Chapter 451 - Old Habits

"A few hours of rest is what he needs now. It isn't my best work, but you won't need my best if you really believe in your abilities, yes? The ward buys you a generous two days. 'Till then, you won't have much to worry about. That is unless you take too long… but I'm positive you won't even need that long now, will you?"

Ah yes, Mom's most favorite hobby right next to scouting google for the newest, cheesiest romance movies. I recognized that look, that air in her tone, and most especially that smile.

Goading me, teasing me. When I claimed I was big enough to handle the horses myself, it's what she did. When I said I could prepare my own meals, she said something awfully familiar. When I announced my big move to the city, I remembered her smiling the same way too.

Now here I am, and there she was, saying, smiling, all over again. Notice a pattern? 

It's always after something big, and if she thinks the shoes I was trying to fill were simply two sizes too big for me to handle, she gets like this.

And it always came down to me having to prove her wrong… 

I haven't yet. 

To date, she's always been right to act and sound her smuggest. 

Old boy Ferdinand kicked me hard in the shin, and it was only fortunate he was still a foal back then. Seven out of ten times, breakfast, lunch or dinner would get my stomach churning in agony, and not to mention, I got scammed of all my life savings going just a few months acclimatizing to city life…

So, with this, with saving Harry, no doubt she believes the same too. 

Was she right for it? Guess we'll find out in time, won't we? We'll see who'll be at the end of this.

In the meantime, I learned from experience that it's best not to engage. Don't feed the trolls, basically... and Mom's renowned for her big appetite.

"Now what happens?" I asked instead. 

Whatever Mom did, whatever I sensed her do, it knocked Harry out-cold again. At this point, it's starting to feel like a running theme here. If he ain't talking, he's fast asleep. Could probably rival Adalia, actually.

"Now we're done," Mom got up to her feet, wiping away dirt and hay from her dress. "Now you won't have to overexert yourself like I'm sure you did the whole night."

So she knew I've been up all this time, huh? Hmm, I wonder what gave it away? Can't be the dark rings around my eyes, I've always been emo.

"So, to be clear, and to be frank, I helped you, did I not?" She said, suddenly speaking strict and taut. "So as it stands to reason, it is your turn to help me now."

"Help you?" I said, trying and failing not to sound condescending.

"Help me help you," She elaborated, nodding. "I don't want you to spend every waking moment here exhausted and stressed. Please, dear, you're back home after almost a year away, you're here, you're with your family… I would like for you to enjoy that at least."

Quietly, I scoffed, I wasn't even trying anymore. "It's kinda hard to want to do that when I'm five feet away from someone literally fighting for his life." 

"Which is why I did what I did. I want this for you…" She reached out, staring gently, as she stroked my cheek. "So just for a few hours, can't you try to want this for you too?"

Logically, I had the high ground here. Morally, hell, I'm pretty much soaring in the stratosphere. But as a conversation between mother and son, I can bring all the facts and logic I want… she'll always have me beat. Like a casino, the Mom always wins. 

Before I knew it, I was already slowly making my way out the barn after her. Mom had cleared the mess, taken away the tray, and had already left for the house, assuring I had no need to fret over his afternoon meal. 

She really wants me to unwind, doesn't she? Well, yeah, I guess for a few hours, I can try. No guarantees though. Who knows, maybe the instant I try to open the front door, the urge would just be too much, and suddenly I'm back on my knees, arms trembling out in front of me again. If Mom has any complaints about that… as I said, I tried.

Once outside the barn, I felt the familiar chill of autumn breezing past my face. For that one second, as promised, I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy it, and for that single moment it worked, and then the next moment came along… with her sound, with her voice.

"Master?" 

Instantly, my eyes snapped wide open, as did my neck… snapping to the right, but it might as well have snapped outright too. from how fast I freaking spun it.

So fast, so sudden, Ash batted her eyes at me, slightly concerned. "Is everything all right?" 

Oh God, Mom. Why did you have to cram my head with what you said? This accursed knowledge you've willingly bequeathed not meant for mortal comprehension… like, what's your game? You did nothing for me but make me overthink. 

I blinked too, shutting myself out of my own head to be rid of the nonsense, then looking around, I asked, "My mother went back already?" 

Ash, still staring in concern, nodded. "Indeed, she did. She's also made mentioned that you'll be relieving yourself from your objective for a time. Is that true?" 

Actually, now that I really looked, like really, really looked, with wiser, wider eyes - they really were glowing, weren't they? The way they shimmered, greener than grass, brighter than stars. Even midday, the sun miserably failed to outshine her luster.

Her luster.

Her… lust…

"Master?" 

"Hmm? Ah, yeah, no, I don't need to go to the bathroom, no. Thanks for asking."

Once again, Ash could only react with another barrage of blinks. "That's… that's delightful to hear…"

"Hey, umm…" I began to say, not knowing what the hell I was even gonna say. "If I wear gloves, do you think you'll still flinch?" 

"Gloves, Master?"

"Oh, and you know your eyes?"

"Uhh…" Ash darted them about, searching desperately through mine. "I know… of them?

"They're nice," I said, raising a thumb and smiling. "I like them."

"That's…" Dumbfounded, she smiled too. "A bizarre step to a compliment but I shall accept and appreciate it regardless, Master. Thank you. I'm happy you like them."

"Yes, you too." 

She cocked her head at me… like a dog not understanding human speech… which meant she wasn't understanding my speech either. Maybe shutting off my brain wasn't exactly the best choice.

Thankfully, I was spared having to elaborate my rabble any further. Nearby, there was a heavy crunch of a boot, two boots… coming to a stop. Then, with a familiar sound, an even more familiar voice called out, "Son?"

Before I even fully turned my head, on impulse, I already spoke, "Yeah?" and once I have turned and did see, only then did I break out of my stupor, and once more, lucid this time, I asked, properly, "Do you need something?" 

Like Mom, Dad had a habit too. More like a look, really. A hard, rigid stare that felt it could almost shoot lasers. It's the look he used when he's reluctant to say something… like when he wanted to ask me to just stay home for a little while longer, or when giving advice with the horses, or asking to pitch in with breakfast. He always silently stared the same way.

A grain bag slung over his shoulder, a long loose branch in his grip, and a straw hat shielding his sights, Dad silently stared now. 

"Yes, I need something." He said, before he even said, I had a hunch already what it could be. "If you can help…" 

I saw where his eyes drifted. Quickly, briefly. That fading tension veering away from Ash's.

"If it's alright with you, for a moment, can I borrow your El - " He paused to correct himself, and took an even longer while to begin again. "Can I borrow Eshwlyn for a while?"

"Borrow?" I repeated, sharing with Ash a confused glance. "Why do you need her?" 

"It's not that I need her," He said, and stopped there as if that really was explanation enough for such an out-of-the-blue request. 

I urged him on even more. "I'm gonna need a lot more than that, Dad." 

"If I elaborate you won't like it," came his prompt response, and the way he said that, well…

"Try me." 

"Elves are not to be trusted," He said, then upon seeing my reaction, quickly added. "It's how I was raised, it's how I was trained… and it's how I have lived." 

Ash silently stood and listened, and steeling my patience, I did so as well. He's my dad, the least I could do was hear him out. 

"You told me you trust her, and that you love her, and I will respect that. As your father, I can respect that…" He trailed off, and already I suspect a 'but', and indeed, it came. "But I can't simply trust her like you do. Not with what I know of her race. Not even if she's under the oath of an Elf-Knight. In fact, it's even more a reason to be doubtful of her." 

At that, I couldn't help myself. I had to ask. "And why's that?"

"Because she is sworn and obliged to protect you with her life," He glanced back at her. "Eshlywn, that's your sworn oath, isn't it? To ensure no harm comes to him." 

"Indeed," Ash unhesitantly replied, her answer coming loud and firm. "To my last breath. With every fiber of my body. My bond is my word, my oath. No harm will befell upon my Master."

"Mmm-hmm," He nodded. "And just how have you been doing so far at that?" 

That's when she froze. A second, two seconds, and not a single word came through her narrowing lips. Not an honest one anyway. 

I knew what she was thinking. Every incident so far, I have been in harm's way. I've bled, struggled… even died… and there was nothing she could have done to prevent it. 

But it was all out of her control. They didn't count. I don't count them. And she shouldn't either. Only…

"I am supposed to entrust my son's life to a member of a race I am sworn to despise," Dad continued on, his every word hitting heavy. "I hope you can understand my position."

"Fine, and?" I asked, nudging my head at him. "That still doesn't explain why you need her." 

"If I'm gonna have to trust her," He said, gripping the handle of the fork a little tighter. "I'm going to need to know that I can."

"You can," I insisted.

"But I don't know that, do I? How could I?" He said calmly. "See, I wanted to ask you this earlier, way earlier, but I just..."

"Couldn't say it?"

"You were already angry enough at me," He sighed again. "I didn't want you angry at me even more."

"Oh yeah, what you're asking, what you're saying," I shook my head. "Why on earth would I ever get angry at that?"

"I  already said you won't like it…" He sighed, that stare of his again resurfacing. "Yes, I want to see how far she'll go to keep true to her word. If she even can in the first place."

I blinked, I had another hunch. A bad hunch at that. "Wait, don't tell me you…"  and that's when Ash took a step forward at him, her stare going cold.

"You wish to fight me." 

Dad stared back at her.

I didn't recognize that stare.

"Yes," He told her bluntly.. "I wish to fight you."