Chapter 147 - Countdown To Peace - Part 3

ETAN

"A journey… to Summitras?" Sarya's eyes were wide and searching his.

"In part," Etan confirmed, his heart aching as the thought of Ayleth's face if she heard this conversation. "What I have found during my time of reflection, Sarya, is that I have become… disillusioned with politics."

Sarya gave a soft snort. "Only just now?" she asked skeptically.

Etan gave a soft chuckle. "No, of course not. I think… I think you and I have danced around the true picture since we arrived, have we not?" he said, hating himself for the manipulation.

"I'll admit, I thought you were using the political machine to your advantage, Etan," she said. "I thought our unspoken words confirmed that you were… otherwise engaged."

"They did," he admitted. "For a time. But it has recently become clear to me that my future does not lie ahead in the direction that I once thought," he lied, his stomach churning at the light that flared in her gaze. "I will not deny that I have been wounded, Sarya. I have been desperately focused and…" he trailed off, looking for any way to bring Sarya into this without harming her. "I am not the man I was when I arrived," he said ruefully—and entirely honestly, though she wouldn't understand. "My fortunes have changed and I find myself tired of the games—even more tired than I was. Unwilling, any longer, to play them. Marriage for those such as us is more often a relationship of convenience and power is it not?"

She nodded, the light her eyes beginning to die, which was a relief. 

"And so, I turned my mind to finding not a love, not a romantic connection, but instead a partner. Someone whose mind is capable of challenging mine. Someone whose Kingdom is not… vile. And someone who I will still be able to smile with in twenty years. You were the friend that came to mind." No matter that he needed her to agree, he didn't want to tempt her into believing they were going to have any kind of physical relationship. 

Sarya dropped her chin and her eyes, staring at her hands, clasping and unclasping at her waist. "I see."

"I sent my parents because I did not want to deceive you, Sarya. But I am glad for this opportunity to speak so that you might make your final decision with clarity: I propose that we announce tomorrow evening, after the signing, then leave for Summitras the day after. With the entire Court to move, we have weeks of travel ahead. That is time that you and I can use to make certain that we… suit. And if we do not, for any reason, I will take full responsibility. When the contract is called off, it will be to my detriment—not that that really matters in this Kingdom, regardless," he said dryly. "The Zenithrans would gladly welcome any Kingdom that has further proof of the evil of Summitras, would they not? I do not believe you can be harmed by this. And if we reach Summitras and are not suited, you may return to your own Kingdom—or anywhere you like, free to marry as you please."

"And if one of us wishes to marry, but the other does not?" she asked in a small voice that sent the chill of cold through Etan's chest. 

"Then we will not—and officially we will announce the reasons such as to make the fault lie with me."

Sarya was standing very close to him. She raised her head again and found his eyes in the dark. "That is very generous of you."

Etan shook his head. "I am embarrassed that it has taken me this long to see the way forward," he said stiffly. "I cannot give you any excuse except that I am at fault. So I apologize that you have missed out the courting and other traditions. I did not wish to steal that from you," he said genuinely.

Her face softened. "Then I accept."

Etan blinked. That easily? That quickly? "Are you certain? You are welcome to sleep on it overnight, speak to your parents, and—"

"Stop, Etan," she said, putting a hand to his chest. It was such a shock to feel a touch that wasn't Ayleths, that Etan froze for a moment. "The truth is that I wished for a union with you even prior," she admitted, dropping her eyes to her hand, then looking up at him through her lashes in the first coquettish move he had seen from her.

He didn't like it. In fact, everything about this conversation did nothing but make his skin crawl—not because of poor Sarya, but because he was lying and she was going to hurt for it, he knew. 

Unable to stomach himself, he lifted his hand to hers, pulling it from his chest, but bowing over it. "Thank you," he said gravely. "Thank you for your offering of honesty. I think… I think if nothing else our friendship will endure these events, don't you?"

She blinked, clearly taken aback by his sudden distance, but he was worried if he tried to kiss her hand he might actually vomit on it. 

"If you are certain, Sarya, then I will return you to the feast. I still must step very carefully to ensure my Kingdom is included in the signing tomorrow. Please, forgive me for being abrupt, but I will allow you to return first so that you are seen to be safe and alone."

She curtseyed, not pulling her hand from his grip, but he released it anyhow. 

"Then I suppose I will see you tomorrow?" she asked quietly, tonelessly.

"Yes."

"Thank you, Etan. Thank you for explaining. And thank you for asking for me. I am certain we will make this work for us."

Etan nodded as she stepped around him and back onto the path to sway her way back to the door. He watched as she disappeared inside with no glance back for him, and he was relieved.

Then he was finally alone. 

He should go back to the feast, he knew. But the idea of returning there, able to see Ayleth but not touch her. To have no say in who touched her or spoke to her. To watch that black widow of a mother stand over her with a smile offering her daughter up on a plate… he shuddered with the force of his desire to rip her out of her parent's arms and flee.

If only it wouldn't kill her, he would have done it, he realized. 

Peace Accord be damned.

Instead, he walked deeper into the garden, towards the trees and prayed none of the other nobles had snuck out there just then. 

*****

NOTE: Updates will now publish for FORBIDDEN PRINCE every Monday (in the US)/Tuesday (elsewhere). There will be a minimum of 2 chapters per week.. I apologize that we lost a couple of weeks there, but as I had to complete the writing for KING OF BEASTS, there was no extra time. I hope you enjoyed the five catch up chapters, and I will do my best to make sure you don't miss a week again! THANK YOU for not giving up on me, Ayleth, and Etan!