"Well... I don't know what the police said. If you really care, come back and see for yourself." Liu Mang then hung up.
I closed my eyes and two lines of clear tears streamed down my cheeks. How can I go back? I can't go back at all.!
"Chen Qing, what's wrong with you?" Yun Yang asked with concern when he saw my pained expression.
I turned around and hugged her, crying loudly. Why is life full of helplessness, why are people so fragile?! I want to cry, I want to cry out all the pain in my heart.
It took me some time to stop crying.
"Yun Yang, I want to eat." I sniffed.
"Wait for me. I'll make it for you right away." As she comforted me, she went to the kitchen. "We kids who have been planning to go abroad since we were young need to learn not only self-defense but also cooking. I have been abroad for years and chinese food is getting better and better."
I couldn't laugh at her. I wasn't very sad after crying. My dad hadn't appeared in my life in the past few years, and I didn't plan to let him appear in the future. I shouldn't be so sad if he died.
But there seemed to be a place in my heart that was bleeding. I kept covering the wound, and it still oozed blood.
"Chen Qing, if you really want to go back, go back." Yun Yang's eyes were filled with sympathy.
I shook my head. "I can't go back. There's no need to go back."
"But your father..." She hesitated.
"He gave birth to me and raised me, but I don't think I owe him." I tugged at the corner of my mouth. "We haven't been in touch for so many years. It doesn't make any difference whether we live or die."
Yun Yang curled her lips. "Well, I don't know about your family, so I won't say much. I don't know why I always think you're worried about the domestic affairs. Although you live like me every day, play and laugh, I don't think you're happy."
"My life is now in a transition period. I have no family, no dreams, not even a goal that I can fight for. I have no ambition to live. Do you understand?"
She shook her head.
I gave up on the idea of telling her this. She grew up in a circle her parents had designed for her. She was different from me.
Yun Yang made dinner. We had dinner together. I washed the dishes, she played games, and there were classes in the afternoon. We had to go out before 1: 30.
I looked at the old clock on the wall. "Pack up and go."
She froze. "Still going to class? I thought you were taking a day off today, and I was ready to stay with you."
"I think you don't want to go to class. It's a professional class in the afternoon. You can't run away. Besides, it's not necessarily good for me to stay at home. I want to go out for a walk."
Yun Yang got up from the sofa. "Whatever you say, whatever you say."
We went to school and took professional classes in the big classroom as usual. I knew I wouldn't listen well and I knew I would stare at the professor in a daze, but I couldn't sit here. I was afraid of being quiet, afraid of being alone.
There were very few classes today, and the class was over at four o' clock. I asked yun yang if he had any plans, and she was shocked.
"Chen Qing, admit it. You're in a bad mood today. You didn't even bother to go out when I told you to. Is it so unusual today?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm in a bad mood."
Yun Yang circled around me and whispered in my ear, "Let's go. I'll take you somewhere."
Before I could ask where she was, she got into the car. Here, the police were very lax about driving without a driver's license. It was common for Yun Yang to drive every day without a formal exam.
The bars here are different from the ones in the country. They are crowded and look a bit like the subway rush hour.
"Is there so many people at this point now?" I was surprised.
Yun Yang looked excited. "Yes, and most of the people here are very young. Chen Qing, we agreed that you would treat us today."
I smiled to show that there was no problem.
I needed this noise and excitement to calm the mess in my head. I indulged myself and started drinking. One after another, I drank until I was dizzy.
Yun Yang didn't run around this time and didn't leave me alone. She sat next to me and took photos of me without stopping her from flirting with the handsome guy next to her.
Someone came up and offered me a drink, but I didn't refuse. I said to the bartender, "Give this gentleman two glasses of the same wine. Put the money on my account."
The other party's face was a little ugly, but he could only force himself to drink the wine I bought him.
After drinking, I watched him lie on the bar.
"I've seen a lot of women who want to drink hard liquor." I suddenly got angry. Why didn't I become a clerk before? I had to be a salesman. After two or three years of work, I didn't learn anything. Instead, my drinking skills improved day by day.
It costs more to get drunk than anyone else.
Almost finished. I suggested going home. Yun Yang held me up. "Are you okay?"
"Nothing." I'm actually quite clear-headed, just a little floating under my feet.
Yun Yang didn't drink much. She drove me home, and I climbed into the back seat with great worry and fastened my seat belt.
When I got home, I was hungry and my stomach was burning. She ordered pizza, hamburgers, and a pile of junk food. I couldn't care less and stuffed everything I wanted into my stomach.
When I was full, I went to take a shower. After a shower, I didn't want to think about anything. I went to bed and fell asleep.
I used to despise people who lived a decadent life, and now I want to be that kind of person.
The next day, we honorably skipped class and slept the whole morning. It was noon when we woke up, so I decided to skip the afternoon classes and order a bunch of food at home with Yun Yang.
"Chen Qing, I don't even know you. Didn't you despise me for eating so much? Why are you always eating junk food with me now?" Yun Yang asked with a chip in his mouth.
I waved my hand. "I was ignorant before. These junk food are so delicious. You can eat as much as you want. There's change on the plate on the shoe cabinet. It's not enough for you to order."
Yun Yang was so touched that his eyes sparkled. "I suddenly hope you're not in a good mood any day."
"Get lost." I gave her a blank look and continued eating and drinking.
I spent a week like this. If Yun Yang hadn't reminded me, I wouldn't have known a week had passed.
A week later, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt very strange. It was as if I didn't know who I was now. She wasn't what I wanted, nor was she me.
"Yun Yang, I'm going to cut my hair and buy clothes. Do you want to come with me?"
"Yes!" She cheered happily after me and said, "By the way, there's always someone calling you these days. I picked them up. He said something was sent to you, so I told him the address."