Chapter 110 - I Want To Ride You Again

Jasmine

Benjamin woke me up.

I felt like I had a hangover from last night. Not that I drank any alcohol, but I felt the same kind of shame I had after that one night in New York.

Why had I come here in the first place? It was a spur in the moment thing and kind of stupid, now I thought clearly.

He was still staring at me.

"How are you feeling Jasmine?" He asked me. "Why do you keep insisting on calling me Jasmine, I have never heard you say my name that much before." I said a bit grumpy.

Benjamin cocked his head to the side, looking curious. "What do you want me to call you then?" He challenged me. I shook my head. I hadn't thought this through either.

"Something else, I don't know. Anything… it sounds so…" I made a yukki face.

"Soo…" He prompted. "Distant." I decided it sounded like. Benjamin pouted his lips, with a hint of a smile.

"Well Jasmine, I have ordered you some food." He said teasing me by saying my name again. "I don't want to eat right now, I feel a bit nauseous." I said as I felt like vomiting. I stumbled out of bed and run to the bathroom.

It felt like my insides came out. Benjamin followed me to the bathroom and held back my hair as my stomach was pumping itself empty.

I hung over the toilet seat until I felt relieved. Benjamin walked outside of the bathroom and returned with my hair ribbon. He tied my hair into a ponytail and helped me up. As we stood together before the sink, he washed my face.

Benjamin scrutinized my face and touched the tip of my nose. "Do you feel a bit better now?" He sounded worried.

"Yes." I managed to say.

"Have you felt like this before?" He asked me. I shook my head, that was not the case. "Mhh…" He mused.

He took a teeth brush and brushed my teeth. I liked that he took care of me like that. I had forgotten how wanted he always made me feel.

"You should take a shower, we are flying to New York to see a doctor." He said. "Can you help me in the shower?" I asked. "I feel dizzy." I admitted. And… I did not like the wall that was still between us.

Benjamin opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again. "I think it is better if you do that yourself." He said almost pulling his hair out. "It's not because I would be naked right? Because I have been naked since last night." I frowned.

Benjamin closed one of his eyes and looked at me. He looked funny. He shook his head like he did not know what to do with me.

"Fine." He simply said.

We walked to the walk-in shower and he turned on the water. "Come, it is warm." He gestured for me to come in. "Aren't you going to take that off?" I asked him, putting my hands on his boxers. "No." He said as he took my hands off of it.

I frowned. He was behaving weird. "Can you wash my hair?" I asked. "Mhh hhh…" He said and picked up a shampoo bottle.

He massaged the skin of my head and I let myself lean back, towards his chest. I had expected him to wrap his arms around me, but he did not. "Can you wash my body as well?" I asked, turning around a little to look at his hazel eyes.

He swallowed. "Please…" I said and fluttered my lashes. He grumbled under his breath. "Sure." He said. Benjamin washed my arms, back and legs.. He stayed clear of my breasts and belly. I turned around.

"I am not clean yet." I said as I took both his soapy hands and pressed them to my breasts. He shook his head. "Jazz…" He muttered. I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in to kiss him. His lips moves against mine, but then he abruptly put space between us.

"I really don't want to do this." He said. I felt an ache on my chest. "Oh… " I said and my face fell. I did not dare to look at him. "I'm sorry." He breathed and he tilted my face to look at him.

"I soo… desire to be with you right now." I said shame coloring my face. "I can't think of anything else right now." I looked at him pleadingly.

He licked his lips. "I will give you the release you yearn for, but that is it." He said stern. I deeply kissed him and guided his hands, while holding his gaze. I looked down to his underwear and he was not fooling me.

His fingers stroke me on my most sensitive flesh and I gasped with pleasure. "I love it when you touch me like that." I said hoping that if I gave him what he always wanted, which was; me telling him how I felt when we were sharing this moment, that he would break down his wall.

"Ben.." I murmured in his ear. ""Yes." He said hoarse. "Please go a little faster…" I moaned. He looked at me and I knew he was moments away from losing himself. I kissed the skin of his neck and I felt his wall crumble as his pace went faster.

He slowly inserted a finger and I looked at him, pleadingly. "Please take me." I breathed in his mouth. Benjamin let his head back against the wall closing his eyes.

He seemed like he was concentration on something. He opened his eyes and bent down to the ground under me. He spread my legs as he sat in between them and brought his lips to my flesh.

"Ooah.." My breathing spiked. "That's unfair." I muttered. He was cheating. "Tell me about things that are unfair." He dared me. "You want to cum, I will make you cum and make you scream in the process." He warned me. 

He sucked and licked, and sucked me in a rhythm that made me unable so breathe in a consistent way. Then he pushed a finger in me, adding pressure. I surrendered myself to him.

Ben groaned a little and I tangled my hands in his hair, urging him to continue. The warm water surrounded when I felt like I was going to lose all control.

"Oh please Ben… I want to feel like I did then… Please…" I said. "How do you want to feel?" He asked and then sucked me hard again.

"I want to you within me." I pleaded. "You do?" He said husky. "Yes have me, I am yours." I begged. He did not give me what I asked for, as his pace

became quicker and he sucked me with force. "Ohh.. I love you so… ahh Ben.. mhh rrhhhuuu Ben Please…" I muttered as my body tensed up.

"Please come up.. I want to ride you again…" I said out of breath, thinking of the last time. I wanted that again.

I felt a spasm going through my body as I peaked. "Aaaahhh oorhhgg." I shouted. My whole body shivered. Benjamin gave me one last kiss in between my legs and stood up. He washed his mouth and brushed his teeth again, while watching me closely.

Although I got the release I asked for, I did not feel satisfied, the way I always did when we were together like this. I started to cry.

Benjamin frowned. "Why are you crying?" He asked confused. "Because… I don't know.." I sobbed. "Because this was different… it felt so…" I could not give it a name.

"Distant." He felt in the blanks for me. 'Yes' I nodded. Benjamin made a face and stroke his hand through his hair.

"Well this.." Benjamin said as he walked up to me and put his hands in between my legs again. He Slowly rubbed my way too sensitive skin after the release. "My dear Jasmine." He said intently looking into my eyes.

"Is what you call sex." He said coldly.

I swallowed. "What do you mean?" I shrieked in shock. "I mean that sex is just a sexual exchange, without any deep emotion. Just the lust you feel until one reaches a release." He said touching the tip of my nose again.

"It is very much different then two people loving each other so much, that they want nothing more to be close to one another. So close that you literally climb inside your spouse, because you can't stand the distance. Much different than feeling so utterly satisfied when your partner reached an orgasm, that you want to shower them with love all over again."

I was silent.

"Sex." He said as he tilted my face up. "Is about the result, the release. Nothing more." He shrugged. "While making love… is about how you and your spouse get there… " He said and then got out of the shower.

He turned the shower off and I felt like crying again. Benjamin took a towel and gestured for me to come to him. He dried me off gently and caressed my stomach.

"Our plane is waiting for us." He said from behind me. "We are going to see if our child is healthy.." He said.