Chapter 144 - Too Many Secrets

ETAN

Etan sighed heavily. It felt like an iron band had been twisted around his chest and was slowly tightening. "I hate this, Borsche. Hate it to my bones. But it's going to get worse."

"What? How?" Borsche pulled his head back, eyeing Etan warily.

Etan swallowed. "Because I have to ask you to lie to Falek as well."

"Absolutely not," Borsche snarled. "He is utterly necessary to keeping Ayleth safe!"

Etan raised his hands. "You have to see that Falek is loyal to her and her well-being. She'll be eviscerated by this, Borsche. If she believes it—we have to make her believe it. She is discreet, but she also wears her heart on her sleeve. Her mother knows her too well. If Ayleth knows I'm returning she won't be hurt enough and her mother will know."

"Falek can know. He can be our failsafe—"

"I want you to imagine knowing that and watching her break and cry and… imagine not telling her that you know it be fine when her heart is torn from her chest? Please, Borsche… imagine how difficult it would be—he will end up telling her to comfort her. And on top of this, his own reactions will be… adjusted by the knowledge. When we return for her there can be no hint—"

"He is an ally—a very necessary ally!"

"Ally or not, I will not risk her life for the sake of her feelings!" Etan snapped. "He loves her, Borsche—like a brother. He will be enraged and hurt by her pain. He will be indignant. He will also be at risk because he has been a traitor to his own King. He must remain deceived that we are only delaying the announcement so that he keeps Ayleth under control. But when we leave… he must believe it as well. It is the only way to ensure that his actions and decisions match the circumstances."

"He will come for you—avenge her!"

"Let him! If we can get him away from the Palace I would be happy to fill him in, but—" 

"He would assassinate you before you even knew he was watching you. The man is far more skilled than he lets on, Etan. Do not underestimate—"

"I don't. But I know he will want me to know that he is taking my honor—and that will give me time to tell him, if it comes to that."

"If it comes to—Etan, have you lost your mind?!" Borsche's hands flailed. It was the most unsettled Etan had ever seen him. "I can't leave you in a position that that man might come for your life! Then I would be a traitor to my crown!"

"It is an order, Borsche. You fill Falek and Ayleth in only as far as the plan up to the announcement of Unions at the feast after the Accord is signed. The Queen will only believe them deceived then if they actually were. She has… she has ways of seeking the truth, Borsche."

"But—"

"Please!" Etan snarled. "You know this breaks me. You know I want nothing less than to hurt Ayleth. But this is her life—and likely Falek's as well—unless we handle this correctly. There is no way around it. He cannot be allowed into the full picture. We… we have to take the risk that she sends him after me. We have to pray for the Father's protection." Etan swallowed as Borsche just gaped at him. "Please." He let all his fear and grief over what they faced to show in his eyes and Borsche's forehead pinched into lines. 

"You sentence them both to… to shame, self-loathing… they will believe themselves fooled."

Etan nodded. "And when we explain after the fact, they will agree that there was no other choice. Too many lives are at stake, Borsche. I know—I am certain—that if Ayleth were in my shoes she would make the same decision. She would hate it as I do. But she would do it to save the innocent lives of her people, and to keep me safe until she was able to intervene to help me. I am certain of it," he repeated.

They stared at each other, both pained and angry and a little bit desperate. But Etan sighed with relief when Borsche finally nodded, though he looked anything but happy to agree.

"I agree that she would take the same action to deceive the Queen," Borsche said quietly. "But I am not convinced that she wouldn't leave you some hope, Etan. I believe she would trust you to maintain the deception. And if you continue on this path, you may one day have to answer for why you did not trust her to do the same."

Etan's jaw tightened. He struggled to open his mouth to speak. "Then that is a risk I will take," he muttered. "Her life is even more important to me than her heart," he said, biting back a wince. "I have never claimed to do everything correctly, but I will answer those charges with a clear conscience. I know I do none of this because I welcome it or would choose it. It is entirely for the purpose of keeping her safe from mortal danger. And I will return for her, Borsche. Or die trying."

Borsche sighed heavily then nodded again. "Very well. Then we are decided. I will hold the marriage license close in case there is need for proof later."

Etan nodded. "Which reminds me, we need to warn Jareth. The Queen claimed that she'd already killed him, but I suspect she was lying, trying to trip me into identifying him. Can you get word to him discreetly?"

Borsche's shoulders rose and fell with his unease. "Yes, I can."

"Good. That has to be our first priority. That and a message to Ayleth from me, to keep her from seeking me out before the Signing of the Peace Accord. We simply can't risk it."

Borsche's lips pressed thin, but he followed Etan to the writing desk in the corner and waited while he wrote his messages.

When Etan had finished scrawling them, he offered them to Borsche, then smiled grimly at the older man. "Thank you," he said. "I couldn't do any of this without you."

"Don't remind me," Borsche said, but he clasped Etan's arm, then flowed out of the room. 

***** 

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