1137 When I Missed You

"You see? You can't do what I'm asking of you, and yet you're asking me to give in!" Bai Xiaonian smiled at Lu Jinnan, though her smile didn't reach her eyes.

Seeing that Lu Jinnan frowned and didn't say anything, Bai Xiaonian softened and spoke calmly, as if she was reading prose. "On what basis should I give in to you, Lu Jinnan? You're the one who wants to be with me, not the other way around… and you still want me to give in. On what basis should I do that?"

Lu Jinnan's lips parted.

Bai Xiaonian smiled at him and continued in a gentle voice, "Lu Jinnan, why not this—since you decided not to leave her behind, we'll talk when she's dead!"

Bai Xiaonian's words were cruel. Seeing that Lu Jinnan remained silent, she reached out to open the car door.

"Xiaonian!" Lu Jinnan grabbed Bai Xiaonian's slender wrist. "Do you think I don't know you? If I wait until Hong Jinyun is dead to find you, then I'll really lose you forever! You might not even let me see you!"

"Since you know me so well, don't you know that I won't give in when it comes to things like this?" Bai Xiaonian's smile was too dazzling. Her eyes had clearly reddened, but she was still acting so relaxed. "I gave you a chance, Lu Jinnan. You're the one who doesn't want it!"

In the past, Bai Xiaonian didn't want any explanation. She was fine so long as Lu Jinnan stayed away and even forgot about Hong Jinyun, or at least kept that person in his heart without her knowing, not openly discussing that person with her!

Right now… Bai Xiaonian wanted to be far away from Lu Jinnan.

"If I stop seeing Hong Jinyun starting from today, can we make up?" Lu Jinnan asked.

"You have to stop seeing her mother too!" Bai Xiaonian replied.

Lu Jinnan was silent for a moment before he nodded his head…

"You're right. I'm a selfish man. If I had to choose between you and Hong Jinyun, I would choose you. But Xiaonian… if I really leave Hong Jinyun alone, I'll feel guilty towards her for the rest of my life!"

"Do you want to hear the truth Lu Jinnan?" Bai Xiaonian looked at Lu Jinnan and scoffed. "I'm an extremely jealous person. I can't accept that you're going to see her, and I can't accept you keeping her in your heart after she dies…"

"Listen to yourself, Bai Xiaonian. What choice are you leaving me with? Do you want me to lose my memory like Yun Liuli?" Lu Jinnan looked at Bai Xiaonian and felt that she was unreasonable. He frowned and searched for his cigarettes in the storage box. He pulled out a cigarette and held it between his fingers before saying curtly, "If I ask you to forget about Xiaobei, will you be able to do that?"

Lu Jinnan then turned to look out the window. He rolled down the car window further and lit his cigarette.

The white smoke that rose from between Lu Jinnan's fingers filled the car. It was so hazy that it caused one to space out.

Bai Xiaonian gulped and reached out to take Lu Jinnan's cigarette from between his fingers. She clumsily took a drag and coughed, which came as a surprise to her as it wasn't the first time she'd smoked.

When she rolled down the car window and tapped away the cigarette ashes, she felt drops of rain land on the back of her hand.

Lu Jinnan asked, "When… did you start smoking?"

"When I missed you…"

It was clearly a proclamation of her love, but Bai Xiaonian choked up as she said those words, and her voice was slightly nasal.

Lu Jinnan felt as if something had suddenly seized his heart.

"After you and Hong Jinyun met in front of my apartment that day, she came looking for me the next morning…" Bai Xiaonian calmly took a drag on the cigarette before continuing, "I don't know much about you killing someone in the past, but I know about everything else that happened between you two!"

Lu Jinnan remained silent…

"You two were childhood lovers and grew up together. You also shared life and death together. She went under the knife for you and won't ever be able to conceive again. She said you did whatever you could to give her the best of everything, and you told her that she was the only woman you'd want for the rest of your life! She also said that she was nothing but cruel to you because she wanted you to put all the blame on her. She's willing to go to jail and even risk her life! Has she… told you all of this?"

Lu Jinnan froze.

Bai Xiaonian had gotten someone to check the case records. Back then, Hong Jinyun had indeed said that she was the one who committed the murder. However, Lu Jinnan had confessed later on, and she was forcefully sent overseas by her biological mother. She then completely lost contact with Lu Jinnan.

So, what Bai Xiaonian was afraid of back then… was what their relationship was like!

Even if Lu Jinnan chose her now, she couldn't guarantee that he wouldn't leave a large space in his heart for Hong Jinyun after he learned about everything.

Bai Xiaonian was an especially petty and greedy person!

If she loved someone, yet that person couldn't give her his whole heart, she would rather leave him!

"What she said was true. I checked!" Bai Xiaonian took a very deep drag on the cigarette, causing it to light up quickly.

Lu Jinnan's heart ached at the sight. He reached out to take away the cigarette from Bai Xiaonian and threw it out the window. The continuous pitter-patter of rain could already be heard. "Stop smoking the cigarette!"

"How can Lu Jinnan's heart be split between two women?" As Bai Xiaonian spoke, the white smoke from her lips blurred her vision, and tears welled up in her eyes. "And besides, I don't want defective goods!"

Lu Jinnan tugged at his collar. "So, you've been avoiding me this whole time because you want to give Hong Jinyun and me your blessing?"

Bai Xiaonian shook her head. "I'm doing it to let myself off…"

Bai Xiaonian suddenly thought of something, then looked down and chuckled. Her nose turned red. "Forget it, let's just lay our cards on the table!"

Bai Xiaonian then said the words that she'd planned to keep at the bottom of her heart forever.

"Lu Jinnan, on the 28th of January… after you saw my colleague Mortensen walk out of my apartment, you angrily slammed the door and left! But Lu Jinnan… before this, I called you four times, and the call went through on the fourth time. Without giving me a chance to explain, you told me that Hong Jinyun's mother called you… and told you that she'd locked herself in her room for a day and a night already and that she refused to eat or drink anything. On your way to Hong Jinyun's place, after apologizing to me, you just hung up!"

Lu Jinnan remembered that Bai Xiaonian had given him the cold shoulder for a few days because of Hong Jinyun back then. She had her phone switched off as well. As a result, he was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from her. However, when Hong Jinyun's mother called him, she was sobbing uncontrollably.

"If I had a choice, I wouldn't have wanted to call you either. I was in a daze because I was burning up… and I had no strength in my body at all. I also hadn't had a sip of water for a day and a night. It wasn't easy for me to ignore the heart palpitations and weakness, charge my phone, and call you, yet you didn't even give me a chance to explain myself…"