Chapter 151 - I Don't Want To Be Alone

"Can I change first?" Jazz softly asked, eyeing her hospital gown. I brushed my fingers through her honeycomb hair. 

"I'll ask one of the maid to fedge something." I told her as I stood up. "About that…" She almost whispered. "Did you fire them all?" She questioned me.

I did not know what she meant. I stared at her, trying to reck my brain around it. "Oh.. " I said as I wiped my hand across my face. "No, I am sorry Habib… it has not been on my mind to do." I said in all honesty.

I had promised her to let go of all the maids I had once slept with. "I uhm… changed my mind about it." She said. I cocked my head to the side, looking at her.

She seemed really pale today. "What do you mean love?" I asked her. "I don't know." She faintly shrugged. "I think I just need to trust you… " She said. "We have lost so much together and I.." She gulped for air.

"I need to trust you." She slightly smiled. "You are my husband." She breathed. My heart almost dropped to the floor. It was like fate was taunting me, for whatever reason. She did not trust me the whole time I needed her to trust me and the minute I was not worthy… then she decided to trust me.

I walked back to her and kissed her forehead. "I am." I said as I kissed the temple of her face. 

"I need to go see Jacob and Jaya." Jasmine said as she pulled me towards her, grabbing a fistful of my thobe. I looked at her hand and smiled at her. "I can see that your strength is returning." I said as I kissed her knuckles. I never asked her how she got those names.

I slightly turned my head to Naïma. I did not want to make her uncomfortable, because Jasmine seemed to forget her sister's presence. 

Jasmine blushed. I shook my head teasingly. "You are something alright." I breathed against her fingers.

"You need to give me a minute, in order to accomplish that…" I told her. They were buried under the willow. I could hardly roll her bed across the landscape. 

I wanted to go and arrange it all. Pulling back from her, she grabbed me once again. I frowned. "What's the matter little pea?" I asked her. 

"I do not want to be alone." She said with pleading eyes. "Stay with me." She uttered. I sighed heavily and went to sit back on her bed again. 

I traced the dark shadows under her eyes. "But you are not alone." I said eyeing Naïma. "I haven't seen you for most of the day… and to be honest… you were gone for .. how many days?!" She asked Naïma. 

"Three." Naïma offered. "Where were you?" She asked. I ran my hand through my hair. I felt so utterly ashamed.

"I uhm.. well.. I almost drank myself in coma." I said in all honesty. "Almost losing you.. and losing our twins." I said breathing shallowly. "It has affected me." I said scraping my throat. 

"I am sorry.. I should have been with you." I said kissing her cheek. Jasmine pulled me closer. It was like she was smelling my neck. 

"You smell different." She said intently looking into my eyes. Guilt washed over me. "How so?" I asked trying to sound light.

"Just please stay with me." She pleaded again. I had a hard time swallowing. I felt like she knew. She could not. But I truly felt like she did anyway. 

I sighed. "You and I will be alone together for eight weeks." I smiled at her. "That's good." She said. "But I do not want you to leave me now anyway." She said fluttering her long eyelashes. 

"Okay." I surrendered. 

"But I-" I tried again. "No." She demanded. There was something in her eyes. 

"Where are we going again?" She asked. "Your guess is as good as mine." I shrugged. 

"You will be flying to Cyprus, to where your yacht lays now and you will tour the Mediterranean sea for the coming weeks." My grandfather said interrupting us, by walking in.

I felt annoyed by his constant interference.

"Grandfather, I want to go see the graves of my twins." She said in a shallow voice. "For you, I will arrange anything my dear." He said as he came closer to her and kissed her forehead.

I did not like there closeness, because I knew my grandfather had wandering eyes. "Grandfather, how are we going to get her there?" I voiced my question.

"It is already being arranged." He told me. A maid walked in, baring a dark green dress and a bag. 

"Let's leave Jasmine  to change her outfit." My grandfather told us to leave. I stood up and walked to the door.

"You do not need to leave." Jasmine called after me. I turned around and sighed. 

I walked back to her. Everyone left except for a nurse who walked in and two of her maids. "Can you help me change?" She asked me. I felt too guilty to be around her. The guilt seemed to consume me and I was still very much intoxicated by the alcohol in my system.

"Sure." I said. "If the nurse can offer assistance, so that I don't accidently meddle with you wires." I said eying her IV.

I helped her sit right. "Are you okay?" She asked me. I did not really know how to answer that. I could hardly tell her the truth. 

"What's wrong?" She asked me. Her lips trembled. I looked up to the ceiling, contemplating how to answer her. "Honey, I really really drank too much." I told her. "I uhm.. I am not really sober yet." I said in all honesty. 

"Come here." She ordered me, pulling me down with her grip on my thobe. I slightly smiled at that. 

Her lips commanded me to kiss her. She looked like she was asking for it, but I could not do that. My lips felt utterly unclean and certainly unworthy of her.

I quickly kissed her forehead, and Jasmine eyed me suspiciously.