Chapter 384 - On A New Venture

I don't know how the hell I even get myself roped into these things. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm speaking some long-dead long-forgotten variation of English where some slow-witted linguist somehow turned the word 'no' for a synonym 'yes', 'cause apparently that was all Sammy was hearing from me.

Seriously, why couldn't I have gotten the cute little sister that puts her darling big brother first and foremost, no exception? But no, instead I get the one that thinks me part-time chaperone, part-time butler, and full-time everything else, ruining all of my plans I've made for myself today, in favor of her own.

Not that I even had any plans, to begin with… point still stands, though! I won't hear any objections! Monologue adjourned!

Since Sammy wasn't too keen on boarding the large metal box that goes bump and rattle, I had to resort to utilizing the more modern commodities of our time and book a car on my phone.

Cost me twelve bucks too. Bus would have got us there for two. I feel ripped off.

But oh well, anything for dear darling little sister who I love so, so much! Brother of the century, that's me. Be sure to spell my name right on the award plaque.

Anyway, the driver was coincidentally nearby already, so the wait wouldn't be too long. Some guy called Taylor would be coming by… sorry to afflict the wrath of my little sister on you, Taylor. I'll be sure to remember your sacrifice.

"Why shopping anyway?" I asked, already at the point of no return, stepping through and down the paved trail out the driveway

"Because my friends are asking me to get stuff," Sammy replied, closing the front door shut after me. "Why don't you have a car anyway?"

"Because I don't trust that the dealership in town isn't just another front for the mob," I said, then asked another question already long belated. "Why am I tagging along anyway?"

"Because I don't know this city and you do," She replied, and ever so subtly I caught her eyes drifting over my shoulder. "Why is she tagging along anyway?" 

I followed her gaze, turning to where a dumbfounded Ash stood awkwardly by in her usual jacket and jeans combo, I guess even she herself was just as clueless as to how she got dragged into this whole affair in the first place.

"Because if we only have us two for company, we'll just end up seeing who can stand each other the longest before one of us inevitably ends up jumping into oncoming traffic," I explained, feeling my curiosity rise seeing her slightly narrow her lips. "Why do you have a problem with it anyway?"

"Who says I did? I'm just asking a question," She snapped back to me again, frowning now. "Why are you accusing me anyway? "

"Um, pardon me," Ash meekly raised a hand forward, like a diligent yet incredibly shy student wanting so bad to answer a pop quiz. "I do not at all mind withdrawing myself from this endeavor… after all, this seems more a chance for family to bond than anything. In my humble opinion, it should really remain as such."

I heard her out, thought about it, and to me, it sounded valid enough. Sammy on the other hand, couldn't have looked more revolted if she tried.

"What? Bonding? We're just shopping! Shopping!" She exclaimed, affirmed, and every other word that also meant assure. "We're picking up stuff, and then we're leaving, and Ash, yes, you're also following."

"I am?" said the Elf.

"It's a good opportunity," said the Sammy.

"It is?" said the Me.

"She said it herself, it's a chance to bond, so bond!" Sammy said, speaking quickly. "You two are a couple, aren't you? I'd certainly like to see how my brother treats his lover."

"Lover…" Ash muttered, suddenly no longer reluctant, and also looking very much pleased with the notion of it. "Hmm…"

Suffice it to say, my sister's beguiling words had her fully convinced, but I've listened to her melodies long enough to know the rhythm of danger when I hear it.

Slowly, I got close, lowered my voice. "You just wanna gauge our chemistry while you go and buy your friends' stuff, that's what you're gonna do?"

Sammy smiled reassuringly at me. "Obviously, yeah."

"And you're not gonna do anything else, right?"

Sammy's wide smile continued to just stare back at me.

"And you're not gonna do anything else, right?" 

"Oh! Driver's here!" At the sound of a car horn blaring closer, Sammy brushed past my shoulder with a skip, hop, and merry walk. "Time to go, time to leave, c'mon! I'm calling shotgun."

Maybe asking Ash to follow along wasn't such a good idea on my part, after all. 

I whirled around forward to the street again, sharpening my resolve for a long morning of well-founded paranoia.

Oh well. At least the ride over would be a smooth and gentle one, can't imagine the driver being any trouble whatso-

"YOOO! IS THAT MY BIG MAN I SEE OVER FREAKING YONDER?!" 

I'm gonna fucking smash my face into the concrete now, wait one second.

From the open driver-side window of a car that wouldn't look out of place in a luxury showcase, there smiled a face that you could never mistake.

"Yo!" Horn, 'Saw the address on the app!" honking, "Looked familiar so I came!" beep, "What a coincidence, ey?!" blares, "Whatcha' standing there for still?" and even more beeps. "Hop on in, Big Man, I'll take you there with fucking' time to spare!"

Those designer sunglasses, those sparkling chains of gold hanging loose around his neck, draped over stylish clothes two sizes too big, and that bleached-blue ponytail swaying freely as he playfully weaved and bobbed his head.

Ash was the closest, and seemingly thinking this was all just as planned, bowed her head in greeting, to which he reciprocated with a courteous bow back and a gentlemanly, "M'lady."

Sammy, shellshocked from all the honking, found herself once pacing back again beside me.

"Um…" She began. Is that…?"

"Tyler, yep," I confirmed, then briefly glanced back at the name on my phone. "Taylor. Taylor B. How clever…"

Yo, Big Man!" He honked again. "You getting in or what?! Introduce me to the new beaut you got there too! Who's that?! Girlfriend number five?!"

Tyler laughed at his own joke. Sammy looked ready to crawl in a hole and die hearing that, and I, abandoning all hope for a somewhat peaceful morning, simply, valiantly, took a step forward.

'Cause tell me, at this point, what the hell else was I gonna do?

At the very least, we'll still get there in one piece, right?

Right?