Chapter 135 - True Strength

Benjamin

Advisors came in and our my office, from the moment I arrived back in the palace.

Security in the palace had risen to maximum. But even I knew, that the most threat came from inside these walls.

I had been thinking about that for a long time. In some countries the king does not live in the same 'house' as their family members, those each live on their own. That would probably anger my family members, for reasons, I could really not understand.

Or maybe I could, because before I came on the throne, succession was not according to who was first born and so forth, but trough favoritism within a family. In my case, it made my family more then corrupt. 

I should  of realized that instead of easing the situation, I had just put a bounty on my and my wife's head by changing the succession. From my coronation on, only my oldest born could inherit my title and the throne, should that oldest be a son. 

I agreed that queen's made good rulers as well, but that was taking my drive to change the world, or at least this country, a bit too far. 

I sighed and walked up and down my office. It smelt like my grandfather's cigars, combined with dark wood. 

"Ah, you are walking around like a polar bear again." Saphira smiled as she walked in my office. She was dressed in Arabic clothing, I had never really seen her like this. 

It was very odd.

"What?!" She asked insecure. "Do I look that horrible?" She said and fidgeted with her deep blue, floor length dress. 

"Not at all." I said and swallowed visibly. 

Saphira walked towards my desk, and I followed her with my eyes. She came to sit on my desk, like one of those secretaries that went a bit overboard.

I suppressed my laughter and scratched the back of my head.

"Saph… I uhm… Do not really have the time to chat right now." I said being honest. Saphira pouted her lips. "I need to go see Jasmine in…" I looked at my watch. "A minute." I told her. 

"Will she ever wake up from the coma?" She asked me. It did not sound completely like she was concerned for Jazz. "Well… She is not really in a coma… the doctors are merely keeping her asleep until her lungs are recovered." I told her, thinking about my wife.

I had slept next to her, on a hospital bed last night. I could not stand the idea of her being alone. 

They had removed our baby's, because her body did not let go on it's own…. In Saudi Arabia, one must bury the dead within 24 hours, so there were two small graves being dug as we spoke.

Tears welled up in my eyes, and as it was since the moment I had arrived, I could not hide them. They completely took me over.

I turned my back on Saphira, not wanting her to see me like this. We will burry our children under our willow. It was our safe place, Jasmine and mine. It was a tree filled with love. 

"How long will that take?" Saphira asked me. "A couple of weeks." I said, my voice betraying me.

"Are you alright?" Saphira asked me as she walked up to me. Standing behind me, she touched my arm. I shook her off. 

Saphira sighed and then turned around to look at me. "You are crying." She whispered. I just stared at her. I did not have the strength to hold back my tears, so I did not. 

My grandfather suddenly came in the room. "Son, showing your feelings to whomever, are not the best actions you could take right now. For many reasons." He said eying Saphira.

"May God's peace forever be upon you grandfather, but I think that ironically, many of the behaviors often associated with weakness in this country, are actually a sign of strength. Our culture often values  'toughness' over 'true strength', so well…" I spoke.

"Benjamin, you are not a woman, no one needs to see you cry." He told me stern.

""Needing help. Feeling sad. Being sick. Seeking advice. Getting rest. None of those are signs of weakness. They are signs that you are ALIVE." I said with authority.

"Ben…" My grandfather said taking pity on me. 

Saphira

"It is time." Benjamin's grandfather said to him. "Can I come with you?" I asked Benjamin. 

I found it strange that he would have a funeral, for embryo's, that could not survive out of the womb anyway. It must have been a culture thing. The strangest thing was that he did not invite anyone, it seemed. 

"No!" Benjamin's grandfather said harsh. Benjamin turned to look at me. "What my grandfather meant." He said apologetic. "Is that burying the dead, is a man's business in Saudi Arabia." He spoke carefully.

"If you want to honor my Jasmine." He spoke her name deliberately, trying to make a point to me. "And our children, you can mourn them with the woman of my family." He said. 

"They will be gathering in the hospital hall, where Jazz is." He added. 

I held up my shoulders, feeling unsure.

"We need to go." His grandfather said padding at his shoulder.

He had left me alone in his office. I looked around. 

There was this huge painting of Jasmine. I hated the fact that her face seemed too perfect. She had these full lips, that were pink without any make-up. The most absurd small nose and gigantic eyes. 

Her hair seemed like gold or something. Benjamin had called them 'honeycombs'. Yuck. She did not even have to work hard to be this pretty, and I hated her for it.

"She is beautiful, isn't she." I heard someone say from behind me. I lowly turned around. I saw a woman with long black hair, very dark eyes. She reminded me a little of Sierra. 

"Y-yes.. I guess. She is kinda." I admitted. "The king had fallen for her, the moment he met her." The woman told me. I balled my fists. 

"Really?" I asked, not necessarily wanting to hear this tale. "Yes… I had never seen him like that… His eye on one woman only. From the moment he met her, no one else seemed to compare." She said with a heavy Arabic accent.

I fumbled with my fingers. I no longer wanted to be in this room. But she was standing near the doorway, so there was no escape for me. 

"But she did not want him." I whispered. Not like I wanted him. The woman seemed to size me up. I was wondering who she was. She looked like Benjamin, in some kind of way. 

"It was not like she did not want him… that was… " The woman narrowed her eyes, and seemed to be thinking. "Rather complicated, for so many reasons really." She admitted. 

See, they we and are not the greatest couple. "Are you related to Benjamin or, maybe Jasmine?" I asked her. I did not like her playing games with me.

"Yes." She told me not answering my question. "Benjamin's or Jasmine's side of the family?" I asked her.

"I am princess." She said the last like a bell that rang. "Raina and I am Benjamin's cousin, as well as Jasmine's family, since she is his wife." She said in a lecturing tone. It seemed that like ran in the family.

"Ah, I see." I told her. "Well…" Raina pressed. She seemed like she was waiting for something, but I totally had no clue.

"Yes…?!" I asked her doubtful. "You must be a peasant." She told me. What the heck was she talking about. It sounded like she called me something rude, but I did not understand what it was she was saying, or trying to point out.

"A commoner." She said when she saw that I did not understand what she was saying. "Oh." I mouthed. 

"So…!" She pressed as I had clearly missed something. "For heaven's sake, aren't you going to bow down?!" She hissed. 

My heart almost stopped. It was I that was being rude… it never dawned on me that I was in the presence of princes, princesses, Sultans or kings, or however you called them here. 

"So, so… I am so sorry." P-p-prince- princes Raina." I said stuttering. I tried to make a curtsy like I had seen in a movie Benjamin had made me watch sometimes. One of those fairytale movies I had hated before and she began to laugh. 

That Raina Laughed so loud, I grew uncomfortable. Her Voice sounded high pitched and it hurt my hearing. 

"Get up." She flatly said. 

I was grateful, because it kinda started to hurt. "Who are you?" She asked. I knew that she knew who I was. So why was she asking me this?!

"I am Saphira." I told her. "Saphira…?" She gestured her hand, like that still did not mean anything to her.

"I think." I said. I remembered Sierra talk about Raina. It was Benjamin's favorite cousin, if I remembered correctly. 

"I think you know who I am, I am the one who Benjamin wanted to marry, before Benjamin felt obligated to marry Jasmine, the second time around."