt the warmth of memories. Dominik was not only smiling, he radiated sincere, almost childlike joy.

The memory was beautiful, but Nowicki gritted his teeth. It was unfair that someone with such high sensitivity had so few opportunities for genuine and sincere laughter. The adult world, however, is cruel and tough, requiring a fight for money and social position. It does not tolerate naive idealists turning them into money-making machines or using their infantile approach to seeing reality. For years, Śliwiński was a victim of the latter. How then could he really and honestly open up to an adult knowing that he would open himself to him for further blows? Only a child who was pure in his intentions and desires allowed him to feel safe. Only in front of the child could he lower his guard and be himself for a moment.

And in front of me, he thought, feeling strange with that awareness. He didn't understand why Dominik trusted him so much?

'Because I saw your dark side,' he had told him when asked about it a long time ago.

The first thing he saw in me was the dark side. I blackmailed him, and yet he was grateful to me. I was finally able to sell these photos for a great profit, but I gave them to him. And where did it get me?

However, he did not regret it. Maybe he got involved in a bizarre situation involving occasional sex with another man, but he had the impression that if Dominik hadn't ended his relationship with Marczak, something very bad would have happened to him. After all, how long can you go on in a relationship where only one side loves, only one side gives? How much longer would Dominik endure before seeking solace in alcohol, maybe drugs, or another man's arms?

Wait a minute, isn't he doing the latter now?

But now at least he's not doing it out of desperation. Probably. Dominik honestly thinks he is in love. Their situation is not related to a desperate escape for him, but a desire to get something new. At least that's what Andrzej thought when he looked at the actor's photos from the zoo. Their relationships were ...

Nowicki stretched out in the chair, folded his hands behind his head and looked at the ceiling.

Their relationships were indefinite, somewhat bizarre. It was largely a friendship - there was no doubt about that. They liked each other's company, so spending time together was completely natural for them. One could say that they are close to each other as close brothers, were it not for the fact that the brothers do not sleep together.

And it was sex that complicated everything between them.

Sex. What went wrong with me to sleep with Dominik? Damn it!

In his laptop's memory there was still a photo he had taken while Dominik having sex with Marczak. He once tried to remove them so as not to remember that Dominik had previously been in an intimate relationship with this man, but the beautiful expression that the actor had assumed then did not allow him to do so. It would be like burning "Lady with an Ermine" or cutting down frescoes in the Sistine Basilica. Andrzej could not do it and now he has displayed this photo again.

'Which is why I slept with him', he thought. Because of his wonderfully parted lips, hellish aquamarine eyes and the inspired expression on his face. Consciously or subconsciously, everyone dreams of hugging the ideal of beauty in their arms, and Andrzej was so lucky that this ideal chose to hug him.

Just Him.

How then was he not to succumb?

A subtle, even tender smile appeared on his face. Dominik was not an ordinary man. His physical beauty and nature's sensitivity made him something special. Although he would only play dressing up in front of the camera, if following the footsteps of Eugeniusz Bodo in an evening gown he would sing: "Sexiness, this is our female weapon ..."[1] he would be like a sensual little princess dazzling everyone ...

Sensual little princess?

Staring at the photo, enchanted by the association, Andrzej smiled even wider. The vision was extremely attractive.

"Mr. Nowicki! Mr. Nowicki!"

Andrzej started. Surprised, he looked towards the door. Does he hear Werner's voice? Why is she calling him so tightly? What the hell happened?

He was immediately at the door. He opened it and the first thing he saw was how the director was supporting Dominik, standing over the table. There was something disturbing about the actor's silhouette, so Nowicki was with him in just a few steps.

"Dominik ?!" He cried looking at his face.

The face was motionless, colorless, frozen in shock. Eyes absent. Andrzej snatched the actor from Werner's hands and laid him on the couch.

"What happened?" He growled at the director.

"This," he pointed to the box on the table. Only now did Nowicki notice that he too was deeply moved.

Andrzej had to know what had happened in order to be able to react appropriately. He looked at the open cardboard package on the table.

He felt immediately sick. Inside was the blood-stained carcass of a gray Persian kitten with bulging blue eyes.

What a sickeningly sick joke! Or maybe a threat? Damn it!

Dominik must have been shocked at the sight. Nothing unusual. Given his sensitivity, receiving something like this must have shocked him. Poor boy. Andrzej immediately leaned over him to see if his life was in danger.

"Dominik, it's okay," he said in a soft, gentle voice. "It's just a stupid, sick joke. Hey, get a grip. Can you hear me?"

He heard. Slowly, with great difficulty, he looked into the eyes of Andrzej, bent over him.

"I called an ambulance" Andrzej heard behind him.

Dominik wouldn't want that. He was afraid of a scandal. In similar situations, he has already refused medical treatment twice, and maybe it was a mistake. Perhaps Andrzej should have done what Werner is now doing.

"Thank you," Nowicki replied completely sincerely. He suspected that he would not dare to call an ambulance this time.

"There's also a letter. Maybe I should call the police?"

"A letter?"

"Looks like threats."

"Did he read it?"

"He had it in his hand, but I don't know. How is Mr. Śliwiński?"

Andrzej looked at the actor, who gave the impression that he was on the verge of consciousness. Shock gave way to weakness.

"Sorry… for the scene," Dominik said weakly. "I'll be okay very soon. I don't need… a doctor."

"Don't be angry, but it looks different. This is the second time in a week I see you on the verge of fainting" noticed Maciej Werner.

Nowicki looked at Werner immediately, alert. What is he talking about? Second time in a week close to fainting? When was the first? At a charity event, there was no doubt about it, because only then did he see Werner. Andrzej knew that the party had overwhelmed Dominik and he had to leave early, but that he would be in danger of losing consciousness? Why doesn't that idiot tell him such things?

"Then what about the police?" Werner asked anxiously. "We should report it."

Śliwiński shook his head firmly.

"No," he said emphatically, which sounded ridiculous considering the weakness of his voice. "It's just a silly joke. Only a joke…"

Does he convince them or himself? No matter who. Andrzej did not think his life was in immediate danger at this point, but if Dominik continued to be under such stress, his body would collapse completely. Where is this ambulance?

"And I don't need a doctor…" Dominik began timidly.

"Shut up," Andrzej cut him off sharply. "Second time in a week, remember?"

Apparently he remembered because he didn't say a word. He looked away in shame. Before he did, Andrzej noticed, that Dominik's gaze was hurt as if he had just been betrayed.

'Look at me with the eyes as much, as you want,' Nowicki thought. 'I won't let you hurt yourself anymore.' He was angry, he was furious that he had not noticed how weak Dominik was. After all, they lived together, he should have seen it!

He was aware that he was lying to himself. He had seen it all. He knew that the actor was under enormous stress that he had lost his appetite and was losing weight. At last he held him in his arms, and he could not help but see the pale complexion, feel the heat of his skin. He ignored it because he was a self-righteous idiot who thought that his friendship was enough to heal the wounds Marczak had inflicted on Dominik.

Meanwhile, Dominik did not recover, quite the opposite. And as if that were not enough, today someone has crossed all borders by sending him this sick gift.

While waiting for the ambulance, Andrzej made a decision - he would find out who sent Dominik the package, find him, bind him with a blunt butter knife and order him to eat his own liver. Raw.

[1] Classic scene where a man on stage pretends to be a woman. This one comes from a movie from the period between the First World War and the Second World War.