Chapter 43 - Not A Meditator

I read the book and chatted with JJ until well past midnight. The excitement of today and the late hours exhausted me, and as much as I wanted to try out some things written in the manual, I knew when to give up and leave things for tomorrow.

But next morning the first thing I did was to open the manual again. Well, after I prepared myself for a day, ate breakfast and opened the store, but still.

The contents of the manual were divided into two parts. First was about magic only, while second gave a brief overview of the world around it and the supernatural creatures that inhabited it. There were mentions of vampires, shapeshifters, spirits and psychics. No details, only the most basic explanations.

I knew about vampires and shifters already, so the manual didn't bring me anything new—it explained who they were, but told little beyond that. JJ was a much better source of information there.

The category of spirits included all kinds of fairies, small folk and others—except that the creatures that called themselves Fae lived in Europe, and their Russian analogues were called spirits. Apparently, they were almost impossible to meet in big cities because of their connection with nature.

Then there were psychics—real ones. This category included humans who, for one reason or another, possessed stronger auras than normal, and with them—supernatural abilities. People with spiritual heritage or simply abnormalities. None was like the other.

That part of the manual, though, was of least interest to me at the moment than the other one. I was itching to try things out, to see if they will actually work, even if a part of me stubbornly refused to believe.

Thankfully, the manual stated that believing wasn't necessary.

The first step in learning magic was finding my well. I sat on my bed and read into the neatly written words again.

[A witch's well is as much a part of her as her arms and legs. Some witches, especially ones who find their gift violently, can feel it with no further actions required, while others require meditation to find it. Finding a well is a first step to controlling it, and therefore, to using magic.]

The rest of the chapter focused on different meditation techniques made to ease that task. I sighed. Meditations didn't sound like my thing at all. I couldn't sit still and without intellectual stimulation for a single minute.

A promise of learning magic was a great motivation, though. I made myself comfortable on the bed and closed my eyes in accordance with the instructions. Then, I emptied my mind and concentrated on my body.

Several strands of hair stuck between the pillow and my neck and were prickling me with their ends. My fingers felt stiff from being clasped together for so long. There was an itch in my leg that begged me to relieve it. There was way too much saliva in my mouth, and I had to swallow. Restless energy coursed through me, urging me to open my eyes, to wake up.

I forced myself to ignore them and focused on my breathing. As soon as I did, my effortless breathing became too slow and awkward, distracting me further. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, but that made me hold my breath, which interrupted my breathing, which made everything even harder.

Less than a minute later, I gave up. I scratched my leg, opened my eyes, flexed my fingers, and shifted my pose to remove the heaviness that gathered in my muscles.

Meditations were so not my thing. I tried all that were listed in the book and then some I googled, but it was all the same.

When three hours later my stomach grumbled at me again, I decided that this was it. At least until I had lunch. Meditations gave me nothing but frustration.

I dealt with that feeling by cooking myself a nice meal of macaroni with minced meat and champignons in cream sauce. I went to the grocery store for necessary ingredients and spent the next hour cutting, boiling and frying everything in order. While I waited for things to prepare, I also caught time to read a novel on my phone and listen to music.

It was a simple, but hearty dish, made with love from me to me. Or maybe it was just the fat that made it so delicious. Either way, it lifted my spirits again, and I returned to meditation with a fresh head.

Which helped me absolutely not. This time I only bore it for two hours before deciding to spend my time on something more useful. In my desire to not get back to the hateful meditations I busied myself so well, that I remembered about the manual again only in later afternoon, when JJ asked me how it was going.

I sighed.

"Awful, JJ. I hate meditating. I'm supposed to remove myself from the outside world and look on the inside to find my well, but everything I see there is my body being progressively uncomfortable as the time goes. How other witches deal with it? Surely I can't be the only one who isn't into that? Or maybe I'm just giving up too quickly. Alexandra didn't write about how long this is supposed to take. A day? A week? A month?"

I sighed again. Reality struck me again with the fact that hard work was necessary to achieve most things.

JJ chuckled. "I find inability to sit still to be very common against younger people like you, ma chèrie. Though, if you find yourself unable to meditate for half an hour, pushing further will do you more bad than good, ma chèrie. There is also more than a single way to achieve the sense of detachment from reality your manual instructs you to seek. Maybe the kinds your teacher describes aren't the ones for you."

I perked up, zeroing my attention on him like a hawk. My eyes narrowed. "You don't mean drugs, do you?"

"Drugs are, certainly, a way, and one of the easiest of them. Dangerous, yes, but not when used with care… Though this isn't what I had in mind, ma chèrie. Please, stop looking at me like I'm trying to poison you."

I laughed despite myself.. "Fine, fine. So, what were you talking about?"