45 : Mustard Seed Of Hope

"Min Jae." Suk Ju called out with his voice perfectly matching his expression. His face was blank yet his eyes were dark with frustration. Suk Ju was dead serious.

On the other hand, Min Jae swallowed as he stared out the wide window. Below, the garden was in view. The flowers and plants were already preparing for winter so only a few flowers were left in bloom.

"Why?" Suk Ju sternly asked. "She's your wife, Min Jae! Why is loving her so difficult to do?!" He now furiously exclaimed. He couldn't understand him anymore! Why is it that he kept saying that? Why the f*** is it not possible for him to love her back?!

Suk Ju held his forehead to calm his growing temper. His heart was breaking for Eun Young. She has so much to offer, yet this man couldn't even return that. Why? He wanted to understand why! Because maybe then, he could sympathize with him. Maybe then, he could still have hope for this man... that it wasn't too late for him to change.

"Because sh** happens." Min Jae calmly answered. "She's been through so much and the least I'd want is for her is to be involved with all the sh** in my life. She doesn't deserve that too, Suk Ju."

Min Jae hid his fists inside his pockets. He knows that no matter what excuses he give, no matter what his reasons were, they will never be enough. Suk Ju was right. Sooner or later, he has to let her go. He had hurt her so many times already. And to let Eun Young go was the only way he can make sure that she lives a happy and normal life.

After all, he didn't have the right to love her. Not even anyone else. He couldn't. Rather... he shouldn't, because he's nothing but a worthless man. Perhaps he was brought into the world for that reason: to suffer and experience life without love. He was cursed to be miserable. And for that, he deserves to be alone.

To let Eun Young go... that's what he had to do. Min Jae completely understands that. However, Suk Ju's words replayed in his mind. If not him, others could easily treat her well--far better than he ever could. Anyway, it wouldn't be difficult for Eun Young to find someone else. That's bound to happen when they come to part ways.

But for some reason, the idea of it left an unpleasant feeling in his chest. It's been going on for quite some time now and he still couldn't figure out what it meant. He should be glad, shouldn't he? That soon, she'll finally have someone who truly cares for her. Soon, she'll finally have someone who can love her as much. He would be out of the picture by then. He would be out of her life.

"You know what?" Suk Ju sighed. "The only sh** here is you. I don't understand you anymore, Min Jae. I thought you were better than this. We've been friends for a long time now for crying out loud! Sometimes, I feel like I don't know you anymore. I'm trying here so make me understand, Min Jae. Help me out here."

Min Jae finally turned to face him. Suk Ju didn't know why but when he looked at Min Jae's eyes, there was something there that he found very difficult to explain. His brown eyes reflected that of someone broken, but how could that be? Min Jae's expression was impassive but his eyes were telling Suk Ju otherwise. Suk Ju was confused and at the same time, he was worried. And for the first time in a long time, he was seeing his friend in a state he'd never expect to see him in.

When Min Jae saw the look on Suk Ju's face, he immediately diverted his gaze towards the papers before him. He briefly collected a few folders from his desk before handing it over to Suk Ju. Completely dismissing the topic, Min Jae said to him without much emotion. "Tell everyone to prepare for a meeting tomorrow. We will discuss about our projects' progress this month and I'll be entertaining proposals for the upcoming month as well."

Suk Ju's grip on the folders tightened. However, he decided not to pry further. He figured that Min Jae wasn't ready to talk about it yet. Even though Suk Ju badly wanted to know, he couldn't force Min Jae to tell him. Furthermore, Min Jae must've had his own reasons. Whatever it was, hopefully they were good.

"Alright." Suk Ju said as he went with the flow. "I'll inform everyone of the meeting. Perhaps evening will be fine? We'll have to finalize everything first so that we can smoothly proceed with tomorrow's agenda." He suggested.

Min Jae lightly nodded. "Yes, that will do." He agreed.

"If there's nothing else, I'll head back now." Suk Ju announced. "I remember my boss told me once that he was paying me to work, not to nag him like a f****** brat in his office." He snickered.

A small smile danced across Min Jae's lips. "You're the only f****** brat that he could tolerate in his office." He added.

"Ditto." Suk Ju remarked. He turned around to leave. There were so many things that they have yet to discuss and in due time, hopefully they will.

Suk Ju was about to close the door behind him when suddenly, he heard his friend's faintest whisper. "Thanks, Suk Ju." And with that, a mustard seed of hope blossomed in his chest.