Chapter 71 - A Heart Doesn't Break Even

Jasmine

"True." Was the only thing he said. We stared at each other. "I don't really have an excuse for that." He shrugged.

"Please just let's stop pretending." I was feeling sick from the alcohol.

"Pretending what?"

"That you love me." I slowly said. "It is okay to admit that you just wanted to choose your own wife. I get that." I said.

Benjamin narrowed his eyes. It looked like he was contemplating how to answer me.

"Are you saying I don't love you?" Benjamin fired back.

"What I am saying is…" I started. I closed my eyes. "Would you have married me, if you and Saphira hadn't broken up.?" I narrowed my eyes in return.

"Yes." He breathed, but it didn't sound convincing.

"You would?" I frowned. "Yes… I would of done anything to get you away from the situation you were in. I would propose that I would take Saphira as my second wife." I looked to the floor. I could not look him in the eye.

He broke me again. I was right, I was just the back up. Nothing more than that.

"But you would be with her." I had a hard time keeping my voice even. Benjamin cocked his head to stare at me. I tried to avoid his eyes. Everything in me hurt.

"Then how could you say you love me?" I almost whispered. Benjamin took my face in his hands. "Because I do." He claimed. I knew I… Yes I loved him. I would never tell him that. But he… He loved everything that moved.

In my mind I relived our first night… kissing and.. I shook my head.

"Do you love me, or do you lust for me?" I sincerely asked him. "Are you serious?!" He asked a tat angry.

"Yes I am!" I said confidently. His hand was still on my cheek. Benjamin scrutinized my face. "Both." He said as he leaned in and kissed me.

As my lips moved against his, tears started to flow from my eyes. He kissed me softly and then looked at me again. Benjamin wiped the tears from my eyes.

I pressed my head against his chest, holding him. He folded his arms around me, cocooning me. "Can we sleep?" I asked him. "Yes." He breathed against my forehead.

Benjamin and I got into bed and he gestured me to come into his arms. I needed that right now, so I did. I slept for the longest time.

It was strange how the one who made you cry, could be the only one, you would want to dry your tears.

I woke up in his arms. Benjamin was already awake. My head hurt and so did my stomach. "I feel terrible." I said as I looked up to him.

"I do too. I hate it when we fight." Benjamin said as he stroke my arm. "No, I mean… I feel sick." I said as I quickly got up and darted to the bathroom.

Everything came out. "Habib are you okay?" He called from the bedroom. I didn't have time to answer, as my body pushed more fluid out. Benjamin came into the bathroom and wiped my hair out of my face. He took a cloth and cleaned me.

After a while I got back in bed. I felt like I couldn't move. Benjamin stayed with me all day.

"I'm sorry." He said as he rubbed my back. I did not know how to react.

Benjamin

I did not mean to hurt Jasmine like that.

In some ways, I guess she had a point. Although I did not think she was entirely fair. Wasn't she the one who told me that I should go ahead and find another woman? Wasn't she the one who said she did not want to marry me in the first place?!

She even broke off all contact between us. It was I that kept persuing her.

Meeting Saphira had felt like a gift at the time. At first it was more of a distraction, but it became so much more. Now everything I felt was all tangled up.

"Jasmine?" My lips trembled and I was glad her face was turned the other way. "Yes." She quietly spoke.

"Do you want to live separate lives?" It felt like her breathing stopped for a split second. "I mean, I would always provide for you of course and make sure you are safe, happy and healthy. You could go to college, here in the States." I kissed her shoulder.

I heard a soft cry escaped her lips. I turned her around and her face was wet. "Why did you make me love you?" She cried. "Why did you do that?" I saw her crumble into pieces in front of me.

"We could of stayed the best of friends." She mouthed.

She shook her head heavily. "Fine." Her voice broke. She twitched her lips. "Fine." She said again. "Take another wife." She shrugged. She bit her lips. Her Body felt rigid.

She looked at me, but I could not read her eyes. She kissed me, almost pleadingly so. I tasted the salt of her tears.

We got ready for the day in a haze. I think the others felt that there was something wrong, cause they barely made a sound on the flight back to Boston. We just got back to my penthouse to get our things. Jasmine stayed in our master bedroom the entire flight back to Saudi.

I came into the room a few times, looked at her and then closed the door again.

When we came back to the palace, Jasmine ordered the maids to give her a room in the harem.

Who would of ever thought it would come to this. I wanted to take back the things I said, that led to this moment. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. I could think of nothing that would of made her stay.

What was I supposed to say?

Her maids were packing her clothing, her jewelry and all of her books. Maybe if I could think of something, I could talk her down.

My heart still worked, but once she left my palace wing, I was barely breathing. I got nothing, while she got her freedom.

A few days had past and her maids informed me that she slept well. I could not imagine that, because I had been wide awake. I heard that my grandfather granted her access to the best teachers this country has to offer. I heard people say that she was brilliant. I had always known she was.

Weeks had passed. She had moved on while I was still grieving. I was all choked up and she seemed okay.

I hadn't gone to the family meals, cause I knew she would be there and my heart could not take to see her, but today I did.

She walked in with one of my grandfathers younger wives. They were talking in amusement. She wore a deep pink blue dress. The beats on her dress were golden and her eyes seemed to twinkle.

She seemed to do better without me, while the best part of me, was always her.

It took a while before she noticed me sitting there.

Her eyes were stuck on mine.

I swallowed.

"Good morning Jasmine and Farah. Jasmine will you take a seat next to your husband?" My grandfather said endearingly.

"Yes your majesty." She said as she smiled towards him. They shared a glance and she came to sit next to me. My heart drummed in my chest.

She did not turn to look at me. Jasmine smelled like cotton candy, it had been so long since I was this close to her.

She animatedly went on talking to the rest of the table, ignoring me.

"Jasmine have you considered my dilemma?" The sultan said. "Yes." She cocked her head. I think it would be a good idea if you sent a spokesperson you trust, to discuss the matter with the president. Even if the meeting leads to nothing, you can frame the situation in a way it benefits you the most." She said. "They can no longer say that you are not willing." Her voice was steady and confidant.

I smiled. They had told me about this, but it was hard to believe, that over the past several weeks, she had become my grandfathers favorite advisor. I could see why.

"Good." My grandfather said. I'll think about it and come back to you." He looked proud of her. I knew I was.

"Habibie." I said turning my face in her direction. She did not look up at me. "Little pea." I tried again.

Still nothing.

"Jasmine, would you please look at me." I whispered. She slightly turned her head. Her huge cat-like green eyes were holding mine. I felt my lungs fill with air again and I could finally breathe.

"Can we please talk before I have to go to university today?"

"What is there left to say?" She said unmoved by my presence.