Chapter 26: Take the Tour

I was suddenly very aware of just how odd my situation must look to the edgelord wizard. Surrounded by beautiful monster girls on a bustling farm, having very clearly put down roots, my approach to the hero life stood in stark contrast to his own at even the most passing of glances.

He was still decked out in black leather armor, just as I recalled him, but his cloak was more tattered and worn than before, and some stubble had settled on his face. I remembered him well from my brief encounter with him when we'd met the gods and I was... singled out in a rather awkward way.

"Autumn," the white-haired catgirl said, nodding politely, but her expression was anything but warm or visibly happy to see her sister.

"Winter," my blonde catgirl said through partially clenched teeth. "I hope your flight was comfortable."

"The weather was shit," she groaned, dusting something off of her shoulder. "We got rained on twice. But it was fine."

"Sorry to hear that," I grunted, and I was. I'd been rained on while riding Blue before, and it was anything but pleasant.

"Sorry to hear it was fine? Or that we got rained on?" she said, wryly smirking at me.

"The latter," I said, chuckling. I took their hands to shake them in a cordial greeting, and the gesture seemed to break some of the awkward tension. "And welcome."

"I'm going to need some hard and fast facts about what the fuck is going on here," Aldon said, looking around, trying not to stare at my girls. Every man could identify that look in another, when you catch them consciously fighting the urge to gawk at a pretty girl--that stiff upper lip, the too-focused gaze at a safe point. At the moment, the stare was mostly fixed on me, though I could tell by the flaring of his nostrils and the twitching of his scar-surrounded eye that he desperately wanted to bask in the sight of all my ladies. I didn't blame him. I spent most of my freetime doing just that.

Autumn looked at me, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'll leave that to Bucky." Her grin was sly, like she knew the awkward position she was leaving me in.

I tried to think fast. "Well, geez, let's take a seat around the fire and chat," I said, gesturing toward the fire pit, but Aldon shook his head in refusal.

"I've been sitting for two whole days," he replied. "I don't mind standing, do you?"

"In that case, let's have a walk-around," I suggested, and we started a tour of the farm.

It didn't take that long to make our way around the grounds, but we kept the walk going in circles to no protest. Winter in particular seemed eager to be on her feet, stopping to stretch surprisingly often. It wasn't bad to watch her stretch, either, and Autumn definitely noticed my noticing, slapping me on the back of the head and hissing at me for looking when Aldon's head was turned.

"She looks like you," I whispered, gripping the sore spot. "It's a compliment, right?"

"She looks nothing like me!" Autumn hoarsely screeched back under her breath. "You are insatiable, Bucky Wilbur Drake!"

I scoffed hard, almost choking. They were identical but for the hair and fur as far as I could tell. Even their body types were pretty much the same--tight and petite with just enough boob and ass to keep things interesting.

As we made our way around the grounds, I did my best to explain everything succinctly without self-incriminating my laziness too blatantly.

"So, I moved into this site after rescuing two holstaurs nearby just a minute or two after arriving in Lusteria. Not wanting to abandon them when they clearly depended on me, I started this sanctuary as sort of a home for displaced monster girls and elf refugees scattered by the Goblin Queen's forces. I basically decided to lock down the regional security of the Watcher's Woods territory, and we've been in a couple skirmishes with General Darkmaw and currently have our eye on the keep to the north run by General Keenfury."

"You're planning on taking out Keenfury?" Aldon asked, impressed by the sound of things. I breathed a sigh of relief as I continued my string of half-truths and bullshits.

"I'm still in the reconnaissance phase. I'd like to know what I'm walking into, but I do regular flyovers under cover of darkness," I said, trying to sound like I knew what I was talking about. "You'll meet Blue later."

"Not bad," he nodded. "And cool name for your dragon. I figured you'd turn out to be some kind of hornball loser from the look of you at the Summoning Ceremony."

I laughed nervously. "Ha. Ha. No, that's... Whaaat."

He gave me a weird look, but then moved on. "So these monster girls," he said, gesturing to the entourage that had greeted him with me minutes before. "They're under your protection?"

"Damn straight they are," I said. That part was absolutely the truth.

"Very good," he said. "Honorable. I like your idea of establishing a defensible territory and giving a new life to refugees and victims of the Goblin Queen. But you need walls. You need turrets and scouts on your perimeter. You have to get organized. That one scantily clad wood elf I noticed when flying in isn't going to cut it."

I nodded. "You're right, of course. We got paid a visit by Darkmaw last night, actually."

His good eye went wide. "Really. Tell me about her."

"She's a shifter, like me. She turns into--"

"What do you mean 'like you'?" he asked, putting a hand on my chest to cut me off. The overly familiar gesture took me by surprise.

"My subclass feat is Shifter."

"I wasn't offered that feat," he said matter-of-factly, as though something seemed off about it.

I thought about it. "Oh," I grunted, recalling the likely reason why. "It has a prerequisite."

He nodded, letting go of me. We got back to our stroll. "I see. What was the prereq?"

I swallowed hard. "I got another feat before it. Unlocked through, uh, special quests."

Shit. Fuck. Here we fuckin' go.

"What quests?" he asked, still nodding, not apparently clocking my evasiveness.

"I..." I looked at Autumn. Her face showed none of my anxiety. At the moment, the only women with us were our catgirls, and I didn't expect Autumn to blab, so I hoped she could rescue me. The look she returned me was one of confusion. It said, rather plainly, 'The fuck is your problem? Tell him!'

My heart was thumping in my chest as I prepared to speak, seeing no recourse available. I almost sobbed as my voice creaked out the truth. "I got blowjobs from five girls in one night, so that unlocked the Harem Knight feat."

Predictably, we came to a grinding halt. Aldon slowly turned to me, giving me a look that was impossible to interpret with his messed up face. Then he turned his head to Winter.

"Did I just have a fucking stroke? Did he really say what I think he said?"

I blushed. Autumn giggled, but Winter looked shocked. "How did you know the prerequisite for that feat? How did you know to try for it?"

"I didn't," I shrugged. "It just kinda happened."

"That's just a normal weekday evening around here," Autumn said, trying not to laugh.

Aldon's face had sunken considerably. "My mood has taken a sudden and serious turn."

"Understandable," I nodded. "I tried to be discreet for as long as I could."

"It was appreciated," he sighed. "I was afraid it was something like this. I assume you've marked Autumn, then?" he asked, and then he looked over at her. "I'm sorry if that's a rude question."

I blushed, but Autumn didn't. "No, he hasn't marked me yet. He marked the two holstaurs and the unicorn girl."

"Three?? And what unicorn girl?" Aldon said, looking around in befuddlement.

I laughed. "I guess you can't see her."

"How can you?" Winter asked. "There are only two types of men that are supposed to be able to see unicorns."

"Two?" Autumn said. "I thought it was just virgins. And women, of course."

"Virgins, yes, but also those who are truly pure of heart."

"Well, my unicorn is a little... broken," I shrugged, looking over at Sprinkle as she ripped a squirrel in half. I sighed, watching her make the blood rain down on her face and breasts. Aldon apparently truly registered none of it, but I could tell from Winter's horrified expression that she witnessed everything.

"You marked her?" she asked.

"Yep," I said. "She's not so bad when you get to--"

"My Bucky!" Sprinkle's high and sweet voice shouted over to us at exactly that moment. "I am saving some blood for us to drink together when your friends leave!"

I grimaced, swallowing hard as I did my best not to look over at Sprinkle, opting instead to keep uncomfortable eye contact with Winter. "We take it one day at a time."

"So you've marked three girls, but not your catgirl?" Aldon asked, seeking that bit of clarification for some reason.

"Yeah," I shrugged. Winter was starting to look a bit nervous.

"I insisted he do the unicorn first." Autumn looked at her sister pointedly. "For the boons."

"This is so fucked up," Winter moaned. "What the hell kind of hero operation are you running here, sis? You can't even be level 5 with all this fucking going on. How could he mark three?"

"You forget," Aldon said. "Fucking is how he gets his XP boost."

"He's level 16," Autumn declared proudly, looking right at her sister for her reaction. Winter's eyes flickered in shock, but she didn't gasp or offer any other satisfaction to her sister.

"Holy shit," Aldon said. "I'm level 9."

"Levels don't matter much for him," Winter quickly interjected. "He has the magic of Esoterica."

"So does the Witch Queen," Autumn pointed out with genuine caution. "And she was supposedly a teacher there. Don't depend on your magic too much."

Winter scoffed. "We'll be fine."

"So, wait," I said, squinting at Aldon. "Did you mark Winter?"

He shrugged. "Well yeah. She told me everyone marks their catgirl."

Autumn grinned toothily, looking at her sister with a look of grim satisfaction. "Oh, did she now?"

Winter's face flushed so pink that it made her hair seem somehow even whiter. "W-well, it's very common," she stammered. "And it provides plenty of benefits. It's a symbiotic relationship that way."

He looked at her confused. "You mean I didn't have to do it?"

She looked up at him, her usually stern eyes suddenly glistening with nerves. "Technically no. Are you mad?"

He shrugged and laughed the question off like it was the silliest concern imaginable. "No way. I had sex."

"And anal," I added.

"And head," he agreed.

"I hope she still puts out," Autumn said, shooting an accusatory eye at her sister.

"Good lookin' out," Aldon chuckled as he patted Winter on the butt. "But she's a keeper, no worries."

"This is a very undignified conversation," the white-haired catgirl protested, but she looked more than a little relieved that her secret was out and Aldon hadn't blown up at her for it.

We headed back to the cabin. "This is where we sleep," I said, sliding the door open and letting them look inside.

"It's a bit small for all of us, isn't it?" Aldon noted.

"Aldon!" Winter hissed. "Manners! We'll sleep outside like we always do, it's fine." She looked at Autumn and me apologetically, raising folding her hands together pleadingly. "Really, it's fine."

"We can definitely put you up at the inn in town or set up a tent for you at the very least. How long are you staying?" I asked.

The two of them looked at each other. "Well, we were initially planning on passing through and just seeing how well you had things under control."

"And?" I asked. "What are you thinking now?" I smiled politely, but was kind of afraid of the answer from the tone of his voice.

"I wouldn't mind sticking around for a few days. Maybe we could help you out with your wolf problem," Aldon suggested, looking to Winter for approval.

She gave it with a nod. "Perhaps the two of you could team up for Keenfury's Keep, too. With both of you working together, and the enemy having no idea what's coming, you could probably do some serious damage. By the midnight chatter, Autumn and I believe that you two are the strongest of the heroes at the moment."

"We have a fighter in the village I'd bring along, too," I said, looking over at Bonny as she continued to conspire with Daisy about something. Every time I looked over there my stomach twisted anew. I just knew they were talking about me, too.

"That rabbit chick with a giant axe?" Aldon asked, nodding over in her direction.

"She's a beast. She's level 23."

"Holy shit."

Winter sighed. "Unfortunately, seeing as we'll be flying in, she won't be able to fit."

"Why not? Two people per dragon-steed should be fine," I said.

"Well, yes," Winter agreed. "But then what about Autumn and I?"

I looked over at Aldon, kind of surprised. "You take Winter into battle?"

He shrugged. "We go everywhere together."

"Sounds like my baby sister has a serious case of separation anxiety," Autumn giggled, pinching her sister's cheeks in a blatant act of sisterly condescension.

Winter frowned through the blush. "Well, excuse me if I don't have a whole fucking harem of knife-ear and cow sister-wives to--"

"--Holy shit," I rasped, raising my hands up to silence her. "Elves and holstaurs, for God's sake. You're going to get gored by a unicorn if you talk like that around here."

"Yeah, geez, Winter!" Autumn said, sounding somehow equally as offended. I almost rolled my eyes at that.

"She can be a bit... rough at times," Aldon said, blushing on her behalf, scratching behind Winter's fluffy black ears. I never knew that a catgirl could scowl and purr at the same time.

Suddenly, the mood changed in an instant. "Darkmaw!" Ivy's voice rang out. "Darkmaw heading in from northwest of the cabin!"

"How many wolves?" I asked, springing to attention. Aldon, too, grabbed his wand from his hip, ready to go.

"That's the odd thing," she shrugged, shouting back at us. "I just see the general herself."

Aldon and I made eye contact for a fleeting instant before darting off in the direction of the incursion. Neither of us were prepared for what was about to happen next.