169 Chapter 169: Guilt and Regre

Julian raised his eyebrows in surprise. His eyes widening when he saw the small sad smile on her face. Freya looked at him and smiled when she saw the surprise on his face.

She bit her lips when she thought of how people stopped talking about her brother just days past his death. Eventually the name 'Hezekiah' and the title 'Crown Prince' soon became a taboo that went on for years.

She had never paid attention to it until a year after his death. She wanted to ask her parents whether she could go visit him but that day everyone surprised her. Her parents acted normally as if they had nothing else to do. Her father performed his duties while her mother did her tea party.

That's when it hit her... they haven't mentioned anything about her brother since that night. 

Freya was surprised and shocked by the realization that she ran off to her place which solely belonged to her brother and her. 

The meadow near the forest.

She sat there gazing at the flowers sadly as she remembered her brother's conversations when a shadow stopped beside her. She sighed before turning to the boy she had rescued a couple of months back.

"Jinha"

The boy looked at her for a second before sitting by her side. He took her hand in his as he mumbled, "Queen Merlene had rushed out of her party when she noticed you running out."

Freya froze when she saw him observing her. He asked quietly, "Do you want to go?"

Freya squeezed his hand tightly as she remained silent. She understood what he was trying to tell her. She did but at the time she wasn't sure whether she wanted to know.

Before she could make up her mind, Jinha pulled her up. He mumbled while pulling her out of the meadow, "Let's go"

Freya looked at the small back as her eyes welled up. She sniffed slightly and looked at their intertwined hands. She squeezed his hand slightly and felt his body stiffen. He returned the squeeze after a second making the barriers around her heart slowly crumble down.

They reached the royal cemetery where all of her ancestors rested. They nodded at the guards stationed at the door before proceeding to enter the building. As soon as they entered, Freya gripped Jinha's hands tightly making the latter purse his lips. 

Rows and rows of tombs laid adjacent to their sides, all named with her ancestor names. At the far end of the line, was an opening to another hall. Freya's eyes widened when she saw her grandmother's name at the last tomb on the line. 

Her eyes looked at the huge opening, hesitating to follow the path. Jinha gently pulled her along but soon she stopped when she saw her mother crying her heart out in front of a white and gold tomb which had her brother's name written in blocks. 

'Was she holding it in for me?' 

Somehow that thought disturbed her that she pulled Jinha's hand and exited the building. She didn't want her mother to see her and worry about her again. 

She finally realized how much they have been trying to protect her. Tears flowed down her cheeks, for the first time since that night, as she ran out of the cemetery. Her heart was in so much pain that her lips kept mumbling the same word, "Brother"

When she felt familiar arms around her waist, she closed her eyes before she turned around and hugged Jinha as she wailed loudly.

Returning to the present, Freya pursed her lips at Julian, waiting for him to react. Julian widened his eyes as he stared at her in shock. He couldn't believe that his daughter would mention it after years of not using it. He was close to being careful in never bringing up a topic related to Hezekiah. 

He even passed an order around the castle, prohibiting everyone from uttering about the late Crown Prince. His heart swelled in emotions unknown to him until tears slipped through his eyes.

Startled, Julian chuckled lightly as he wiped his tears, "Oh why am I crying now?" but the tears never failed to stop. He didn't know what to feel as his heart ached for both his daughter and his older son. 

He saw a snowy white hand approaching him and wiped his tears away lightly. He looked up at the glistening emerald eyes which resembled his.

"I am sorry, Father" Freya's lips trembled as she gazed at her dear Father, "I am sorry that I made it hard for you to mourn for your loss"

Julian quickly held her hand with his trembling hands.

"Don't apologize, Hazel. It was my fault"

Freya quickly shook her head and whispered gloomily, "No, it's mine." She looked at him and said, "You have only done what a parent would do for their child."

She sighed, "You wanted to protect me." 

Before Julian could deny everything, she added, "Only if I wasn't naive, then maybe my brother would have been here"

Julian pursed his lips as he squeezed her hands and muttered, "Hezekiah is always with us, Hazel"

Freya looked at him for a second before her lips curled up slightly. 

"Yeah..." He lives in our hearts.

Freya smiled as she remembered his gentle gaze and his smile whenever she threw a tantrum. How he patiently coaxed her! 

"I wish I hugged him tight and told him how much I loved him." 

Her lips trembled as she regretted how she wasted so many days with him for her. She wished she had spent more time with him rather than throwing a tantrum often. She wished she hadn't complained to him when he was busy. She wished she had grasped his hand and told him 'Sorry', when he came to visit her that night, instead of 'goodnight'.

Alas! 

Somethings cannot be changed no matter how much we desire.

'Only if she could turn back time and change things' 

Julian smiled softly, "He knew, Hazel. He treasured you so much and understood you more than anyone. He would know it without you telling him."

Freya lifted her lips into a smile she hoped was convincing enough for him. Julian's heart ached to see her lonely frame. He moved closer to her and hugged her to him. He kissed the top of her head as he said, "He would be proud of you if he saw you now."

Freya chuckled as she leaned her head on his shoulder. Both of them sat quietly, each immersed in their thoughts leaving Jinha and the grandmaster staring at each other.

After a few minutes, Freya heard her father's sulky voice, "So the brat, huh?"

Instantly, the room was filled with chuckles making the tension in the room disappear. Freya glanced at her Father who wore a grumpy expression. She nodded making Julian's face fall again. 

He grumpily asked, "Are you sure?"

Jinha raised his eyebrow at the king's useless persistent questions.

Freya chuckled and nodded making Julian press his lips to a thin line.

He mumbled, "That brat! he must enjoy taking things from me"

Freya burst out into fits of laughter easing Julian's expression a little. Seeing her smile so freely was reminding him of a very young Hazel who brought happiness to the castle. He rubbed her head fondly and said, with his voice laced with happiness, " Keep smiling, child"

Then he furrowed his brows as he asked her a grave question. 

"Do you think Hezekiah would have approved of that brat?"

Freya pondered over the question before a full-blown smile appeared on her face. She shook her head and said, "No"

Julian laughed, "I thought the same. The father and son never went wrong there." 

They were fully aware of how much of a sis-con he was. He used to glare at every boy who approached Hazel that it gave their mother a huge headache. Usui would have a hard time getting near Freya much less pursue her with Hezekiah present.

Freya pressed her lips to stop from smiling when she thought how her brother would have reacted if he comes to know how Usui had kissed her. Hell! he would have gone full icy mode if he saw her kissing him.

"I will come by later, Princess." He got up from her bed and looked at her and said sternly, "Stay and rest up"

Freya pouted at everyone who treated her as if she was made of glass. But, she knew better than to argue with her Father over this, so she timidly nodded making Jinha snort.

She threw a warning glare from the corner of her eyes before smiling at Julian. He nodded satisfied and glanced at Jinha and bowed a little to the old lady before he turned to leave. Right when he reached the door, he heard Hazel gasp.

He instantly turned around and saw her stare at him in worry.

"How's Rin?"

Julian exhaled after knowing that she gasped in worry. 

"That little brat is too disobedient. I never thought he would learn a few tricks when he wanted to learn fighting."

Julian rubbed his forehead when he remembered how close the brat was to his death. 

"We should thank Usui later. If it wasn't for him..." Julian didn't continue his words as everyone understood what he implied.

Freya pursed her lips as she nodded. She never thought Rin would have a strong sense of helplessness buried inside him. Even though she didn't see what he did, from the reaction of her father, she was sure he stirred some trouble. 

She only hoped he didn't stir some unwanted trouble!