Chapter 186: The Final Lesson

Turns out I rest easier than others… didn't take long for the spring to return to my step. It was honestly surprising to me how easy I could move again so easy and so fast, when just mere minutes ago I was whiter than the surface of the moon.

Could chalk my fast recovery up to many things - placebo, youth, impressive vigor… genetics.

Especially genetics.

"Alright, Elf, over there… five feet apart, you know how it goes." 

Irene returned, pleasantries be damned, the moment she walked under that doorway it was straight back to the grind, no 'how you dos', no small talks. At face value, it might seem a little cold of her but I had a feeling she just wanted this over with quick.

And really, that's my sentiments exactly. 

To make space, Ria was just gently scooted off to the wayside, her glowing hair acting as quite a nice lamplight to splash a bit of color and life to the slumbering Matriarch's pale complexion.

Now with the entirety of the room all to ourselves, nothing to obstruct, nothing to hamper, Ash slowly took those steps away from me, exactly as told, five paces back, her smile fading with every step. 

I watch as the luster completely fade from her eyes 'till all that was left was but a distant vacant stare… it was a sight all too familiar, Adalia was also just as far, also stared at me the same way.

"On my go," Irene's words rang through the tense quiet, her eyes darting left to right. "You will attempt to bring the Elf to her knees. She will attempt to resist you. Now, Elf-Knights are resilient, very resilient, which makes her perfect for this kind of test, don't expect this will be easy… you will struggle.

"And Elf - !" Her gaze turned sharply at Ash, a finger raised towards her. "He might be your master, but do not take that as an excuse to sell yourself short. If you want him to succeed, you'll fight, and you'll fight with everything you got, understood?"

If I thought Ash's stare was distant then, it absolutely couldn't compare to the one now. I knew those eyes, seen those eyes, when she angered, when she despised… when she was no longer the kind, caring servant I've come to know her as.

"Worry not," She muttered, her words cold as ice. "I'll fight it to my last breath if that is what it takes."

I never thought I'd ever be on the other end of that piercing stare. Briefly, I broke away, my eyes straying everywhere else but right at her, and that's when I noticed that we were one woman short.

"Where's Amanda?" I asked our ever stern-eyed supervisor on the sidelines. 

"Downstairs, finishing up," Irene replied, quickly brushing it aside. "Couldn't finish the summoning circle in time, but she's a better painter than I, so I left it to her, she'll be back soon."

"You sure she - " 

"Worry elsewhere!" She jerked her head, aligning my gaze back center. "Focus your mind here and nowhere else, alright?"

I blew a breath. "You're the boss, boss."

So there I was again, staring back at those emerald eyes that brimmed with total focus, unwavering determination… and absolute intent. Somehow, someway, I had to match that with equal might.

Meanwhile, Ash's words were just ringing in my ears stuck on an unending loop.

You'll never hurt me…

I hope to God that stays true.

Irene looked left again, and then to the right… to Ash, to me… I heard her take a breath.

"Now…"

I raised an arm.

Irene stepped back.

"Go."

From the moment I had my arm outstretched, I knew something was different, I could feel that it was different. With Adalia, magic was there - magic blew like the wind to the sails… but the boat would never move, I'd struggle and struggle to no avail.

But now, it was so much more than just a mere breeze coursing from within. Magic actually felt… tangible, comprehensible, controllable… the invisible pressure in my palm, a tennis ball about to be thrown… strands on my fingertips, ready to be weaved, ready to conform.

Magic was like a muscle.

And now I could feel that muscle.

I stopped doing nothing, and started doing everything I could.

Yet… even with so much learned, with so much I was now capable of, the failures just kept on mounting.

Ash didn't even move a single inch.

I lowered my arm, gasping for breath so hard I nearly choked. Yes, this was definitely different… this sensation was something else. Ash never budged, she didn't even raise a single finger but somehow I felt like I was slipping away.

Why was I…?

"You feel that?" Irene blinked at me, standing idly by watching me take huge gulps of air. "Feels different, doesn't it?"

"What happened?" I asked breathlessly.

"Her magic is fighting with yours, contending," Irene nudged her head, directing my frantic wide eyes back onto Ash, standing tall and standing silent. "And hers won. The other lessons, there was nobody to pick a fight with you, so you can sprinkle all your magic as careless as you can be, and something would still happen."

I smacked my lips. "And now?"

"Now you can't flair about and hope for the best. Now you have to refine your magic, concentrate it… break through hers, overpower it, if you can't do that - you'll never be able to summon anyone without getting yourself killed in the process. Summoning requires precision, and Subjugation requires just as much."

That first attempt nearly knocked me flat, and nothing of significance even happened. How many more until something does happen? Lots more? Few more? Guess we'll just have to see.

Hurrah for genetics.

I can do this all day.

"Again," Irene said.

Same arm, same stance, I took in a breath and tried again. This time too aware of the energy I was expending, the magic I was expelling - yeah, I was using too much… and that too much wasn't be used to its maximum potential. 

Like scattered rainfalls. That was what it felt like.

Something precise, something refined. 

"Still too much," Irene spoke out, shaking her head. "Your willpower, you need to be a hundred percent committed to the spell, your intent is what will break you through. Tell yourself to break through, will yourself to break through - come on!"

Will myself, tell myself. It's that what she was doing too? That empty stare to the quivering in mine… it looked so easy, so effortless, in a way it was disheartening to see. 

How many times did she have to go through this process to get this resistance?

Too much… told her unblinking, unfeeling eyes. 

Far too much.

"You're not focusing!" Irene's voice suddenly boomed. "Stop! Stop! You're getting worse! Start over!"

I lowered my arm, and with it, my knees nearly buckled… I was gasping and choking again, clinging desperately to my thighs to keep myself steady, watching the many beads of sweat trickling from my forehead splattering to the ground.

"You can't fail forever, alright?" Irene's voice softly called out to me. "I know you can do this, you've shown me you can… just - whatever's on your mind, please, this is not the time or the place. It's one more, we're so close… don't choke now."

I continue to heave, continue to watch the droplets falling from my face. This was difficult - an entirely beast from the second lesson. Whereas before my magic could flow freely, with this one, it was like I was bashing into a wall over and over again, never once being able to make it crumble.

It wasn't excruciating, it wasn't at all painful. If anything it was just… shocking.

"You..." 

That voice.

I looked up, stared forward… again that distant stare, that blank expression… it was hard to look straight into those eyes.

And I think Ash had always been well aware of that.

"You're still being kind."

I know…

"Stop it."

I'm trying…

"For once, just this once, look at me as you would your greatest enemy," Ash said. "You need to abhor me, detest me, loathe my existence, my appearance, everything that I am."

"Emotions… huh?" I lifted my head, my hands laying slump at my side. "It's going to be hard to fake that."

She just kept staring, her voice, her words, empty of feeling. "Don't fake it."

Don't? I… can I hate you? Can I even bring myself to do that? Flick of a switch, toss aside everything we've been through?

Forget your smiles? Forget what you've done for me? Quite a tall order there, man...

Was it really that easy? 

It must be, isn't it? It has to be. How else could you stare at me the way you do, how else could you say all that without ever once hesitating? You've already done it.

You've already hated me.

I didn't get a chance to reply - just then, Irene shouted again, "Once more!"

Don't fake it.

Hate her with every fiber. Raise your arm in disdain, stretch your palm in contempt - stare back at her, and don't ever be kind.

Don't be kind.

Don't fake it.

She isn't Ash. Forget Ash. The woman before you is no one, less than no one… keep telling yourself that, make yourself believe it, you will believe that.

Grit your teeth, don't fake it. 

Furrow your brows, and don't fake it.

Channel your magic, and this time, don't fake it.

Willpower. Your will must be stronger than hers, your hate stronger... break through the wall, break through her.

Break her.

"Stop!" 

Irene's voice exploded across the silence again, and my arm fell. I wasn't gasping, I wasn't slumping this time... I continued to stare, as did she. 

"That was... that was better," Irene continued to say, "But still could be better, you're getting there... just a bit more."

But I wasn't listening. 

Because in that last attempt, I felt it... that impenetrable wall was starting to give, just a budge, just a slight push... but it was there.

I felt it... I even saw it.

Her vacant distant stare, in that quiet, in that moment of contention, I saw it briefly falter... there was a flash of emotion, a small glimpse of pain in her bright greens.

She tried to hide it then, brushing it off as just one very long blink... but I saw that flinch, and I saw you attempting to hide that flinch.

Trying to spare from the guilt.

Guess I wasn't the only one being kind then... 

Y'know Ash, that's kinda hypocritical of you to tell me to do one thing, and not even fully commit to it yourself.

But yet, all the same... thank you.

Just a little bit more, Ash... just a little more.