Chapter 73 - Just Like That?

I woke up the next morning and did my Saturday routine just like I usually do by rolling out of bed, taking pictures of my stomach then began with my day.

I had been looking down on the ring on my finger all morning blushing and giggling for I had never received something like this before.

I was up late last nigh thinking of how I was going to break the news to him but unlike every scenario that I had before, all these endings would end up with us having our happily ever after.

I took a long time to choose my dress wanting to look good for him and also a dress where the baby was at least visible.

Sneakers were choice of footwear, as if I wear anything else, and then I got to my hair putting it into a high puff not having the energy to detangle it.

I even felt bold enough to try liquid eyeliner and it actually turned out pretty okay, well with a bunch of YouTube tutorials and many many failed attempts.

I gave my lashes volume by adding mascara then applied some lip balm before some of my special perfume before giving myself a once over in the mirror before deciding that I looked decent enough and then I was off to his apartment.

I decided on taking a taxi that day for I didn't have the patience to wait on the bus and the driver kept eyeing me in the rare view mirror as I was smiling down at my ring no doubt looking like a crazy person but I didn't care.

I was happy. I really was.

I arrived to his building much quicker than I had thought so now I was feeling nervous and having doubts as I paced the around in circles before entering the building.

I entered the elevator after giving polite nods and bows before entering the elevator taking a deep breath as I pushed the button for the penthouse floor.

The elevator dinged and there was no turning back now so I summoned all of my strength and stepped out taking one more deep breath before I raised my hand to knock, but as soon as my I raised my hand I retracted it and was about to run back to the elevator when I heard the door opened.

"Hey!" I heard a woman's voice call after me, "what are you doing?"

I froze in my tracks as if I had been caught red handed and I slowly turned around to see Harin standing there with her hands folded and when she saw that it was me, the creases in her forehead smoothed and now was replaced by her furrowing her eyebrows silently asking what was I doing here.

I wasn't going to tell her that I was pregnant for obvious reasons but I wasn't going to lie either.

"Harin. Hi" I said sweetly and she stepped closer.

"If you're looking for Shiwoo, which I am one hundred percent sure that you, he is not here." she said looking me up and down and I straightened my stance to show her that she doesn't intimidate me not one  bit.

"Well yes I obviously am, so where is he and when will he be back?"

She chuckled at my question and now I was the one furrowing my eyebrows wondering what was so funny.

She wiped a fake tear from her eye as if my question was genuinely the funniest thing she had heard and that left me feeling annoyed, "he is gone Atalia. Gone gone. He left the country and is never coming back. So run along now little one. I have some things to take care of before I meet him there. Oh its Russia by the way."

I felt the wind being knocked out of me as she spoke and to be honest, I would have liked it more if she had just punched me in the stomach. That would have hurt less.

I held back my tears and tried to control my breathing as I asked my next question, "are you guys finally going to get married?"

I felt a lump in my throat as she shook her head yes and This time I didn't stop the tears from falling smudging my liquid eyeliner.

She looked triumphant as my tears fell and I honestly felt below her.

Who was I and what was I thinking that he actually loved me and wanted to spend his life with me?

He has proven once more how gullible and naïve I was and I hated not him but my self for that.

I guess my father thought too highly of me for I was not the smart one.

I was a dumb bitch who the universe never passes an opportunity to shit on.

I slowly turned and walked away heading to the elevator as I my silent sobs broke out into loud and breathless ones as I rode the elevator alone to the ground floor.

I wanted nothing more than to just throw myself off of the tallest tower in Seoul right now but I just went with plan B and called Lia and Minjae to pick me up although I am pretty sure that my words were inaudible due to my sobs and cries but they showed up nonetheless and took me to their place and too very good care of me.

I couldn't find it in me over the few days to eat or drink anything and my energy and blood sugar was low and the baby was at risk but I couldn't seems to get control over myself for all I did was cry until all my tear ducts ran empty so I just slept.

Lia tried to cheer me up over the few days and even called my sister but not even her could help.

I felt depressed and used and worthless.

I hated myself and to be honest I was starting to hate the baby.

I know that it wasn't their fault but at this point I didn't have any more room to carry all the blame so I needed a new outlet.

It was now graduation day and I had loss a shit tone of weight and had not taken a picture of my 10th and 11th week mark so I took it today for document as I got ready to go collect my degree.

Lia and Minjae had been trying for the past two weeks to get me up ad running and I felt guilty to be stressing them out so much, specially Lia so I got out of bed today and took a really long and nice shower, washing hair and finally ate something sustainable and finished about five bottles of water.

My stomach was showing throw my bump and I felt saddened by the fact that I hadn't get the 10th one before the 11th passed but then Lia reassured me that she had taken one while I was sleeping and I couldn't help but give her a big ole hug.

I felt guilty of how I had been acting these past 2 weeks and apologized to them relentlessly on our car ride to the ceremony but they just brushed it off by saying, "you had every right to be that way. We are hear for you baby. Just don't worry about anything for now. We have it covered."

I had never felt such sincerity in a friendship and I had to hide my tears as they both smiled at me with such love.

I was going to miss them.

The ceremony was thankfully not that long and I gave my valedictorian speech making through all of it without crying, I guess my tear ducts have not recovered as yet, and my family were on video call the whole time and I once again felt happy.

I rubbed my hand lovingly against my stomach as my principal called my awards and scholarship thanking my baby for being their with me and being my greatest source of motivation.

I smiled and opened my gown and showed my stomach and everyone gasped and clapped as I revealed my pregnancy showing them that being pregnant should not stop you from going to school and get that degree.

I saw some people wiped a tear in the crowd, my mother being one, than they erupted in cheers as I collected my awards and exited the stage with a polite bow and a wide teary eyed smile.

Here marks the ending of a chapter of my life and also marks the beginning of another.

I had donated every food and other items to shelters that I would no longer need before I left for the airport.

I stood in the living room as I side, George clinging on my side as I replayed the 4 years that I had spent in this apartment before turning in my key and loaded my luggage into the trunk of Minjae's vehicle hugging them as tight as I could not wanting to let go as I sobbed on their shoulders thanking for everything and promising to keep in touch.

My baby was now 14 weeks and has been growing beautifully now that I had gotten back to place of stability.

With one last glance and waved I boarded the plane thanking God for this experience and what I had learned from it as I slept through the hours too long flight to my home and to my family.

Harin and Shiwoo were behind me for I have big things planned ahead for me and my baby.

I am ready for what life will throw at me next for I am ready.

Bring. It.. On.