Chapter 22.2

Xie Min’s Story – The White Deer’s Never-ending Cry (Part 2)

I don’t know how to describe my feelings. That day, everything I did seemed to have an edge of panic to it. At night, I watched Tong Sheng peacefully sleeping on the bed. I pushed open the door and stood on the balcony. As I gazed at the starry sky, I suddenly felt at ease.

The child has grown up and has her own life. Her father was right – I should not interfere.

That child longed for love and romance, longed for someone to depend on. Moreover, that person she wanted to depend on could not be her mother.

However, I was unable to stop myself from indirectly telling her to be on her guard where relationships with men were concerned, and to always protect herself. Tong Sheng hemmed and hawed, unwilling to divulge more. I could only drop the subject.

If I had known what would transpire on that vacation, I would definitely not have let her go.

My child had had a hard life the past few years, so she told me she wanted to take a trip for relaxation. I agreed wholeheartedly, and even gave her my entire month’s bonus. I thought she would go with friends. It never crossed my mind that she was too used to being independent, and didn’t really have any close friends to speak of. Thus, she went on her own.

……

The fifth day after Tong Sheng’s disappearance, I got home after work, called the police and received the same old apologetic response, “We’re still investigating. Sister Xie, please think again, is it possible that your child went somewhere else to holiday and didn’t tell you about it? Maybe she had no cellphone signal, or ran out of money?”

“No! That wouldn’t happen!” I almost shrieked at him. “She would definitely call me. She would not forget to keep me updated. Clearly, something has happened to her, you have to find her! Find her!”

But, she could not be found.

The police said there was proof that she had stayed in the ancient city for a few days, then moved on to another county.

Then she vanished.

There were people who saw her, but no one saw where she had gone.

My Tong Sheng was like a drop of rainwater which had fallen on the ground, evaporated and disappeared.

But, she was my only water (T/N source of life).

……

I left my job and sold the apartment. I took all my savings and started searching.

I searched for her in every corner of that county. Nothing. Why couldn’t I find her?

I searched for her there for close to a year, until my savings had almost run out.

Then, I came to the ancient city.

One day, while I was staying at the hostel, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and recoiled. I felt as if I had just woken up from a dream.

Was that me?

I used to be a teacher, and the most taxing work I had done was household chores. On my birthday the previous year, Tong Sheng had even praised me, saying her mother was so beautiful and youthful, with fair skin. I looked as if I were her older sister.

She was surely exaggerating as I already had a few white hairs. However, it was nothing compared to what I saw in the mirror now.

My complexion would never be fair again, having been tanned by the sun. My fingers were rough and dirty, and my hair was grey. Once upon a time, I could not even slaughter a chicken, and had to rely on Tong Sheng’s father. Now, I could lift a bundle of burlap sacks with one hand and shoulder them easily, just so I could earn enough money for lunch, then continue searching for Tong Sheng after I had eaten.

That night, I felt somewhat uncomfortable.

I thought, what if I find Tong Sheng, and she doesn’t recognise me? What then?

I had reported that QQ number to the police previously. However, they told me that they had investigated, and that boy had been attending classes at university during the time of Tong Sheng’s disappearance. There was ample evidence that he was not with her, and had nothing to do with the case. I wanted to get this boy’s contact information but the police refused to release it to me.

I knew I needed to find a job, otherwise there was no way I could keep on searching. An older sister* who was working part-time with me told me, “If you want to earn more money, you can go to the Yao family. The wages there are high, but . . . those who work there are not considered human.”

T/N 大嫂 (da sao) respectful term for an older lady

“Like I said, the people in the Yao family aren’t human. One man, with 5 wives.” Another older brother said, “I heard that he found some female university student two years ago and wanted to make her his next wife. After that, no one saw the girl again. They said she ran away.”

I didn’t pay much attention at first, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt something was wrong. So, I chased after that older brother to ask about that girl’s appearance and age. Unfortunately, he did not know anything more.

I stood at the door to the Yao family courtyard and thought very carefully.

I had gone to L county, but had not found any traces of Tong Sheng.

A female university student, a few years ago.

One man, a very wealthy man approaching fifty in age. 5 wives, yet still not contented.

On the surface, all these appeared to have no relation to Tong Sheng. Yet, I felt a strange, intense premonition compelling me to move towards the Yao household.

I knocked on the door and walked in.

……

Three times a week, he would sleep in first wife Ming Lan’s room.

They never once uttered the name ‘Tong Sheng’.

Only an old servant was allowed to go near their room. The rest of us were not.

Whenever he saw a young, pretty girl, he would always take another look, although he was clearly old enough to be her father.

……

Zhao Xia was not like them at all. She was always silent, always sad, and never once hit me. Once, I feigned innocence and asked her, “I heard that Mr Yao was previously planning to take a female university student as another wife, and then she disappeared?” Her expression then was hard to describe. She turned away, neither answering nor looking at me.

My heart felt as if it had been brutally struck by a stone hammer. I almost couldn’t take it any longer and wanted to question her further. Was it Tong Sheng? Was it?

However, I looked at the huge courtyard, and managed to hold it in. I didn’t have any proof, and the Yao family had both money and power. I had to be patient. Patient until the day when I couldn’t be, anymore.

Every day, I would tell myself, several times: I will find Tong Sheng.

I thought that I was slowly, little by little, coming closer to the truth.

After that, I thought things through and came to a clear conclusion: if there was no proof and no connection to Tong Sheng, then, if I could just determine that Tong Sheng had definitely been harmed by them, I would kill Yao Yuange and everyone else. How could it be that their lives were precious, but my Tong Sheng’s was not?

Thereafter, I gradually grew accustomed to waiting. I got used to the Yao family members’ beatings and scoldings, got used to living this kind of life. I was no longer living like a human being, but this was the only way. Only with my suspicions and hatred of them hidden in my heart could I live as if I were still human.

The world was so big, and I had still not found Tong Sheng. I had nowhere to go.

……

It was drizzling that morning. I was cleaning the area near the front desk at the Inn, when I hear the voice of a young man who was coming into the Inn.

“Hello, I’d like a king bed room, please,” the young man smilingly said to the receptionist.

I kept my head down and continued to sweep the floor. The me at that time liked to do repetitive and mechanical cleaning work. Watching the surface gradually becoming clean gave me an odd sense of pleasure.

“Are you a university student? Are you working here part-time?” A man’s voice asked.

The lady at the front counter smiled and denied it.

“You look like a student.” He said, “This is my QQ number: 5643XXX321. Why don’t you add me?”

My hand was transfixed.

I looked up, and saw his face.

He also noticed my gaze. He looked at me, then looked away again without the slightest concern.

That night, I sat in the narrow and dark servant’s quarters for a long, long time. I looked at the fine drizzle falling from the sky, and the wind blowing past the window, causing the sheets beside me to billow, as if someone was accompanying me. I suddenly understood that everything was arranged by fate. It moved in cycles, ebbing and flowing, bringing one up, then down, repeatedly. It had brought me disappointment, but would eventually give me hope.

Tong Sheng, I know you have come to me.

You’re telling me, Mum, don’t wait anymore, take action.