Chapter 260 - On The Cusp Of Eternity

Even gradual changes became apparent at one point. For me, the more I learnt about the mechanics of keeping someone—myself, first of all—alive and young indefinitely, the more I noticed the signs of age in the surrounding people.

Most of them were as young as I was, and as far as I didn't search for the new wrinkles at the edges of their eyes with a spotlight, I could forget that they aren't eternal like some. With others, though… Some people were already burdened by age, and more time didn't add them spryness.

My grandparents, first of all. They still had time in them to live, I knew. Maybe ten years, and maybe twenty. But what sort of years they would be? Years of weakness, aching knees, and wrinkly skin. It wasn't something I wanted for them to suffer through, the same I didn't want to go through it myself. And the most astounding thing was… I now had the power.

Which is why it hurt even more when they just outright refused what it could give them.

"But why?" I asked, feeling tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. Unwilling to show them, I closed my eyes shut for a moment, hoping that it would force them away. When I opened my eyes, I still couldn't help the tremble in my voice. "Why would you refuse eternal youth with absolutely no drawbacks? It makes no sense!"

My grandma smiled at me sadly over the table that was, like every other time I came there, full of food. "People aren't meant to live forever, Diana. The two of us lived good lives already. It would be nice to just relax for a dozen or two more years, but forever? No, this would be wrong."

"I hope that living forever will bring you happiness, Diana, but it's not for us," my grandma supported her. He put a gnarly hand on top of hers and shook his head sadly. "We are old people, and we know when it's our time."

I clenched my fists in fruitless, purposeless frustration. I could see from their eyes that both of them were resolute, but that didn't stop me from trying to convince them otherwise.

"But what about me? I… I don't want to lose you." The argument sounded so selfish that I immediately regretted saying this. Such a blatant attempt at guilt trip that I felt sick to my gut from it. "No, forget it." I shook my head. "But still!"

My grandma stood up and walked around the table to pull me into a one-sided hug. "We all have to lose someone sooner or later. But it's different when they are taken from us suddenly, than when they go away in their own time. We know you won't be alone, Diana. You came to know so many people, became known by so many people… your father would've been proud of you. You don't need us here anymore."

This time, the tears were impossible to stop, so I could only pretend that they weren't there as I hugged my grandma back. I wished I had more words to say, smarter words, better words, but the only thing that left my lips was, "This is just stupid."

"Maybe one day you will understand it, too." My grandma moved away to peer at my face. "But in all honesty, I don't ever want you to. I want you to stay as you are, forever, eternally young in body and mind. But for us… it's too late."

"Once an old man, always an old man, right, wife?" My grandpa chuckled, and my grandpa soon joined him.

I didn't. It wasn't like my grandparents were going to die just now, but they would one day, and I was feeling like they just did. "Maybe you will change your mind later," I said, but didn't believe my own words. There were few people who could be as stubborn as old people. If I couldn't convince them that two helpings of soup were too much of soup, I won't convince them that living forever was the only right way to live.

My mood must've been showing on my face even when I returned to our shared with JJ apartment, because he immediately removed himself from our shared computer and walked up to give me a hug and a greeting kiss. I melted into both, feeling his compassion seeping into my bones even without any words said.

When we split up, JJ brushed the hair from my brow, looking at me with concern in his cat-like eyes. "What put that wrinkle between your eyebrows, ma chèrie? Did something happen on your visit?"

I sighed, leaning my head on his shoulder. "I told my grandparents I could make them young again and keep it this way, and they just… refused. Without even thinking too hard. Why? Why would anyone refuse?"

"Many people would consider an existence like this to be unnatural. Against the God's design. For them, to live through the endlessly stretching years, with no aim or purpose, feeling their own existence to be breaking some unspoken law, would be a torture." JJ's voice was deep with conviction. "Even when forced into it, though some might find the good in it eventually, others will just go mad."

I knew he wasn't spoking about my grandparents now. It was his own experiences that reverberated in his words. And while that perspective was still beyond my understanding, what JJ said gave me something to think about. Even if I couldn't accept something in my heart, I could accept it with my mind.

But that wouldn't stop my heart from bleeding.

"I'm afraid to lose them," I admitted and looked up into his eyes, as if hoping that there would be a magical solution to all my problems. "I also afraid to lose more people in the future… because I know I will. Ghost might want to make everyone immortal, but that's just unreasonable, right? There are so many problems with this. But I want to do the same now, too. I don't want to watch my friends grow old and wither."

JJ's eyes saddened. "This is the true price of immortality. Either you have to cut yourself from everyone, or inevitably lose them. It's… so lonely. There's a difference between having friendly acquaintances and true friends. A difference between having lovers and having love." He gently touched my forehead with his lips. "Sometimes it becomes so insufferable that the idea of ending this existence stops being so unthinkable. Yet, even when you are on your own, there are so many things in the world that make this road worth walking. And when there's someone to share it with, this burden becomes a hundred times easier. If you are ever afraid, or sad, or lonely, know that you can share it with me, Diana, like you shared my fears, sadness, and loneliness."

My the pain of my heart became a sweet ache. Now I wanted to cry again, but at the same time, I wanted to smile, so I beamed from ear to ear, feeling tears gathering in the corner of my eyes.

"I love you, Jean-Jacques. Of all the things that makes the life worth living, you are the most significant one. Maybe even more than the butter creme cake. Maybe one day I will come up with a way to let you taste it, too, and then you will never have suicidal thoughts again." I punctuated my words by planting a quick but fierce kiss on his lips.

JJ grinned back, his eyes sparkling with humour and the first speckles of red. "You are the all-powerful arch-witch here, ma chèrie. If anyone could do that, it's you. I'm sure this won't be the only marvellous deed you will do in the future that awaits us."

To think of it—I had that power that could change things so fundamentally, and I was totally going to use it for something so… whimsical. My kind of power definitely didn't come with responsibility. Nevertheless, it was now the next solid goal for my future magic studies—find how to make vampires… not human again, but human enough to taste normal food again.

All because I just wanted JJ to regain what he was so cruelly torn away from. Because he always believed that I could achieve anything I wanted to, so simply like it was an already decided fact.

"I will do as many marvellous deeds it takes to make you as happy as possible, JJ," I solemnly swore.

JJ's face sobered a little, but the smile still danced on his lips when he answered. "Then I will do as many absolutely mundane deeds it takes to make you as happy as possible. I know it's not an even exchange, but this is the best I, a simple vampire, can offer. I hope you will accept the deal, Diana, though I imagine that your business sense rebels against it."

I laughed. "Who needs senses when they have you?"