Chapter 42.1

Chapter 42 – Part 1

You can’t.

This was what the voice inside me said. No, you can’t waver.

‘…I know.’

I know. I know. I’ve already seen it. I’ve already witnessed it with my own eyes.

Once he regains his memories, he would forget everything that happened, as if it was all a mirage.

So, don’t make even the smallest gap.

“Lily…”

As Theodore called my name, he slowly reached for me. His fingers carefully touched my moist eyelids, cheeks.

His blue eyes were so full of affection.

“…Did I do something wrong? I didn’t think that you were going to cry… I didn’t know…”

“……”

I shook my head in silence. I did not want to say anything. I knew that whatever I would try to say here would just end up being futile.

So, as if I was completing a puzzle at this moment, I searched for the answer that was the most apt for this situation and gave him that.

“…It’s only because I’m so happy. Thank you for the present.”

“……”

It was as if he noticed that there was another reason. Theodore looked at me silently.

But regardless of whatever question he might have had, I wouldn’t be able to answer.

I turned away from him, hoping that this moment would pass quickly.

All the things that were making me waver now would all vanish into the air one day.

This was the lesson I had learned over time. No matter how slow or fast it would pass, any kind of confusion was bound to be sorted out eventually.

“…Do you truly believe that I will come to regret this?”

“……”

Instead of answering, I took out a handkerchief and covered my face with it.

As I was momentarily immersed in darkness, the agitation that was making my heart shake seemed to be gradually subsiding.

Just like this, I wish to disappear into the darkness.

“Lily, would it be alright for you to look at this? Only for a moment.”

Theodore urged me, but all I wanted was to pretend that I didn’t hear him. Even so, I had no choice but to raise my head.

The first thing that came into my view was a shiny brass coin. It was a small, unsightly, plain coin.

You wouldn’t even be able to buy a loaf of bread with that singular coin.

With such a coin in his hand, Theodore spoke.

“A coin toss is based on luck, and it’s said that luck depends on God’s will.”

“……”

Then, with a gentle smile on his lips, Theodore flicked the coin high up.

It twirled around as it soared into the air, but it soon fell back down on the palm of his hand.

Tails.

“I asked if I would regret it.”

“……”

“And the answer is no.”

He handed the coin to me, pressing it onto my hand. Up close, I noticed just how old it was. I didn’t even know when the country had used a red brass coin such as this.

Seeing as the ancient letters engraved onto the coin were of a bygone alphabet that was no longer used, it seemed like the coin was something of a relic from more than eight centuries ago.

“This coin was my older brother’s. He taught me a little about fortune-telling, and what I showed you just now was part of it.”

The moment I heard that it was his brother’s memento, I raised my head. And when he saw that my eyes were wide as I stared up at him, Theodore smiled.

I pursed my lips and handed the coin back to him.

However, Theodore shook his head and refused it.

“I want you to have it.”

“Why are you… You said that it was your older brother’s.”

“That’s why I’m giving it to you. Because you are a precious person to me.”

The way he said it made it seem like I was as precious to him as his brother was.

…I couldn’t bring myself to believe him. I knew very well just how much Camillus Valentino meant to him.

“…I can’t keep this. Take it back.”

“No, I would like you to keep it. Please.”

“Why…”

My lips were drawn into a tight line as I stared at Theodore, who was being as stubborn as a child right now.

I tried to put the coin back in his hand, or at least put it into one of his coat pockets. However, all my attempts failed.

The squabbling went on for a little too long, and in the end, I could only flop back down on a chair in my exhaustion. The coin in my hand was as warm as my body temperature.

Theodore came up to me and went down on his knees.

For a moment, I felt a sense of deja vu—yet again. A long time ago, he also looked up at me from this angle.

But at that time…

“……”

The coin in my hand suddenly felt immensely heavy. It was the death anniversary of Camillus Valentino.

“…If my brother is still alive,”

“……”

“I know for sure that he would have reprimanded me severely for having been so cold to you in the past.”

A bitter smile appeared on his lips. He gently took my hand, the one that wasn’t holding the coin, and placed it on his cheek. Then, he looked up at me with his head tilted to the side.

“My brother was a much gentler and kinder person than I ever would be. I am—how do I put this… I am much sharper and more sensitive.”

“……”

“I know myself well. So even if I can’t remember what happened, I can imagine just how I must have treated you in the past… You know, there are many times that I could feel the left side of my chest getting so cold.”

He kissed my hand. The moment his lips touched my skin, I flinched and tried to pull my hand back. However, he held my hand tightly and wouldn’t let go.

As he stared up at me, his eyes were like blue flames.

“…I’m alright, even if you hate me. Even if you resent me.”

“……”

“I’ll take any painful words and accept them all sweetly. But…”

“……”

“Please, I ask that you do not run away from me.”

At that moment, my heart sank heavily to the ground.

…Did he know about the plan I had with Charlotte?

——