Chapter 158 - Vol. 3 - 31

Ash

The half-demon and her mother ended up alone, at a table to the back of the inn. Right by a strange room where workers were taking some of the civilians, Caroline had agreed to clear out a little area so that Ash and Ayami could speak to each other. Right now, Ash was sitting opposite her mother, with her arms crossed, and her throat tight. Her group was standing a few meters away, talking amongst themselves and occasionally throwing a glance or two Ash's way. 

As for her father, he was standing by the table, pacing back and forth slowly. Ayami took a quiet deep breath and looked up at Ash. 

"What do you want to know?" She asked. Ash sighed. 

"Why did you do it?" She muttered. "Why did you leave me alone like that? Why did you kick me out and leave like I wasn't.... Like I didn't mean anything to you? I think any of those questions would be kinda nice to get an answer for, ya know?" Ash said. 

Ayami looked away briefly. Now that Ash was this close to her, without the intention of punching her in the face like last time, she was seeing a few details on Ayami's visage that she hadn't noticed earlier. Of course, the bags under her eyes were obvious, but there was also her messy hair, her dry lips, the few wrinkles decorating her forehead. 

"After... After what happened..." 

And that was how Ayami started the story. 

---

18 Years Ago

Ayami

If she closed her eyes, she could still see that thing. 

It had been just a few weeks since she'd been attacked. A few weeks since her father had died in such a terrible way and Ayami had run for her life, only barely making it out. Her story had become somewhat of a trending topic in Jade, unfortunately, and it meant that no matter where she went, Ayami would catch the pitiful glances of everyone around her, like they were throwing coins at a beggar. 

She didn't really care about that. Those looks didn't make her situation any better. Those looks wouldn't bring back her father or her sense of purity. It wouldn't make her feel any better. 

Currently, Ayami was in her home, laying down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling as her husband was getting ready to go to work in another room. Every now and then, Ayami could feel her body burning a little, centered mostly on her stomach. 

Her husband came out, dressed in his usual ji, and Ayami looked at him. 

He walked over to her and placed a hand over her forehead. 

"Are you okay?" He asked with empathetic eyes. Ayami nodded. 

"I'll be fine, go to work. It's okay." 

"..." He paused but then sighed. "I'll be back a little later than normal. The Royal Council's been... Tense, lately, so there will be a few more letters to write." 

"Hm?" Ayami raised a brow. 

"Amber," he explained. "Separatist sentiments have been getting stronger down south. So, yeah. I'll uh," he looked away, "I'll see you later." 

As he walked away, he muttered a quick "I love you". 

"I love you too..." Ayami mumbled. Then, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She was starting to feel so tired, she couldn't keep her eyelids up. 

For a while, she remained like that, hoping the image of that demon wouldn't appear in her thoughts. And, this time it didn't. 

It didn't because something else completely took her focus away from catching any sleep. She suddenly felt sick, and something surged up her body. Recognizing that she was about to vomit (which was strange because she hadn't eaten today), she ran to the restroom. Here, let the contents of her stomach out and her eyes just about bulged out of her head when she saw what it was. 

A softly glowing, dark violet liquid. 

What?  Ayami thought, nearly falling on her butt as she stared at it in disbelief.  What!? 

A while later, after her husband had come back, Ayami told him about what had happened and he wasted no time using his resources at the Palace to figure out what was going on with Ayami. They received the news the next day, from a letter written by a medical professional. 

And, as Ayami read those words, she paled, her jaw dropping from disbelief. 

"I'm..." She muttered, staring down at the paper. "I'm pregnant?" 

---

Nine Months Later

"Push!" Her husband yelled, needlessly. Ayami was already trying her hardest after all. She swore something was wrong. Obviously, childbirth was painful, but was it truly  this  painful? As she tried to get the baby out, a few healers remained nearby, ready to cast their magic on her as soon as the process was done. 

That was when one of them confirmed her suspicions. 

"The, uh," she heard him say to a partner, in between Ayami's own cries, "the baby's horns are cutting up her walls on the way down, be ready to heal her back up." 

It was like a final insult being delivered to her by this demonic  thing  she was pushing out of her body. It made Ayami angry enough to give her a boost in determination, that she used to get through the last moments of the process until... 

"It's out!" 

And with that, the healing quickly started, and Ayami fell back onto her bed. 

Finally. 

She'd gotten rather sick of puking that violet... stuff over the last nine months. 

But, unfortunately, this brought a new question. One Ayami and her husband had not found an answer for. 

Now that the child was here, what would they do with it? 

"It's a girl," one of the healers said. Ayami, breathing heavily, finally looked over at her. 

The horns on its head were almost as big as a finger. No wonder they'd cut her up. The child's skin was unnaturally pale, and though they were closed, Ayami could tell its eyes were just a bit bigger than a normal baby's. 

"Do..." The healer started awkwardly. "Do you want to hold it?" He asked. 

Now that it, or she, was here, Ayami couldn't help but feel curious. She was brought to her, and Ayami looked at it. 

No thoughts crossed her mind as she heard the baby cry. She just stared at it, knowing this would change her life forever. 

---

12 Years Ago

A violet haze covered the sky above. Ayami was sitting in an empty cart, being pulled by nothing as it rumbled along the road. Ayami was alone. Her heart was pounding against her chest. Suddenly, it stopped. She looked out and couldn't see anything. Then, a clawed hand grasped her shoulder. 

She turned, and a demonic grin was staring back at her. 

And then her eyes opened and she remembered where she was. 

By now, the baby was six years old. 

Ash's hair grew at a much faster rate than a regular human's, to the point where after Ayami would give her a haircut, it would be back entirely in just about a couple of weeks. Her hair was the length of her entire body, falling all the way to her tiny feet, a wild white color. 

Her body was also fairly strong, which surprised Ayami as much as everything else. A regular person would need to raise their Strength or Constitution over time to achieve such a look, but even now, Ayami could see the beginnings of a six-pack on Ash's abdomen. Finally, there were her eyes. 

Those big, bright, violet eyes. You could be in a crowd full of people and you'd be able to spot Ash easily thanks to them. Once you looked into them, it was hard to look away. 

Currently, Ayami was reading something to Ash, hoping this counted as good teaching until they could get a school to take Ash in. At some point, with her husband's social standing, one of them would cave, which was good, but Ayami still worried Ash would fall behind. 

"... And," Ayami read out, trying to disregard the brief memory that had flashed in front of her eyes, "as the prestigious academy was being built, many travelers from all over the world came to Sapphire, specifically so that... Ash?" Ayami looked over at her daughter. 

She was silent, swinging her feet from the chair she was sitting on. 

"What's wrong?" 

"... You look sad," Ash said, with some difficulty. "Something wrong." 

Hearing that, Ayami bit the insides of her cheeks and put the book down. 

It would have been easier,  she thought, it would have been easier to hate her if this child had been terrible. If Ash had tried to ruin my life, kill me in my sleep, destroy my home or tear me and my husband apart and we'd had to put her down to save ourselves. But... She's just... 

Ayami shook her head as Ash hopped off the chair and waddled over to her, looking up at her with big, concerned violet eyes. 

Absent-mindedly, Ayami hugged her and Ash made a confused sound. 

"I'm sorry," she told her. "I'm sorry I'm not a stronger person." 

---

Six Years Ago

By now, Ayami had come close to accepting that this was just her life now. Ash was 12 years old, after all, about to become a teenager, and currently studying in one of Jade's schools. She was, outside of the fact that none of the other kids liked her, and every single citizen in the city treated her with contempt, a regular daughter. 

The worst part about it all though was that, at some point, Ayami had started to care for her. Care deeply even. She was planning different things that Ash could do to start making money once she was old enough. She thought of getting Ash to become a traveling merchant so that she could see the world or maybe an assistant of some sort so that she could serve under someone important and see what high society was like. 

However, as much as she was beginning to see Ash as being truly her own daughter, something hadn't changed. Any time she saw the half-demon, she felt like crying. Any time she saw Ash, she felt like she was right back in that field, a demon pinning her down, having its way with her. 

She wondered if that would ever be truly gone from her mind. Her family, her husband, had all suggested therapy but Ayami never got around to it. Besides, she doubted anyone would be able to fix what was fundamentally broken within her. 

So, yes. On one hand, she had become Ash's mother, finally. On the other, she was still looking for relief. And, these two realities lived together for a while, until finally, a choice was given to her. 

She had been buying some food from the public square and was just now returning home when she arrived at her door and found her husband speaking to someone inside. Ayami raised a brow as she dropped the bags gently nearby. The man was dressed in a similar ji to her husband's. 

Maybe a work friend?  Ayami speculated. Though, even if that was the case, this person was probably very important. 

Ayami's husband had climbed up the ranks at the palace over the years. It had happened right under her nose, that sheepish, clumsy man she'd married so long ago had become a respected, tenured member of Jade's high society. He still didn't hold any real power, but he was on his way to that end. 

Maybe that was why this happened.

"Ayami," he greeted her. "Come, this is my superior. Or, rather,  these are my superiors." 

"Greetings," the man said sweetly. "We are Talo. A vessel of the Royal Council." 

At that, Ayami nearly fainted. 

The Royal Council??? 

"G-Good afternoon, um, what... I... Huh?" 

Her husband chuckled. 

"They're here to make us an offer, I believe?" Her husband half-asked, which indicated they hadn't yet fully stated their purpose. Ayami sat down next to him. 

"Indeed," Talo said. "See, we have been monitoring your progress and, well, it is impressive. At this rate, there is a very real chance that you will be on the Royal Council one day. However..." Talo's smile faded. "See, if such a thing happens, your life will be scrutinized. Put under a lens by any and every scholar. You will be the subject of much investigation, and, well... There is something that could prove to be a problem." 

Ayami could feel where this was going. She held her breath, almost. 

"Your daughter," Talo said, and Ayami's head dropped as her concerns were confirmed. "The half-demon." 

"Y-Yes?" Ayami's husband asked. "What about her?" 

"Well," Talo smiled again, "the war against the demons has been growing in intensity as of late. Because of this, public perception of half-demons has soured considerably as well. To the point where many citizens in the city see them as little more than future traitors, people to be disposed of now so they do not betray us in the future. Regardless of whether or not you agree with this," Talo shrugged, "you have to consider the optics of having a member of the Royal Council also be related to one such creature. Do you understand what we are trying to say?" 

Ash came to Ayami's mind. 

"What..." Ayami was the one to respond. "What do you have in mind?" 

"Simple," Talo smiled again, "we wish to separate you. Send the child away to a different city, never to return. All connection between the two of you and her would be severed and thus, your reputation would not be in danger anymore. That is it. That is all we wish to do." 

"... But, if we refuse?" Ayami said and her husband gave her a look like she'd spoken out of turn. 

"Nothing happens, but... The ceiling for your career," Talo looked at her husband, "will lower considerably. It simply looks too bad to have someone be part of our ranks while being related to a demon. Or, half-demon, we apologize," Talo chuckled. "There you have it. This is your choice. Send us a letter when you've made your decision." 

As they heard that, Talo stood up and walked out of their home. Ayami and her husband looked at each other, wordlessly. 

For all this time, Ash had seemed like something they'd just have to deal with. For Ayami specifically, a reminder she'd simply carry wherever she went. But, now, there was a choice. There was an option. 

And a part of her was elated to hear that. 

---

A Few Days Later

"It's for the best," her husband told her in a whisper as Talo once again sat in front of them. 

"So," Talo clapped their hands, "you've decided?" 

"... Yes," Ayami nodded. "But, we wish to change this to something similar." 

"Hm?" Talo raised a brow. 

"Well... If the point is to salvage our reputation, then staying here is meaningless for us, since everyone here knows who we are. It would be better if... If Ash stayed here, while we left Jade."

"Hm... We understand," Talo nodded. 

That wasn't really it though. Ayami had decided that, if Ash was to be left alone, it would be better for her to be in a place she already knows. And, although Ash hadn't gone out too much apart from heading to school, she had seen a lot of Jade already. She was familiar with this city. 

"Very well, if that is what you want. We will send people over tomorrow then, to collect the half-demon. Once she is out of the home, you will leave as well, and we will close this building down. Does that sound right?" 

"Um," Ayami said, "is there any way you could, uhm, give our daughter a job or a place to stay?" 

"It would be best if she doesn't have such things," Talo said. "If she grows up to be a person of any importance at all, it would ruin this little endeavor, wouldn't it?" Talo added with a smile, as though they weren't condemning someone to homelessness. 

Though, Ayami was doing the same, of course, so she couldn't judge. 

And with that, the deal was made. Talo left their home for the final time and Ayami gulped down her guilt. Now that it was finalized, she felt regret, pity, and a burning self-hatred, but, she felt she had to do this. 

---

Now

Ash

Ash listened intently, and patiently, and yet, she was still enraged. She was holding herself, trying to keep herself from slapping this woman across the face. 

"I won't make excuses," Ayami said. "The decision came down to me and I agreed with the plan." 

"... Why?" Ash asked. 

"Because I was tired," Ayami answered with a shrug. "Seeing you was like seeing my attacker every day. And... When I had the opportunity to be rid of that, I took it. I won't act like I did the right thing," Ayami looked at Ash straight in the eyes. "I know someone else, someone stronger, would have raised you up right and put all that aside. I know someone else may have come to understand that you were your own person, and those are things I wish I could have done too. But I couldn't." 

Ayami looked down. 

"So, if you want to punch me, kick me, strangle me, do it. I know I deserve it, but one thing I will say," Ayami looked back up at her. "I'm sorry, Ash, but I needed it. In the end, it didn't take away the sleepless nights or the feeling of dread whenever I was on the road, but I gained a little bit of peace, and that was worth it. I'm sorry." 

"..." Ash thought about this. What her next move should be. What most people would do in this situation. By now, she just wanted to catch some sleep. She was already tired of this. 

Before she could come up with anything though, Metsumi put a hand on her shoulder. 

"Ash, can I talk to you for a second?" Metsumi asked. 

"Uh, sure," Ash said and she stood up, walking a bit of distance away.

Metsumi then put her hands on Ash's shoulders and looked her in deep in her eyes. Ash sighed, knowing that some smart, deep bs was probably on its way. Metsumi was wise like that after all. 

"Ash, she's right," Metsumi said, just low enough for Ash to hear, and no one else. "No one would judge you if you flipped out right now, but... would that make this better?" 

"Metsumi," Ash looked away, "I don't know what you're going to tell me, but listen, I'm not gonna give her a chance or try to see her side of things or, whatever the fuck else you're going to say, okay? She left me on my own for years just because she couldn't handle seeing me. And... I get it, okay," Ash breathed in, "I understand why that is, but... I can't forgive her for that." 

"I don't think anyone could if they were in your spot, and I'm not saying you should forgive her, at all, but..." Metsumi placed a hand on Ash's head, right between her horns. "Think about it. Are you ever going to get this chance again? Your family is right here, right in front of you, and you have the choice of leaving things the same way they'd been for the last six years, or getting some closure and really moving on. Not going back to them, or anything like that, but just talking to them, for at least a second, and putting this whole thing to rest. Then, you can part ways, knowing you settled this." 

Ash took a deep breath. She had thought this for a bit, but admitting it now still took some courage on her part. She had been made that cold, after all, by what happened in her life. 

"You're my family now," she muttered, feeling like a weight was lifted off her soul. "You, Kaori, Keiko, Satsuhiro, Opah. Not them." 

"..." Metsumi paused and then chuckled. "As happy as I am to hear that, as much as I see you in the same way, you have to understand that I wasn't there to change your diapers when you were a baby. To help you learn to talk and read. To carry you on my shoulders while we walked through the cities. She did that," finally, Metsumi placed a hand on Ash's cheek. "Don't you think it would be nice to see that person again? The person who did all of that for you? Because, I can tell you that's not her," she looked back at Ayami, who was hunched over and melancholic. "At least, not right now. But she could be, for at least a little bit, before you decide you've done enough. And, leave things on a good note, you know?"

"... I really hate this about you sometimes, you know?" Ash muttered. "Saying the right things all the time. Sometimes it hurts to hear." 

"Aw, that's the good part!" Metsumi told her and Ash raised a brow. "Healing for our soul isn't like healing for our bodies. There's no instant relief involved, no soothing feeling. Just the fear of knowing that you're changing for the better, because, yeah, changing for the better can be scary. If something makes you feel like that, usually, it's a good thing." She gave Ash two thumbs up.

Ash couldn't help it. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around Metsumi, in a quick hug that the woman returned. 

"I don't think that's something that'll be easy for me to learn," Ash said. 

"Then, for as long as I am around, I'll remind you," Metsumi chuckled. 

And, with those words, Ash went back to the table, sighing. 

"So... Uh..." She bit the insides of her cheeks, hating how dumb she sounded. "What did you do in the other cities?" 

Ayami gave her a confused look. 

"I..." Ash said. "I want to know a little. About what I missed out on, I guess..." 

"... Uh," Ayami blinked, "sure."