Chapter 88 - What Drives Dominik Is Love

Dominik gave the impression that he had heard an uncomfortable question.

"No, that was ... I don't know," he admitted irritably. "First it was really a job. Then Marek took all my time. When I mentioned that I would like to see someone from the family, it was always the wrong time as we were going to have some important meeting. And so with time I thought less and less about seeing them, and finally the very thought became strange."

"But now you've come back to them. You won't leave them any more, will you?"

"Right, I won't" he smiled and stared at Andrzej with his beautiful, aquamarine eyes. The photographer once again wondered how nature could create such a color of irises.

"You're looking at me weird again," Andrzej said, feeling uncomfortable.

"Weird?"

"Yes. As if you had something on your mind."

"There is something like that," he admitted.

"If it's related to me, I want to know."

"For sure?"

"Yes."

"But for sure?"

"Yes."

"I love you."

Andrzej swallowed hard.

Dominik wasn't lying. He was a wonderful, even brilliant actor, but in his private life he could not lie. His eyes were too sincere to hide the truth. Nowicki had heard this confession from his lips, but it was always accompanied by emotional tension, usually also erotic. For Andrzej to be aware that these words were used in a normal, everyday situation, at breakfast consisting of fresh bread and fried sausage ...

Andrzej believed him. He absolutely believed that Dominik was speaking these words honestly.

Three people who did not know each other knew that they were sleeping together: his friend Paulina, the actor's former lover - Marczak, and young Olek Śliwiński. To Nowicki's surprise, no one looked at them with disgust and it was even natural and obvious to them. They did not consider the relationship of two men to be a bad thing. Andrzej also did not think that what they were doing was shameful, but love?

Love?

Nowicki felt his heart beating harder and faster. He adored Dominik, loved being with him, being in him, talking to him, caressing, kissing, but loving? He would give everything for him, his passion, his life, but he couldn't give him a heart.

Why?

Is it because he is a man, or is there something wrong with Andrzej and he cannot love at all? After all, he had never been in love with a woman, much less a man.

Dominik smiled at him warmly, but with a certain sadness lurking deep in his lovely eyes.

"You don't have to say anything," he said. "I know you don't love me back. Not like we both would like to. Maybe it will come in time, maybe not. For now we have what is and for me it is more than I ever had."

"For me, too," Andrzej admitted, and he fell silent, surprised by his confession. Why did he say that? "It means…"

"After breakfast, let's go for a walk. I'm fed up with sitting in four walls. You think there are still forest mushrooms?"

"I have no idea. Do you know mushrooms?"

"What a question! A good cook should know which mushroom is best to add to which dish."

His enthusiasm, his smile, were not fake. His whole being was happy and daring to spend time away from the city, media and possible persecutors.

Nowicki treated the matter of the letter and the parcel extremely seriously, especially after what Marczak suggested. Dominik was beautiful and very seductive, so it was more than likely that in addition to thousands of normal or fairly normal fans, he would also get those who would not accept reality and in their sick minds would start creating fantasies with him in the lead role. These people weren't necessarily evil by definition, but their delusions could have ended very badly - especially for Dominik. And then there was the actor's health."

In this case at least, although so serious, he had the full support of Śliwiński, who understood perfectly well where he was. The boy always tried to live healthy - he exercised regularly, ate balanced meals, did not drink alcohol, did not smoke, did not use any other stimulants and even reduced sugar. He would have lived a long and healthy life for decades, if not for trouble with his lover. At this point, the saying "die of love" was taking on real meaning.

Dominik knew what was threatening him and decided to live. Andrzej could not be happier than seeing his responsibility, efforts and a sincere smile accompanying them.

It seemed that the very core of Śliwiński's nature was not melancholic. The boy was full of smile and optimism. It was the last few years that had pushed him into loneliness, fear and sadness. Now Dominik, freed from Marczak's influence, smiled and lived as his nature desired. Was it just a break-up with an ex-lover that caused it?

'I love you' - these words Andrzej heard from him so often, and yet he was not able to accept them. He always knew when an actor was lying, and when he said these words, he was completely honest, yet Nowicki could not accept his confession.

Dominik cannot love him because simply no one can love him. He, too, had never, never had such affection for anyone. He just wasn't made for love.

Contrary to Śliwiński, who seemed to be unable to exist except under its influence. Interestingly, maybe in fact love was the same for him as oxygen was for others, so when he realized that Marczak was toxic to him, he found another, closest object for himself - Andrzej. In that case, it wouldn't be true love. Indeed, Dominik would have believed it to be so, but in fact it would only be a product of the actor's mind, which, unable to exist without this feeling, created his illusion.

"I don't even remember the last time I was picking mushrooms" said Dominik excitedly, gulping down the sausage. "I've always liked doing this."

"Then we'll see if they grow."

"They should," said the actor. "The litter is moist, the nights are cold and the days are warm, these are ideal conditions for mushrooms!"

Even such a simple thing as a walk in the woods and picking mushrooms brought Dominik so much fun. Did he really like mushroom picking, or was he a prisoner for so long that he enjoyed everything new to him?

They left for the forest right after breakfast. It was still chilly, so they put on light jackets. Andrzej offered sweaters, but Śliwiński definitely shook his head. Sweaters are nice and warm, he explained, but it's a nightmare to get tangled up in twigs or pick needles out of them. Andrzej had to agree with him. It seemed that Dominik, despite his years in the capital, had not forgotten his contacts with nature. Nowicki, a typical great-grandfather townsperson, had to admit that Śliwiński was right as soon as they entered the first conifers.

Andrzej had to take the camera with him. The golden Polish autumn was in full swing. The forest shimmered with the green of spruce, juniper and pine trees, the white of birches, and all shades of yellow, orange, red and even pink from the leaves and fruit sticking to trees and shrubs. The fleece was brown with old leaves and cones, green-silver with mosses, and purple with spreading heathers in places. Against this multi-colored background, in the golden rays of the sun, Dominik looked as beautiful as if he were a forest deity or at least an elf recovered from a classic fantasy novel.

"Look, the squirrel, the squirrel!" Dominik exclaimed excitedly as a small, fuzzy pet with a fluffy tail ran a few steps away from him. Literally a moment later, the actor raised his head and, pointing to the trunk of a tall tree, exclaimed: "What a beautiful woodpecker!"

The forest was full of life, colors and the singing of various birds. The joy and energy of the forest were beautifully reflected in Dominik's face and eyes.

As it turned out, the mushrooms were actually still growing. With a joyful smile like that of a small child who finally has the opportunity to go for a walk in the forest, Dominik searched for noble boletus (porcini mushrooms), less noble but very aromatic boletus commonly called podgrzybki, kozaki standing on thin legs and kowale calling with their red hats. The abundance and variety of mushrooms in the actor's basket surprised Nowicki, who began to seriously consider whether all of them were edible. He didn't know much about mushrooms at all, so he'd rather pick the ones with the prettiest, blood-red hats with white spots on top, under which tiny dwarfs lived in fairy tales, or the pretty burgundy ones. He would certainly poison someone by telling him to eat these mushrooms, but Dominik grew up in this area, so Andrzej simply had to trust him.

Trusting this lovely man somehow did not pose a challenge for Andrzej. Looking at him through the lens and without it, Andrzej could not believe for the thousandth time that such a beautiful and lovely man exists.

But he had to admit that the sight of smiling brightly Dominik made him happy.