Chapter 190 - Love And Fear

My words gave JJ pause. Just a long enough one to grin at me and say, "Never were truer words spoken."

Then he moved again, in these slow, smooth strokes that made me sigh and arch in the pleasure, the kinds of which I've never tried before. I wasn't ready for it, and when it reached that limit of what one could hold without bursting, it was a shock.

This time, the orgasm was like a wave that swept me instead of an explosion—softer and longer, but even more intense, if that was possible. My fingers clenched on his shoulders hard enough to bruise a normal person. In my ecstasy, I moaned something I couldn't remember—JJ's name or a variation of it—and he swallowed the sound of it with another kiss.

When our lips separated, I opened again the eyes that closed themselves at some point earlier. JJ's face was still right above me, and on it was the weirdest expression of tension and lust mixed with something much gentler. Even while smaller waves of my orgasm, evoked by JJ's speeding motions in me, went through my body, a bigger wave rose in my soul at the sight of that expression.

"You are just the best," I blurted. "The best."

"So are you, ma très chère sorcière," he replied, nuzzling my neck while making a grounding motion with his hips that made me gasp.

I felt like someone a building being thoroughly demolished first with explosives, then with wrecking balls to level the ground entirely. Yet by some dark magic, when I just thought that all power left me, I found I had more place in me to feel, and more walls to be demolished.

But the most fascinating thing in all this, I realised, was the sight of JJ on top of him, the way his muscles shifted at each motion, the way emotion flickered in his scarlet eyes, the way his pupils dilated so wide they were almost round as he looked at me.

When I saw the palm that was laying next to my head clenching into a fist, when I felt his motions turning uneven, rushed, I realised he was close to exploding, too. The knowledge of it was such a powerful thing, it rushed at the same time to my head and to my unmentionables.

I clasped my inner muscles tight and began to meet JJ's thrusts with rebounded vigour. I wanted him, and I wanted to see him explode in this pleasure, too, to know that he shared it. When I felt myself ready to break again, I tried to hold on just a little longer, so I could watch him go first.

Too bad my body just wouldn't let me. There was no going against it. I rose to the edge, and was going to fall from it.

But this time I held my eyes wide open as I did. My fingers found purchase in the golden waterfall of JJ's hair, and as my body convulsed and trembled, held tight. I didn't dare blink, afraid to miss a moment of him.

Then it happened. I saw it starting from his eyes. They turned hooded first, then became too close entirely, while he thrust into me with almost desperation. This was—

This was wrong. There was a boiling ocean of emotion in my chest, emotion that I didn't dare to express aloud, not fully, and it screamed at me that it was wrong, wrong for JJ to close his eyes, to look away.

"Look at me," I rasped. "JJ."

His beautiful eyes snapped open, and the time seemed to slow to a stop. This was one of the moments that lasted ages, one to remember to the end of your life.

So much was reflected in these eyes of his, both sharply inhuman and very much a man's. If eyes were windows to the soul, then in this moment, even the deepest shutters in his were opened wide, and I could see deep within and find more than I ever dared to hope for. If this wasn't a look of love that I saw, then what was? And next to it stood fear, fear I could understand. Fear that I wished so hard to take away.

Then, the universe made another tick, and we both were swept by the avalanche we were in. It brought me down and buried me under it until I collapsed, breathless, on the crumpled covers of my bed. My body felt limp, like a lump of wet noodles. JJ caught himself just before falling on top of me and instead laid down on his side next to me.

I looked at him, trying to catch a glimpse of what I just saw in his eyes once again. This time, there was only satisfaction and appreciation when his gaze roamed over me. But it was great, too. Hell, I could appreciate him as well, and I did so by cuddling with his arm. I found it warmer than I was used to—was it from exertion, or from my body?

The stale scent of a room left on its own for a week was replaced by scents of sex and sweat, all mine; and if I sniffed closer to JJ, I could catch a whiff of his perpetual perfume, and under it, something like an old book—dry and dusty.

Was this a natural scent of a vampire? All these questions that lazily swam in my mind… I had to ask them, but could find the strength to speak.

JJ began to absentmindedly play with the messed up strands of my hair. "If you are going to fall asleep, ma chèrie, you should pull the covers from under you first before you get cold." He sounded like he was on the verge of falling asleep, too. "Though it would be a shame to hide you under them. The ravished look suits you so much, I'm tempted to repeat the process of the ravishing. If only not for the limitations of human bodies…"

I knew what he meant, and I had to hide my face in his chest from embarrassment. And this was just the pose in which the sleep claimed me.